Financial Security for Single Parents

June 25, 2019 by Leave a Comment

Today, I’m sharing parenting tips on achieving financial security for single parents.  As a single parent, stretching your money can be a significant concern. Taking on lucrative side gigs can bring in extra funds to help make ends meet.  However, with smart money and time management, you can pad your financial cushion without giving up time with your family.

 

finance tips for single parents

 

 

Flexible opportunities – The gig economy is a haven for entrepreneurs, temporary workers and freelancers.  It offers the freedom and flexibility to take on as much or as little work as you want. Along those same lines, Entrepreneur points out gig work allows you to earn as much or as little as you need. By altering the level of intensity, difficulty and quantity of your workload you can adjust your income level and time commitment. You are free to take a light load on the weeks your youngster is performing in a play, or engage more work to pay for gifts during the holiday season. Side gigs offer opportunities for variety as well.  So, if you become bored doing routine tasks you can switch things up when things become dull.

 

Personal and financial growth. When you’re tight on time and money, your circumstances can feel limiting.  But, a side gig can be a long-awaited chance to get your foot in the door to a new career. For example, maybe you’re talented in graphic design.  But, you can’t get hired in a traditional role without experience. As Coople explains, a side gig can bring much-needed notches in your belt. It’s also a chance to put a hobby or skill to work in your spare time.  For example, doing things like pet care, bookkeeping or house cleaning. The income can be deposited into retirement savings, a vacation fund or just used to pay routine bills. No matter what you decide, it’s income that can be earned in a manner flexible and pleasurable to you.

 

 

financial tips for single parents

 

 

Monitor that money –  Obviously income is a driving force in your choice to pick up a side gig. Some experts point out that many people who participate in freelance work don’t do an effective job of managing finances. However, you need to keep tabs on your gig income because you will pay taxes on it.  And, tracking it can also help you learn market trends. For instance, if you decide to be a dog walker or sitter, you may notice you stay especially busy during the spring break season. Or if you’re cleaning houses, your busy season may be during the holidays. Setting up separate accounts can help keep your finances on track.  Furthermore, it will project when you will see increases in income and being busy.

Tracking your expenditures is another issue. You don’t want your personal money going into your business venture.  Also, you need to monitor exactly what you spend on your business adventures so you can make appropriate tax deductions.  A business credit card can simplify tracking your spending and alleviate bookkeeping headaches. It’s important to choose a card that supports how you’ll use it. For example, some cards are better suited to traveling, some are more accommodating if you lack credit history, and some offer cash back incentives. Another option is taking out a loan for your small business. Short-term loans usually work best if you have a new business and decent credit. Research your options before committing so you can make the best choice for your situation.

 

Engage tools –  With the growth of the gig economy, tools for effectively engaging in gig work are plentiful. One way to participate is through a platform. Platforms are websites that connect people desiring services with people providing services. For instance if you are a bookkeeper, you might engage an administrative professionals platform. Then busy entrepreneurs can go to the platform to hire you. The platform page typically vets the freelancers they list.  This in turn provides peace of mind to clients hiring help and validity to those offering services. As Forbes notes, engaging a platform website can be a way to find work in the gig economy quickly.

 

Side gigs help. If you’re a single parent and strapped for cash, taking on a side gig can be a boon. The flexibility makes it possible to enjoy family time while making ends meet. Use the tools at your disposal to manage your finances and business carefully.  Side gigs can provide financial security for single parents as well open a wealth of opportunities to you!

 

 

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5 Things About Single Parents You Should Know

June 30, 2018 by Leave a Comment

Today, I’m sharing parenting advice on things about single parents you should know. Being a single parent is tough. It’s all the trials of parenthood, but the load is double and carried whether by choice or not. Furthermore, if a parent is single due to a separation or divorce there’s income to worry about as well.

According to Miller & Steiert, P.C., a family attorney in Denver, “Child support is determined here in Colorado by the calculation of each party’s gross income.  This includes the calculation of the amount of overnights that each party has with the children or child, the amount of money that’s spent for daycare, for health insurance, for extraordinary expenses.”

