Mom’s House Dad’s House Co-parenting Together

February 6, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Today, I’m sharing parenting advice on how to co-parent successfully at mom’s house dad’s house.  Going through a divorce or separation is never easy, especially when kids are involved.  Sadly, your feelings towards each other probably aren’t good.  However, finding a way to share parenting responsibilities so you that you can give your children the best childhood is imperative.

Growing up across two happy homes is undoubtedly better than growing up in an unhappy household. However, it will take a conscious and joint effort to make that happen. Focus on the following, and you won’t go far wrong.

 

 

moms house dads house

 

 

Mom’s House Dad’s House:

 

Mom’s House Dad’s House Access

First, kids need to enjoy a positive relationship with both parents unless there is an extreme circumstance. Child custody can be a difficult subject to resolve, which is why you will need the right expert on your side. However, it’s important to avoid using your child as a weapon to hurt your ex. The goal of co-parenting is to find a fair solution for everyone.

The time-sharing elements will vary from one family to the next. Some children do a four-day/three-day split. Others see one parent on the weekends. There are many contributing factors ranging from geographic distances to your careers. Do what works best for the child.

 

Consistency at Mom’s House Dad’s House

Transitioning from one home to two is tough on a child, but they are resilient. Nonetheless, one thing they will need is a sense of stability and consistency. Otherwise, the whole process of splitting their time across two properties becomes very confusing. So, while the two households needn’t be identical, they should work together.

This can manifest itself in many ways. From implementing the same bedtime routines to giving your child the same responsibilities in both homes. Children benefit from having transparency and clarity in their lives. When co-parents work together to provide it, their behavior and development should thrive.

Comfort

If your child is going to spend their time split across two households, the key is to make them happy homes. Unfortunately, you cannot have much of an impact on your ex-spouse’s property. Therefore, it’s vital that you create a winning environment within your own property, starting with their bedroom.

Having that place to call their own can make a world of difference. At this time, especially with the changes caused by the pandemic, a winning backyard is crucial too. Whether used for burning off energy, enjoying summer BBQs, or relaxing, it can be a very useful space. Most importantly, your child needs to feel the sense of belonging.

 

 

moms house dads house

 

 

 

Civility

There’s a very strong chance that you aren’t going to share a close friendship with your ex. After all, there is a reason you split up. However, co-parenting is a lot easier when you can remain civil. Even if you don’t want to see each other face-to-face, cloud computing allows you to share schedules or files. Embrace it.

 

Most importantly, you must always refrain from bad-mouthing the other parent. Political point scoring will only upset your child, which is the last thing any of you want to do.  As your grandma used to say, if you can’t say anything nice say nothing at all.  Your mission tis to create positive vibes and a good environment for your children to grow up in.

Filed Under: Divorce, Family Time Tagged With: , , ,

Helping Children Through Divorce

October 20, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Today, I’m sharing empowerment tips on helping children through divorce.  Divorce can be a stressful time for anyone who is going through one.  I believe everyone enters marriage thinking they will be with their partner for life.  However, things don’t always work out that way.  Marriages end for many reason including infidelity, money problems, lack of communication, or people simply outgrow each other.

Divorce is also a stressful and scary time for children too.  Their comfort zone has been interrupted, their parents are arguing or not speaking or  one may have moved out and now they are separated.  Sadly, the children don’t know what will happen to their life or the comfort they once knew.  It’s the responsibility of the parent to assure them that their life will remain stable.

helping children through divorce

 

 

Helping Children Through Divorce:

  • Assure your children that the divorce is not their fault.
  • Let them know that mommy and daddy love them and will always be there for them.
  • Explain co-parenting, and let them know that you’re not the only family who goes through divorce.
  • Avoid arguments over child support and/or spousal support in front of the kids.
  • If possible, have some of the above conversations with your soon to be ex-husband or partner.
  • Try to attend school or other functions together to assure the children see that you can get along.  You don’t have to sit beside each other, but in the same vicinity is great.  Your child can see both of you without having to scour the room to find mommy and daddy.
  • If one or the other plans to remarry or becomes involved with another person try to get along with the new people.  It’s important for your children to see that life moves on and it’s okay when it happens.
  • Invite daddy to the birthday parties and other major events.
  • Stick to the visitation schedule.  If their dad gets them at 6:00 pm on Fridays have them ready.
  • Keep dad informed about doctor and dental visits.  He has a right to know what’s happening with his children’s health.
  • Share the football, baseball, ballet schedule or other activities with your ex-husband or partner.

