Today, I’m sharing parenting advice on things about single parents you should know. Being a single parent is tough. It’s all the trials of parenthood, but the load is double and carried whether by choice or not. Furthermore, if a parent is single due to a separation or divorce there’s income to worry about as well.
According to Miller & Steiert, P.C., a family attorney in Denver, “Child support is determined here in Colorado by the calculation of each party’s gross income. This includes the calculation of the amount of overnights that each party has with the children or child, the amount of money that’s spent for daycare, for health insurance, for extraordinary expenses.”
Even if an ex-spouse is required to pay out child support, getting an ex-partner to fork out payments might be a source of stress, too. So, there are a few questions single parents wish you would stop asking. Here’s the rundown that will keep your next conversation with a single parent from going into awkward territory.
- Stop asking if they’re ok.
The most well-meaning question of them all, but single parents have heard it from every person in their life. They don’t need to hear it from you too over and over again.
“I don’t know how you manage it when I can barely manage my kids with a partner.” This might be your attempt at a compliment, but it won’t sound as such to the person you are talking to. Instead, it might come across like you are boasting about being in a relationship.
Empty compliments bring nothing to a relationship. If you want to compliment the other parent, or if you truly admire them for the way they are handling their children, get specific. And then ask them how they handle certain situations that you find difficult. You might walk away with some tips that might work for your brood.
- Do not compare your weekend alone with their situation.
You find out that a mom you see regularly is a single mom. You immediately feel like you can relate since your partner is away for the weekend. Do not go there. It is not the same.
Managing on your own for one weekend does not compare to the workload that a single parent carries daily. Avoid voicing a comparison of your situations. Unless you want to ruin all chances of a friendship or a friendly acquaintance.
Making good mom friends is hard enough. Your chances of gaining a buddy will be higher if you avoid this unintentional gaffe.
- It is none of your business why or how they became single parents
It is natural to be curious. But asking why and how a person became a single parent may feel intrusive, and downright rude. Occasionally, you might come across a parent who does not mind sharing her story. But as a rule, do not ask. When they are ready and feel comfortable they will tell you their story. Until then, talk about the things you have in common. Not the things that make you different.
- Don’t try to set them up with your friends
You have their best interest at heart, but just because they are single doesn’t mean that they are looking for love. Many women today are choosing to experience motherhood on their own.
The impression you give when you try to set someone up is that their life must be sad and lonely without a partner. You are showing a narrow-minded view, and your statement suggest they must be miserable without a husband or a wife.
If the single parent asks for dating advice or makes it clear he or she is looking, then that’s the green light for you to trot out your single friends.
- Be helpful, parent to parent
If it seems that interacting with single parents comes with navigating many potential landmines, it’s not. You are both parents. They get exhausted and want to ship their kids away to a grandparent just like you. They have parenting issues with their children, just like you.
So, if you really want to help talk to them parent to parent. But do not offer advice because they are a single parent. Offer because they are a parent—and parenting is tough—single or not. No further qualification necessary.
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