 

 

single parents

 

 

Even if an ex-spouse is required to pay out child support, getting an ex-partner to fork out payments might be a source of stress, too.  So, there are a few questions single parents wish you would stop asking.  Here’s the rundown that will keep your next conversation with a single parent from going into awkward territory.

 

  1. Stop asking if they’re ok.

The most well-meaning question of them all, but single parents have heard it from every person in their life.  They don’t need to hear it from you too over and over again.

“I don’t know how you manage it when I can barely manage my kids with a partner.” This might be your attempt at a compliment, but it won’t sound as such to the person you are talking to. Instead, it might come across like you are boasting about being in a relationship.

Empty compliments bring nothing to a relationship. If you want to compliment the other parent, or if you truly admire them for the way they are handling their children, get specific. And then ask them how they handle certain situations that you find difficult. You might walk away with some tips that might work for your brood.

 

  1. Do not compare your weekend alone with their situation.

You find out that a mom you see regularly is a single mom.  You immediately feel like you can relate since your partner is away for the weekend. Do not go there.  It is not the same.

Managing on your own for one weekend does not compare to the workload that a single parent carries daily. Avoid voicing a comparison of your situations.  Unless you want to ruin all chances of a friendship or a friendly acquaintance.

Making good mom friends is hard enough. Your chances of gaining a buddy will be higher if you avoid this unintentional gaffe.

 

  1. It is none of your business why or how they became  single parents 

It is natural to be curious. But asking why and how a person became a single parent may feel intrusive, and downright rude.  Occasionally, you might come across a parent who does not mind sharing her story.  But as a rule, do not ask. When they are ready and feel comfortable they will tell you their story. Until then, talk about the things you have in common. Not the things that make you different.

 

 

things about single parents

 

 

 

  1. Don’t try to set them up with your friends 

You have their best interest at heart, but just because they are single doesn’t mean that they are looking for love. Many women today are choosing to experience motherhood on their own.

The impression you give when you try to set someone up is that their life must be sad and lonely without a partner.  You are showing a narrow-minded view, and your statement suggest they must be miserable without a husband or a wife.

If the single parent asks for dating advice or makes it clear he or she is looking, then that’s the green light for you to trot out your single friends.

 

  1. Be helpful, parent to parent 

If it seems that interacting with single parents comes with navigating many potential landmines, it’s not.  You are both parents.  They get exhausted and want to ship their kids away to a grandparent just like you. They have parenting issues with their children, just like you.

So, if you really want to help talk to them parent to parent.  But do not offer advice because they are a single parent. Offer because they are a parent—and parenting is tough—single or not.  No further qualification necessary.

 

Filed Under: Confidence, Divorce Tagged With: , , , ,

Tips For an Amicable Divorce

March 27, 2018 by Leave a Comment

Today, I’m sharing parenting advice on tips for an amicable divorce when you have children.  There’s no such thing as a perfect family.  One of the best divorce tips is that the “best” families have to face and endure trouble. When a marriage becomes the problem, it can have a profound effect on family and how they function.  Especially, if the marriage ends in divorce. Divorce can be a very stressful and overwhelming journey.  Furthermore, when children are involved divorce can be even more stressful. 

 

tips for amicable divorce

 

Getting for an amicable divorce:

 

Unfortunately, the divorce process will not only affect the welfare of your child, but the way they will grow up.  Furthermore, divorce proceedings must handled with care.  You should consider your role as a mother and your children during the process.

According to Huffington Post, if divorce is the only option left between you and your spouse perhaps it’s the best move for your sake and your children’s.  However, there are things to remember when divorcing with a child.  It’s important to take these things into consideration.

 

You Have to Explain It to the Kids

When you’re getting divorced, remember that your children may not be old enough to understand your situation completely.  There is no guarantee how your children will feel when they find out about the separation.