 

 

helping children through divorce

 

 

Life is full of changes.  If we learn to deal with life as it comes and as mature, responsible and intelligent parents we can overcome the obstacles and live a healthy, healthy life.  Divorce is hard, but it doesn’t have to be the event that breaks you.

Note:  I am an Amazon Associate.  If you click on any of the products or purchase, I may be compensated a small fee.  However, there will be no additional cost to you.

 

 


 

So, I hope that you have found my tips on helping children through divorce beneficial.  Most importantly, I hope you will implement a few.  They worked for me, and I’m confident they will work for you.  You may also like Tips from Divorce Lawyers.

Filed Under: Divorce Tagged With: , ,

5 Things About Single Parents You Should Know

June 30, 2018 by Leave a Comment

Today, I’m sharing parenting advice on things about single parents you should know. Being a single parent is tough. It’s all the trials of parenthood, but the load is double and carried whether by choice or not. Furthermore, if a parent is single due to a separation or divorce there’s income to worry about as well.

According to Miller & Steiert, P.C., a family attorney in Denver, “Child support is determined here in Colorado by the calculation of each party’s gross income.  This includes the calculation of the amount of overnights that each party has with the children or child, the amount of money that’s spent for daycare, for health insurance, for extraordinary expenses.”

 

 

single parents

 

 

Even if an ex-spouse is required to pay out child support, getting an ex-partner to fork out payments might be a source of stress, too.  So, there are a few questions single parents wish you would stop asking.  Here’s the rundown that will keep your next conversation with a single parent from going into awkward territory.

 

  1. Stop asking if they’re ok.

The most well-meaning question of them all, but single parents have heard it from every person in their life.  They don’t need to hear it from you too over and over again.

“I don’t know how you manage it when I can barely manage my kids with a partner.” This might be your attempt at a compliment, but it won’t sound as such to the person you are talking to. Instead, it might come across like you are boasting about being in a relationship.

Empty compliments bring nothing to a relationship. If you want to compliment the other parent, or if you truly admire them for the way they are handling their children, get specific. And then ask them how they handle certain situations that you find difficult. You might walk away with some tips that might work for your brood.

 

  1. Do not compare your weekend alone with their situation.

You find out that a mom you see regularly is a single mom.  You immediately feel like you can relate since your partner is away for the weekend. Do not go there.  It is not the same.

Managing on your own for one weekend does not compare to the workload that a single parent carries daily. Avoid voicing a comparison of your situations.  Unless you want to ruin all chances of a friendship or a friendly acquaintance.

Making good mom friends is hard enough. Your chances of gaining a buddy will be higher if you avoid this unintentional gaffe.

 

  1. It is none of your business why or how they became  single parents 

It is natural to be curious. But asking why and how a person became a single parent may feel intrusive, and downright rude.  Occasionally, you might come across a parent who does not mind sharing her story.  But as a rule, do not ask. When they are ready and feel comfortable they will tell you their story. Until then, talk about the things you have in common. Not the things that make you different.

 

 

things about single parents

 

 

 

  1. Don’t try to set them up with your friends 

You have their best interest at heart, but just because they are single doesn’t mean that they are looking for love. Many women today are choosing to experience motherhood on their own.

The impression you give when you try to set someone up is that their life must be sad and lonely without a partner.  You are showing a narrow-minded view, and your statement suggest they must be miserable without a husband or a wife.

If the single parent asks for dating advice or makes it clear he or she is looking, then that’s the green light for you to trot out your single friends.

