Dads are winning custody. Times have changed and most courts are no longer awarding child custody to moms just because they’re mom. Many years ago moms getting custody was the standard. They were given custody in divorces or in relationships that didn’t work out. This is no longer the standard. There’s a new generation of men, and along with them comes a new attitude, a new perspective and a battle for their children. News Flash – they’re winning.
I’ve watched four of my nephews over the years win custody of their children. Yep, four. I’m proud to say they’re doing an excellent job of raising their children too. When the first nephew went to court, I thought his chances of winning were slim. He came ready for the game, hit the ball out of the park and walked away with his son.
The second, third and fourth nephews followed with custody battles for their children. They all came out winners. The first nephew that I talked about shares custody with his son’s mother; however, she knows that she better walk a straight and narrow line or on it’s on again and he will win. As a matter of fact, his son is now old enough to tell the court who he wants to live with. If he has to choose, it will be his dad. The second and third nephews have have full custody of their sons and the fourth has shared custody of his daughter as well.
Here’s a few reasons why dads are winning custody from my perspective:
1) They established paternity in the hospital, and ensured they were involved in all aspects of their child’s upbringing. They were involved in feedings, changed diapers, and provided financial, emotional and physical support from day one.
2) Women today have outdated thinking. They still think the man owes them, they don’t realize the importance of being self-sufficient. Not one of my nephews relies on the system for food stamps, medical care or anything else for their children. They buy food, clothes, provide insurance, pay for recreational activities etc. They are not handing money over to mom for child support, they pay for the purchases directly and track the expenses. Judges are impressed with the bookkeeping, and the majority of the time the money spent exceeds what they would be required to pay in court.
3) Men are involved in their children’s recreational activities, attend parent and teachers conferences, assist with homework etc. There’s no mommy or daddy duties. They can perform as well as mom.
4) They established joint custody early. They have their children from infancy at least half of the week. They are smart enough to have established days of custody and times documented. Because they have joint custody and have the children at least 50% of the time, they are not obligated to pay child support or pay very little. Their money goes toward the expenses in their own homes for their children.
5) They are able to provide a stable environment that is not subsidized by taxpayers/the state. The first nephew owns a home, two have townhouses, and the fourth is working on purchasing a home. Judges love saving the state money.
6) They are involved in community service, coach their children in sports, and strive to set examples. Their children are taken to shows, professional games, have yearly birthday parties, summer vacations at the beach, involved in other family activities and attend church.
7) They consistently strive to improve educationally and professionally. Two of my nephews have opened a business together while raising their children. None of them are stay at home dads. They know they have to work in order to provide for their children and themselves. They’re doing it all, and each of their children are excelling all around. Judges are impressed with their ability to parent and provide.
8) They obtain legal representation who come out swinging. None of my nephews played dirty in their efforts to seek custody. They won on their ability to parent, their character and their desire to be in their children’s life.
It’s a new day, and if we as women don’t change our thinking and get in position to win many may find themselves on the outside looking in. Not all men are interested in finding out if the grass is greener on the other side when they have children and their marriages and relationships don’t work. Some are making their children a priority, and they don’t need a women to assist them. They have family and community support, and they’re putting it to use in a positive way.
When I say educate yourself and get in position, it doesn’t have anything to do with being a Welfare Queen or any other stereotype from the 70’s and 80’s. This type of thinking is what I’m talking about in Reason 2 and why men are winning. There’s nothing wrong with seeking assistance to get on your feet, but it should not become a way of life. The world has changed and you need to become aware of what’s happening around you. Society is now seeing things differently, and men are seeing their roles differently.
Not only have I watched four nephews seek and win custody, 2 of the four were awarded to their father in a custody battle 25 years ago. I’m not on the outside looking in, I’m on the inside witnessing the battles go down. So I speak to you from first hand knowledge.
You must put on your suit of armor and gear up for the fight if you believe you could end up in a custody battle. It is rare that a storm hits without warning. These are not men who are involved in drugs, abuse alcohol, beat their partners, or hang out in clubs. I’m talking about real men who are willing and capable of raising their children. From one mother to another, are you prepared for the fight?
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