  • Remember, while you should be able to calm yourself down in order to still be able to perform your duties as a parent, your children don’t function on the same level.
  • Your children have their own processes, desires, and interpretations.  Kids have their own ways of comprehending and grieving about the situation. As a result, it’s important to remember that your emotions may become a part of their interpretation.
  • If you feel as though your relationship with your children will be tainted by the divorce, try to work with them towards accepting the separation.  Try to explain how things will work.  Most importantly, don’t ignore their feelings.

 

tips for an amicable divorce

 

You Will Experience Many Feelings 

Even if the divorce was a mutual decision, there will be instances where one party will feel emotional.  This includes  feeling revengeful, abandoned, desperate, terrified, distraught, or betrayed.  These feelings may not surface immediately, but some may appear in numerous ways.

  • Try to be careful how you express your emotions, and who you express them to.  If you have children, consider how they might react to your emotions.
  • Realize that your actions, especially fights that may take place with your former partner, will most likely have a lasting impact on your children. Be mature enough to handle any disagreements or emotions in private.  Most importantly, try to maintain a positive demeanor about the divorce when in the presence of your children.

 

You Have to Make Financial Arrangements

Another one of our tips for an amicable divorce is to make sure you consider spousal and child support. This might be the most difficult part of the divorce process, but it is essential to ensure the well being of all parties involved.

  • If possible, sit down with your spouse and decide on visitation, holiday visits and co-parenting options.
  • Discuss debts, extra expenses, and how much support will be granted for the children.
  • Remember, the goal is to work together so you can decide how you will be able to help your children in the best way  possible.

 

tips for an amicable divorce

 

Make This a Gentle Process for Everyone

 These tips may seem overwhelming, especially when you have to consider the responsibilities you have as a mother.  As a matter of fact, a soon to be single mother.  However, we hope our tips for an amicable divorce will help you  cope and make the process less stressful.   If you’re looking into the legal implications of the subject, you may click here for more information.  You may also like:  How to Raise Your Credit Score After Divorce.

 

About the author: Peggy Fleming

Peggy Fleming is a promising young law writer. She adds a modern take to her pieces on various law topics, which she writes for the common reader. She enjoys playing tennis with her siblings during her

Filed Under: Divorce, Empowerment Tagged With: , ,

Handling Loneliness As a Single Parent

November 4, 2014 by
Today, I’m sharing empowerment advice on handling loneliness as a single parent.  Being a single parent can lead to feeling lonely and unloved?  As a single parent, we rarely talk about our struggles, but we need to be loved too. However, I found that sharing your feelings helps eliminate shame and guilt. We don’t want anyone to know that part of us, but loneliness is felt by many.  You are not alone.
loneliness as a single parent

It’s time for us to let the cat out the bag.  None of us had a immaculate conception.  At some point we had sex that’s how we became mothers and father, right.  Hell some of us had great sex! No matter how strong we become as single parents, deep down we still want to have someone wrap their arms around us.  What’s wrong with being told that we’re beautiful, that we’re loved and that they want to make passion love to us.  It’s a healthy desire.

As single parents, we exert a huge amount of energy into raising our children.  Most of the responsibility of raising  children falls onto the parent who has legal custody.  Because it takes so much energy to raise our children alone, we place ourselves on the back burner.  As a result, we bury our need to be loved because loving our children becomes the priority.  But, at some point our feelings come roaring to the surface.

 

loneliness as a single parent

So, I’m encouraging all of you to say, I feel lonely at times.  Admit that you want someone to love. If you’re alone while reading this post, scream it!  Now I can’t guarantee that a handsome man will appear when you finish, but at least you’re acknowledging those deep down feelings. Talk about it with a friend.  You’re freeing yourself from the guilt of wanting to be with someone.  And, you’re freeing yourself from the pain of not being able to achieve it because of your status.

Furthermore, I worried about dating and having a strange man around my daughter when I was raising her.  The thought of someone molesting her that I was dating or another failed relationship haunted me. I had made mental notes of women who had placed a man before her children.  Or, trusted them around her children and the man ended up abusing them.  Being a single mother is hard enough, I simply couldn’t add that burden to my list of life’s troubles. I realized that I treasured my daughter more than I wanted a relationship.  When she got older, I would consider getting involved again.