 

  1. Be helpful, parent to parent 

If it seems that interacting with single parents comes with navigating many potential landmines, it’s not.  You are both parents.  They get exhausted and want to ship their kids away to a grandparent just like you. They have parenting issues with their children, just like you.

So, if you really want to help talk to them parent to parent.  But do not offer advice because they are a single parent. Offer because they are a parent—and parenting is tough—single or not.  No further qualification necessary.

 

Filed Under: Confidence, Divorce Tagged With: , , , ,

How To Raise Your Credit Score After A Divorce

April 3, 2018 by Leave a Comment

“Couples with the lowest initial average credit scores are two or three times more likely to end up divorcing with their partners than couples with high credit scores.”  That’s according to a 2015 study on the link between bad credit and divorce by researchers at the Federal Reserve Board.  Finances have always had an impact on marriages.  And, are one of the factors that lead to couples divorcing.  Divorces that involve a child are even more complex.  If possible, you should handle the divorce amicably.  Also, this post shares tips on how to raise your credit score after a divorce.  Having good credit will empower you to move forward with your life and to purchase items you need in your life.  

 

 

how to reaise your credit score

 

 

Repair your credit report 

Major events such as weddings or divorces have a significant impact on your creditworthiness.  As a matter of fact,  divorces require that you close joint accounts.  As a result, your spouse’s financial history is synced with yours.  However, information may be misfiled during the process.  This could affect your ability to provide for your family. So, a dispute with the credit bureau can be corrected by visiting a credit repair company.  The company will follow up and ensure all your information is correct.  So, if you want to know how to raise your credit score follow-up with this tip.

 

The importance of weekly and monthly budgets

The responsibilities of raising a family is diverse and cannot be accounted for all the time. Precautionary funds are hard to determine.  Nevertheless, setting up a weekly and monthly budget helps you cut back on expenses.  Especially, expenses that eat into your finances.  For example, daily expenses such as lunches can be reduced with fresh foods from your backyard garden.  Pay utility or credit card bills on time with your savings.  This is a great tip on how to raise your credit score too.

 

Open a savings account

Once you ensure that your credit report is accurate, your next step would be to open a savings account.  Saving in a kitty jar is helpful, but saving in a bank account is more ideal. Apart from making budgets and cutting back on spending, you can set up a saving account from your salary.  A savings account is a venture you and your family can undertake together.  Not only does it improve your credit score, it serves as an example for your children. Encouraging your children to save is a good step.

Raising kids, affording a family vacation or starting a family business are all financial responsibilities a family has to always consider regardless of divorces.  If you decide to remarry, the burden can be shared between the spouses.  But, you must ensure your credit reports are accurate single or married.  So, when you think about how to raise your credit score, remember you must take the right steps. Doing so can improve your credit report.

Filed Under: Divorce, Empowerment

Tips For an Amicable Divorce

March 27, 2018 by Leave a Comment

Today, I’m sharing parenting advice on tips for an amicable divorce when you have children.  There’s no such thing as a perfect family.  One of the best divorce tips is that the “best” families have to face and endure trouble. When a marriage becomes the problem, it can have a profound effect on family and how they function.  Especially, if the marriage ends in divorce. Divorce can be a very stressful and overwhelming journey.  Furthermore, when children are involved divorce can be even more stressful. 

 

tips for amicable divorce

 

Getting for an amicable divorce:

 

Unfortunately, the divorce process will not only affect the welfare of your child, but the way they will grow up.  Furthermore, divorce proceedings must handled with care.  You should consider your role as a mother and your children during the process.

According to Huffington Post, if divorce is the only option left between you and your spouse perhaps it’s the best move for your sake and your children’s.  However, there are things to remember when divorcing with a child.  It’s important to take these things into consideration.

 

You Have to Explain It to the Kids

When you’re getting divorced, remember that your children may not be old enough to understand your situation completely.  There is no guarantee how your children will feel when they find out about the separation.

  • Remember, while you should be able to calm yourself down in order to still be able to perform your duties as a parent, your children don’t function on the same level.
  • Your children have their own processes, desires, and interpretations.  Kids have their own ways of comprehending and grieving about the situation. As a result, it’s important to remember that your emotions may become a part of their interpretation.
  • If you feel as though your relationship with your children will be tainted by the divorce, try to work with them towards accepting the separation.  Try to explain how things will work.  Most importantly, don’t ignore their feelings.