 

How to Deal with Feeling Loneliness as a Single Parent:

  • Accept that you deserve to have a little fun and need adult interaction.  Open yourself up to dating and or making new friends.
  • Take a few college courses to better yourself.  First, attending class and doing homework will keep you busy to a point where you don’t have time to focus on being lonely.  Also, I also met great people in my classes and would meet them for a drink or burger after class.
  • Reconnect with old friends, male and female.  Next, they may be receptive to spending time with you and your children.
  • Compile a list of books that you want to read.  So, this can include self-improvement, romance, true crimes and anything else that catches your eye.
  • Learn to cross-stitch, crochet, or scrapbook.  – Finding a hobby that you can do the week-end will help tremendously.  I started scrapbooking and crocheting.  I made scrapbooks for friends and Christmas gifts.
  • Treat yourself on Saturday nights that you don’t have a date.  Burn a candles, put on some soothing music and soak in a hot tub.
  • Check out on-line groups who can relate to your situation.  They are great source of inspiration, a great way to make friends and social networking for business endeavors.
  • Take a sewing class or teach yourself to sew. – Last, learning to sew will help with the expense of purchasing new curtains, throw pillow, kid’s Halloween costumes and more.
  • Have a spa day – Give yourself facials, paint your nails or soak in a hot, bubble bath.  It all helps to reduce stress.

Finally, know that you are not alone and you will eventually find love again.  Good things come to things who wait, but be sure to treat yourself well while you’re waiting. I hope you implement a few of my tips on dealing with loneliness as a single parent.  You may also like7 Ways Single Moms Cope With Loneliness.  


Filed Under: Divorce, Empowerment Tagged With: , ,

Where Is My Daddy

October 11, 2014 by

When you’re a single parent, you always feel like there’s a piece of your life missing.  You wake up alone, you go to bed alone.  You maintain your home alone, you take of your child alone.  Alone becomes a part of your daily routine.  One day your child asks for daddy, the missing piece of the puzzle in their mind. How do you handle their question?  

We end up as single parents for many reasons, death, poor choices, abandonment or immaturity either on our part or our partner’s. It can be a devastating experience being left to raise your child alone or choosing to raise your child alone because you know you’re better off. Whatever the reason, it requires stamina and endurance when you find yourself alone.  It also requires you to think before you speak to your child/children on daddy’s or mommy’s whereabouts. I read a post from a blogger who said she told her child you don’t have a daddy. That response affected me deeply.  It affected me deeply because I felt her pain.  I understood where she was coming from, but I wondered if she really understood what she just told her child. 


I want to share how I handled the situation with my daughter with the single moms out there. The first thing that I decided was that I would never speak negatively of my daughter’s father in her presence.  Now I would let that SOB have it during phone conversations or when I was speaking to a friend, but never in my daughter’s presence.  What good would that do?  I made a decision to not project my anger or pain onto my child.  When you tell you child that they don’t have a dad that’s exactly what you’re doing.  Regardless of how we feel about the absent father, our child didn’t get here by a stork.  They were conceived, so they do have a dad.  He’s simply MIA.    


I decided to tell my child that dad wasn’t here when she asked where he was.  A simple “he’s not here” often did the trick at least temporarily.  I would explain that it was just the two of us and we would be just fine. I also told her that he loved her, because he did and does.  He wasn’t in a position to show it at the time.  I don’t know if it eased her fear or pain of not having him in her life, but I knew it was better than telling her that he didn’t exist. I also thought it was best for me to leave the door open for him to reappear. People do grow up and have a change of heart. I thought it would confuse her even more if he decided to be a part of her life down the road and I had told her he didn’t exist. I didn’t want her to think negatively of me because I had lied to her or look back and realize that I was an angry, bitter person because he wasn’t there. As single mothers, we don’t want things to backfire. We must accept our situation and move forward with a positive attitude.   


As she got older, I explained my relationship with her dad. Through it all, I never spoke negative of him.  I explained that things just didn’t work out between us. We went our separate ways and I didn’t regret it. I reinforced that she was the best thing that ever happened to me and the years that he had missed was his loss.  I wanted her to form her own opinion.  I knew one day their path would cross and he did exactly what I thought he would do, he came back into the picture when she was 15.  This is why I believe that as single mothers, we should never tell our children that they don’t have a dad.  How do you explain to your child that you’ve lied to them if they do resurface? Daddy made you do it?    
  
As my daughter got older, I eventually build a relationship with his mom, aunts and cousins. My daughter became close to his family members too; however, she flipped the script.  She dismissed him.  She choose not to have a relationship with him, he ended up on the outside looking in. Isn’t it amazing how things work out.  She continued her education, married her college sweetheart and had 2 beautiful children while he suffered because he was not a part of it. I think it’s important to be honest with our children and allow them to make their choices and form their own opinions when they get old enough to fully comprehend the situation. Either they will work it out or they will continue to go their separate ways.  


Just as important, letting go of the anger and bitterness of a failed relationship frees you to see things clearly and it allows you to become a great mother. Don’t spend time wondering why they don’t want to be a part of their child’s life.  Don’t spend time wondering why they didn’t love you.  It is what it is. Life deals us a hand of cards and we must play them.  There will be times when we will have a winning hand and other times we will have to fold. Lay that bad hand on the table and wish them well.  


God places us in the positions that we need to be in.  It takes time to figure things out, but you must have a clear head so you can see where you need to be.  He could have placed you in your position to be a leader for other single mothers, so be the best single mother that you can be. He could have placed you in your position to strengthen you for another use in this life; I don’t know.  I do know that negativity is an obstacle and it will make your journey difficult if you don’t get rid of it.  You must rise above your situation ladies, rise above it.   


Photo courtesy of stockvault.net





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If You Want To Be Mentored You Must Show Up

July 7, 2014 by

People can be transparent if you’re willing to look hard enough.  Several months ago I was contacted by a young lady to be her mentor.  As a single mother who survived raising my daughter, I reach out and try to help other single mothers on how they can be successful too.  I can relate to being a teen mom, getting married, divorced, and left to raise my daughter and fend for myself.  I don’t post about my mentoring sessions on Mother 2 Mother, because of privacy reasons.  It’s personal for me and personal for the person being mentored, but I do post on my experiences because moving forward is hard work and not for the faint at heart. If I can pull someone else up or help move them forward, it does my heart good.   

Being raised in a dysfunctional/alcoholic home, teen mom and divorced category was enough for me. I knew I had to break the cycle, and so I did. Breaking out of these categories requires a willingness to listen, accept where we come from, and hard work to get out of it.     

Before I accept a position as a mentor for young ladies and not so young I have a test that I give. It lets me know if the person who is requesting to be mentored is serious about growing and moving forward, if they’re willing to do the necessary work to survive as a single mother, and allows me to see where their head is.  I ask 4 questions and I require a written response.  I like for it to be in writing so they can reference it during the course of their journey and it serves as a reminder of where they started when they arrive finally at their destination. Here’s the questions:  

  1. Tell me about your life and how you ended up where you.
  2. Tell me about your children and your relationship with your ex.   
  3. Where do you want to be in 5 years?
  4. Are you willing to work to educate and better yourself?  If so, list 5 goals.    
I never heard from the young lady again.  She must have thought I had a magic wand and all that was required was me waving it in front of her.  If only life was that easy. I saw right through her when I didn’t receive a response.  She wanted an easy way out, unfortunately there is no easy way out.  Ladies, this is why we need to make wise decisions in our life.  People who look for a easy way out don’t realize they are transparent.  I see you!  She really didn’t want a mentor, she just wanted me to give her a solution.  Excuses and why you can’t do this or that will not take you down the road of success.  Excuses are a way for you to stay where you are.  My response, more power to you. If you don’t think that you can do better why should I. If  you can’t answer basic questions, you’re not willing to do the work and you’re not going anywhere anyway.  