 

tips for an amicable divorce

 

You Will Experience Many Feelings 

Even if the divorce was a mutual decision, there will be instances where one party will feel emotional.  This includes  feeling revengeful, abandoned, desperate, terrified, distraught, or betrayed.  These feelings may not surface immediately, but some may appear in numerous ways.

  • Try to be careful how you express your emotions, and who you express them to.  If you have children, consider how they might react to your emotions.
  • Realize that your actions, especially fights that may take place with your former partner, will most likely have a lasting impact on your children. Be mature enough to handle any disagreements or emotions in private.  Most importantly, try to maintain a positive demeanor about the divorce when in the presence of your children.

 

You Have to Make Financial Arrangements

Another one of our tips for an amicable divorce is to make sure you consider spousal and child support. This might be the most difficult part of the divorce process, but it is essential to ensure the well being of all parties involved.

  • If possible, sit down with your spouse and decide on visitation, holiday visits and co-parenting options.
  • Discuss debts, extra expenses, and how much support will be granted for the children.
  • Remember, the goal is to work together so you can decide how you will be able to help your children in the best way  possible.

 

tips for an amicable divorce

 

Make This a Gentle Process for Everyone

 These tips may seem overwhelming, especially when you have to consider the responsibilities you have as a mother.  As a matter of fact, a soon to be single mother.  However, we hope our tips for an amicable divorce will help you  cope and make the process less stressful.   If you’re looking into the legal implications of the subject, you may click here for more information.  You may also like:  How to Raise Your Credit Score After Divorce.

 

About the author: Peggy Fleming

Peggy Fleming is a promising young law writer. She adds a modern take to her pieces on various law topics, which she writes for the common reader. She enjoys playing tennis with her siblings during her

Filed Under: Divorce, Empowerment Tagged With: , ,

Handling Loneliness As a Single Parent

November 4, 2014 by
Today, I’m sharing empowerment advice on handling loneliness as a single parent.  Being a single parent can lead to feeling lonely and unloved?  As a single parent, we rarely talk about our struggles, but we need to be loved too. However, I found that sharing your feelings helps eliminate shame and guilt. We don’t want anyone to know that part of us, but loneliness is felt by many.  You are not alone.
loneliness as a single parent

It’s time for us to let the cat out the bag.  None of us had a immaculate conception.  At some point we had sex that’s how we became mothers and father, right.  Hell some of us had great sex! No matter how strong we become as single parents, deep down we still want to have someone wrap their arms around us.  What’s wrong with being told that we’re beautiful, that we’re loved and that they want to make passion love to us.  It’s a healthy desire.

As single parents, we exert a huge amount of energy into raising our children.  Most of the responsibility of raising  children falls onto the parent who has legal custody.  Because it takes so much energy to raise our children alone, we place ourselves on the back burner.  As a result, we bury our need to be loved because loving our children becomes the priority.  But, at some point our feelings come roaring to the surface.

 

loneliness as a single parent

So, I’m encouraging all of you to say, I feel lonely at times.  Admit that you want someone to love. If you’re alone while reading this post, scream it!  Now I can’t guarantee that a handsome man will appear when you finish, but at least you’re acknowledging those deep down feelings. Talk about it with a friend.  You’re freeing yourself from the guilt of wanting to be with someone.  And, you’re freeing yourself from the pain of not being able to achieve it because of your status.

Furthermore, I worried about dating and having a strange man around my daughter when I was raising her.  The thought of someone molesting her that I was dating or another failed relationship haunted me. I had made mental notes of women who had placed a man before her children.  Or, trusted them around her children and the man ended up abusing them.  Being a single mother is hard enough, I simply couldn’t add that burden to my list of life’s troubles. I realized that I treasured my daughter more than I wanted a relationship.  When she got older, I would consider getting involved again.

 

How to Deal with Feeling Loneliness as a Single Parent:

  • Accept that you deserve to have a little fun and need adult interaction.  Open yourself up to dating and or making new friends.
  • Take a few college courses to better yourself.  First, attending class and doing homework will keep you busy to a point where you don’t have time to focus on being lonely.  Also, I also met great people in my classes and would meet them for a drink or burger after class.
  • Reconnect with old friends, male and female.  Next, they may be receptive to spending time with you and your children.
  • Compile a list of books that you want to read.  So, this can include self-improvement, romance, true crimes and anything else that catches your eye.
  • Learn to cross-stitch, crochet, or scrapbook.  – Finding a hobby that you can do the week-end will help tremendously.  I started scrapbooking and crocheting.  I made scrapbooks for friends and Christmas gifts.
  • Treat yourself on Saturday nights that you don’t have a date.  Burn a candles, put on some soothing music and soak in a hot tub.
  • Check out on-line groups who can relate to your situation.  They are great source of inspiration, a great way to make friends and social networking for business endeavors.
  • Take a sewing class or teach yourself to sew. – Last, learning to sew will help with the expense of purchasing new curtains, throw pillow, kid’s Halloween costumes and more.
  • Have a spa day – Give yourself facials, paint your nails or soak in a hot, bubble bath.  It all helps to reduce stress.

Finally, know that you are not alone and you will eventually find love again.  Good things come to things who wait, but be sure to treat yourself well while you’re waiting. I hope you implement a few of my tips on dealing with loneliness as a single parent.  You may also like7 Ways Single Moms Cope With Loneliness.  


Filed Under: Divorce, Empowerment Tagged With: , ,

How to Build Self Esteem After Divorce

July 3, 2014 by
Today, I’m sharing empowerment tips on how to build self-esteem after divorce.  First, have you lost your self-esteem after a divorce? I have a little advice for you, “Take yourself off the clearance rack and get behind the glass case”, my friend.  Stop treating yourself like a clearance item rather than a diamond behind a glass case.  If you don’t see yourself as valuable who will.  Being a divorcee doesn’t mean the end of the world.  I’ve been through one, but I learned to place myself in the glass case years ago.   Building self-esteem will empower you.  So, lets get started.
self-esteem after divorce

Women often loose their self-esteem after a divorce.  They become single parents, they take on the responsibilities of the children, upkeep of the house and everything in between.  Their needs often go on the back burner.  As  a result, we become lonely and often loose our way.

So, when we have low self-esteem we have a tendency to look for love in all the wrong places.  And, we settle for less than we deserve because we think we can’t do any better.  I’m here to tell you that you that building self-esteem and self-worth will keep you from many of those mistakes.  When you do, things in your life will change for the best.

Now, find your self-esteem and self-respect before it sinks to the bottom of the ocean.  All that you need is inside of you.  We all come from something, but we can’t go through life blaming everyone else for our demise.   Here’s my story, I came from an alcoholic background and I was a teen mother.  I made bad choices, but those things don’t define who I am.  Those things are simply a part of my journey in this thing called life.  I’ve used the steps below to help in building my self-esteem.

 

How to Build Self-Esteem After Divorce:

 

  • Develop some standards and principles – These are the things that define who you are.
    Learn to distinguish between abuse and constructive criticism – Abuse will tear you down and leave you feeling worthless.  Constructive criticism will help you improve who you are.
  • Become self sufficient – Needy people open themselves up to becoming a doormat.  Become self-sufficient. It helps build confidence and self-worth.
  • Get healthy – When you get healthy physically, it will improve your emotional and mental health as well.
  • Get rid of negativity – This includes negative people and negative thoughts about yourself.
  • Change your circle – Socialize with successful people and those who respect you.