Reminds me of this single mom who choose to stay at home with her child, but was asking others for thousands of dollars to help pay her bills.  If you can’t pay your bills, maybe you’re not in a position to be a stay at home mom, hello. Thousands of single mothers go to work everyday, so they can pay bills and their children turn out just fine. Just as important, if you want someone to mentor you, show up and be prepared to do the work. What I’m saying doesn’t have anything to do with me thinking I’m better or not having empathy for another’s position or situation, but sometimes we just need to get real, take a good look at ourselves in the mirror, and realize that we’re where we are because of decisions that we make. If it’s not improving your life and moving your forward, why stay in the situation and continue doing the same things over and over. You must be willing to open your eyes, and take a good look at why you’re where you are. True, there are many who have fallen on hard times or have ended up in a bad situation, but you don’t have to stay there. It’s a choice.  

Over the course of the years I realized that I don’t have to see things your way and you don’t have to see things my way.  That’s the beauty of living in this great country, but this is my blog so I’m writing from the way I see things.  I know that we don’t all have the same situations nor are our experiences the same, but some things are universal.  When you get real, stop making excuses for yourself and what you don’t want to do, you’ll put yourself in a position to do what you need to do.  

Image courtesy of clipart101.net. 
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How To Find Mentors When Mom or Dad Is Absent

May 21, 2014 by
Are you a single parent  who needs to provide male or female influence for your son or daughter?   I’ve bee there, and I also know that parenting is a taxing role.  But one that can be rewarding too.  As single parents, we worry about everything because the majority of the time we do everything. Furthermore, having daily support from dad is rare.  So, we must become the back bone when it comes to raring our children.  However, finding resources is imperative.  Today, I’m sharing parenting tips on how to find mentors.  
how to find mentors

 

 

 

My ex-husband was involved in my daughter’s life after we divorced, but it was on his terms.   His priorities were all wrong.  For example, the responsibility of getting my daughter up, providing clothing, feeding her, educating her, taking her to activities and turning her into a young lady was my responsibility.  For the most part, he thought if he handed over money he had done his part.  As a result, I ended up divorce and making it on my own.

Regardless of whether you have a son or daughter, they will need a male influence in their life.  You can and you must provide a strong male figure.  Speaking from a male perspective is something we as women simply can not do.  However I do have a  a few tips on how I accomplished that goal and provided male role models for my daughter.  Here’s a few tips on how to find mentors:

  • First, call a trusted family member.  A sister, brother, cousin aunt or uncle who has an established a home can make great mentors.  I’m sure their husband or wife would be willing to spend time talking to and teaching your child how to become a positive person in our society.
  • Next, contact your local Big Brother and Sister organization – They have volunteers who wish to spend time with local children.  Also, one of my male employees was a volunteer for a little girl.  As a matter of fact, he was a huge supporter for most of her life and is still involved now that she is an adult.
  • Also, church activities are great.  Preferably with someone who is trustworthy.  We hear so much about Catholic Priests and ministers who abuse children.  Take the necessary steps, and ensure your child is around those who can truly be trusted.  Predators choose churches because we as parents make the mistake of thinking that everyone is holy.
  • Furthermore, camps are also a good way for your child to learn about leadership from both a male and female perspective.  This can be a church camp, sports, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, or whatever organizations you can find locally.
  •  Fathers and grandfathers have great influence on their grandchildren.
  • Recreational centers are another way to provide role models and mentors for your child.
  • Last, if you have positive nieces or nephews, have them spend quality time with your son or daughter. They will share things with each other that most won’t talk about in front of their parents.  This will give your child an opportunity to hear things from a different perspective too.
In conclusion, don’t worry that your son will become a murder, rapist or bank robber because mom is not around. Don’t worry that your daughter may become promiscuous and bring home babies out of wedlock or marry the first man who comes along because dad was absent.  The world is filled with people who fit into these categories who were raised in 2 parent homes.  Most importantly, there are many people in the world who were raised by single parents, and they are successful.
You must talk to your child constantly, so they know what path to take and be honest.  Let them know that being a single parent is not a glamorous job, but in fact hard work and you want more for them.  Lead the way, they’re depending on you.  We hope that you found our tips on how to find mentors helpful.

 

 

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