 

building self esteem

 

 

  • Know the difference between respect and confidence – Respect is about what you do, confidence is about how you feel.
  • Show respect for yourself and others – If you want people to respect you, you must respect other people.
  • Learn to remove yourself from destructive situations – If a relationship is not nourishing or helping you to grow, get out and move on.
  • Motivation – Get motivated and stay motivated. Don’t allows others to bring you down.  Read self-help books, attend seminars or get a mentor.  Just stay in your zone and stay on course.
Finally, know that you won’t evolve over night.  However, you can change negative thoughts about yourself and discover your self-worth again.  Raising your self-esteem after divorce will take dedication and hard work, but you can renew you.  Most importantly, underneath the layers you will find a respectful and confident you.  
So, we hope that you have found our tips on how to build self-esteem after your divorce beneficial. You may also like: How to Empower Yourself Emotionally and Improving Self Esteem.


  

Filed Under: Divorce, Empowerment Tagged With: , , ,

8 Reasons Dads Are Winning Custody

April 28, 2014 by

Dads are winning custody.  Times have changed and most courts are no longer awarding child custody to moms.  Many years ago moms getting custody was the standard.  Most of the time, moms were given custody in divorces or in relationships that didn’t work out.  This is no longer the standard.  There’s a new generation of men, and along with them comes a new attitude.  Furthermore, they’re bring a new perspective and a will to fight for their children.  News Flash – they’re winning.  Today, I’m sharing tips on why dads are winning custody of their children.  Knowledge is power, and power will help empower you.

 

 

child custody

 

 

I’ve watched four of my nephews over the years win custody of their children. Yes, I said three.  I have a lot of nephews, if we look at the big picture four is a small number.  However, I’ve been on the inside of how and why they’re winning.  I’m proud to say they’re doing an excellent job of raising their children too.  When the first nephew went to court, I thought his chances of winning were slim. He came ready for the game, hit the ball out of the park and walked away with his son.

The second, third and fourth nephews followed with custody battles for their children.  They all came out winners. The first nephew that I talked about shares custody with his son’s mother; however, she knows that she better walk a straight and narrow line.  Otherwise, he will win.  As a matter of fact, his son is now old enough now to tell the court who he wants to live with.  If he has to choose, it will be his dad.  The second and third nephews have have full custody of their sons too.

Here’s a few reasons why dads are winning custody from my perspective:

1)  First, men are ensuring they are involved in all aspects of their child’s upbringing.  They are involved in feedings, changed diapers, and providing financial, emotional and physical support from day one.

2)  Women today have outdated thinking.  They still think the man owes them. Often they don’t realize the importance of being self-sufficient.  Not one of my nephews relies on the system for food stamps, medical care or anything else for their children.  They buy food, clothes, provide insurance, pay for recreational activities etc.  They are not handing money over to mom for child support, they pay for the purchases directly and track the expenses.

3)  Next, men are involved in their children’s recreational activities, attend parent and teachers conferences, assist with homework etc.  There’s no mommy or daddy duties.  They can perform as well as mom.

4)  They established joint custody early.  Furthermore, they were smart enough to establish days of custody and times documented through court.   Because they have joint custody at least 50% of the time, most are not obligated to pay child support. Their money goes toward the expenses in their own homes for their children.

 

child custody battles

 

 

5) Providing a stable environment that is not subsidized by taxpayers/the state is a plus. The first nephew has a home, and the other two have townhouses.  Judges love saving the state money.

6)  Additionally, they are involved in community service, coach their children in sports, and strive to set examples.  Their children are taken to shows, professional games, have yearly birthday parties, summer vacations at the beach, involved in other family activities and attend church.

7)  They consistently strive to improve educationally and professionally.  Two of my nephews have opened a business together while raising their children.  None of them are stay at home dads. They know they have to work in order to provide for their children and themselves.  They’re doing it all, and each of their children are excelling all around.  The ability to parent and provide are impressing judges.

 8)  They obtain legal representation who come out swinging.  None of my nephews played dirty in their efforts to seek custody.  They won on their ability to parent, their character and their desire to be in their children’s life.

It’s a new day, and if we as women don’t change our thinking and get in position to win many may find themselves on the outside looking in.  Not all men are interested in finding out if the grass is greener on the other side.  When they have children and their marriages and relationships don’t work they are willing to fight these days. Some are making their children a priority, and they don’t need a women to assist them. They have family and community support, and they’re putting it to use in a positive way.

When I say educate yourself and get in position, it doesn’t have anything to do with being a Welfare Queen or any other stereotype from the 70’s and 80’s.  This type of thinking is what I’m talking about in Reason 2 and why men are winning. There’s nothing wrong with seeking assistance to get on your feet, but it should not become a way of life.  The world has changed and you need to become aware of what’s happening around you.  Society is now seeing things differently, and men are seeing their roles differently.

Finally, you must put on your suit of armor and gear up for the fight if you believe you could end up in a custody battle.  It is rare that a storm hits without warning.  Drugs, abusing alcohol, beating their partners, or hanging out in clubs are not a part of these men’s life. I’m talking about real men who are willing and capable of raising their children.  Strive for joint custody, and work diligently to co-parent.

You may also like:  Why Dads Are Winning Custody

 




Filed Under: Divorce, Empowerment Tagged With: ,

10 Steps To Deal With Grief From A Breakup

March 19, 2014 by
Trying to mend a broken heart from a breakup or divorce? I’ve been there and it can be a rough road.  Grief from a breakup can cause you to want to die or at least feel that you are.  You may try to rekindle the relationship by plotting a scheme on how on you can get him or her back.  Calling, texting, or checking their  Facebook page enters your mind.  You may even drive by their house or have conversations with their friends to get advice on how to work things out. Today, I’m sharing tips on how to survive a divorce or breakup.  Knowing that there is life after a divorce or breakup is empowering.  

grief from a breakup

 

 

STOP!   Take a deep breath, regroup and focus on you.  I know it’s hard, but you have to do it so that you can start the healing process.  It’s the only way you can move on with your life.  If you were unable to resolve your differences and you’re in the grieving process, you need to get real.  You had some serious problems that sent you or your partner in the opposite direction.

Next, if you couldn’t resolve your problems when you where together, it’s doubtful that they will ever be resolved.   Sometimes we just outgrow each other.  I knew, I’ve already walked in your shoes.  Here’s a quote that I want you to absorb:  “God will sometimes end a relationship for your protection.  Don’t chase after the person he’s trying to save you from.” – Trent Shelton.

Sometimes you see it coming and sometimes you don’t.  However, the longer you try to hold on the longer you will endure pain.  Ending a relationship with someone that you vowed to spend the rest of your life with or you have fell deeply in love with is like a death.  I have experienced both and you grieve over both losses.  Just as important, you may become angry or you don’t want to get out of bed.  You may cry until the well runs dry and the list goes on.  I went through this when my ex-husband and I divorced, and when I lost my father to cancer.  Grief from a breakup whether in love or death is painful.

 I survived and you can too.  Here’s how:

  1. Know that you life is not over, your lovable and you’re moving on to the next chapter in your life.
  2. You’re not a failure, you were smart enough to know when it was time to get out.
  3. Your children will be fine.  There are millions of children in the world who come from divorced homes and they don’t turn out to be rapists or bank robbers.
  4. Pamper yourself during this time period.  You must treat yourself well and know that you deserve it.  Don’t run your credit cards up, just treat yourself occasionally.
  5. Don’t jump into another relationship.  Next, rebounds are not wise and they rarely work.
  6. Set small goals for yourself.  This would be a good time to join a gym and work off some stress.  If you can’t afford a gym, find a safe place to walk.  It’s a good way to think and clear your head.
  7. Limit yourself on the number of conversations that you have about him/her.  It will only prolong your healing.
  8. Enhance your job skills, your household income will be less.  So, don’t depend on anything other than child support.  Unless you are married to a million, women are rarely awarded alimony. Get a job and in the meantime, enhance your skills so you can get a better one.  There are programs available to assist you.  Reach out.
  9. Find a church, you need to renew your faith to get you through the rough times.
  10. Get focused! Last, you will be heading up your household and leading the way for your children.   

 

divorce tips

 

 

Additionally, remember to start your grieving process slowly.  And make sure you work through all stages.  Otherwise, you will only be placing band-aids on open wounds.  You will experience many emotions.  So, there will be sadness, anger, bitterness, loneliness and why me sessions.  Know that emotions are temporary and it’s okay to experience them.

Furthermore, your ex will move on and begin dating again.  Prepare yourself, and whatever you do, don’t approach the other woman.  She can’t be with him if he doesn’t want to be with her.  You don’t want your children to find out that you handled things in this manner.

Last, give yourself plenty of time to heal.  Check out my post on Divorce Cakes for a laugh.  Laughing is good for the soul.  It’s a wonderful feeling when you’re ready to move on.  You will come out of it stronger, wiser and a better person for your struggle.  It’s unwise to try to hold on to something that no longer exists.  Most importantly, let it go so you can free yourself  for someone who is deserving of you and your love.  
                                                                            













Filed Under: Divorce, Empowerment Tagged With: , ,

Dads Are Winning Custody of Their Children

September 18, 2013 by

Are you going through a custody battle for your child or children?  More dads are winning child custody these day. Yes, fathers are obtaining primary or joint physical custody. More fathers are becoming the primary care giver of their children because they are proving they are just as capable as women in raising their children.  Today, I’m sharing a few tips on why dads are winning custody.  Knowledge and being prepared for a custody battle will empower you to position yourself.  

 

winning child custody

 

How and why are men achieving this position? Here’s several reasons:

    • They are becoming more involved in their children’s upbringing. They are changing diapers, giving baths, reading books, and fixing meals. Mr. Mom has become a reality.
    • They are educating themselves on how to win.  Instead of convincing the judge that the mother is unfit, they spending their time convincing the judge that they are just as fit. 
    • Women are emotional. Men are proving they are more stable emotionally and they are using intelligence to win.
    • More men are willing to spend the money on attorney fees preparing for the fight. They are taking the time to seek the best representation in court.
    • Not only are they willing to pay the attorney’s fees, they are seeking child support from the mother in certain cases. If they receive joint custody, they are asking that the amount of child support be lowered or they not have to pay support since they are responsible for buying diapers, milk, cloths etc. when they have custody.
    • Men are forming support groups and learning from other fathers who have won custody.

Men are proving they can provide a more stable environment because they have a bigger pay day.  For example, they are willing to give up the two seat vehicle and bachelor pad. They are buying homes with backyards and SUVs to ensure they have room for the children and excursions.  This thinking is leading to dads winning child custody.  

The days of having to prove the mother unfit are over ladies. I know, I watched my brother win custody of his two sons.  I have not only watched my brother win custody of his sons, his son just won full custody of his son.  Men winning child custody is becoming more and more realistic.

After the separation from his wife, my nephew was ordered to pay child support.  Additionally, he had the usual court order which states the visitation rights, and how much he was to pay in child support and when.  He decided to obtained a new attorney and won joint custody and no child support the second time around. What was different the second time? His attorney focused on the fact that he had a better job and medical benefits.  Furthermore, he owned a home and his son’s grandparents were within a mile to assist him with the baby’s care.  Most importantly, they were available to provide child care and there was no better environment for the baby than his grandparents when he was working.  The change occurred within a 3 month timeframe.

He decided to go back to court a few years later to obtain full custody.  Because his son would be entering school full time; it would be impossible to split time between the two homes.  Even though his ex had gotten remarried and had another son, he decided his son would have a more stable home with him.  Most importantly, he wasn’t willing to miss time with his son.   He obtained his lawyer’s assistance and geared up for another fight.  This time he would be fighting for full custody.  He won!  He now has his son in his care 24 x 7.  As a result, his ex has visitation rights.

Last, I’m proud to say that I’ve watched my son-in-law with my grandchildren.  There is no doubt in my mind that he would not fight for joint custody of children. The thinking of young men these days is quite different from my generation. Most men in my generation did not seek custody, they were happy paying child support and having their freedom if there was a divorce.

In conclusion, it seems that if it’s impossible to keep your marriage together mothers may have to gear up for a fight.  Because dads are winning child custody at an unprecedented rate.  

Filed Under: Divorce, Empowerment Tagged With: , ,