This Grandma Doesn’t Wear Depends

grandparents, grandmothers, grandma

Why do people associate grandmas with being old, gray haired, and wearing Depends?  Now I may have a few gray hair, but this grandma doesn’t wear Depends.  I’ve have some issues when I have coughed or sneezed, but when I do reach the point where I need Depends, will Depends define who I  am?  I think not. 

Here’s a picture of me that was taken of me last year during a promotion that I did for JC Penny’s Portraits, and the second picture with my daughter approximately 5 years ago at a family function. Do I look like an old, gray-haired woman who’s peeing on herself in either?

So you’re wondering what prompted this post, right? Another blogger, yes I said another blogger. Long story short, I was complimenting her and the fact that I liked various things about her site. As the conversation progressed, she stated that she had quite a few grandmas who visited her blog and she didn’t know why. She gently invoked Depends in the conversation. My initial response was is she trying to throw shade? I’m so glad that I have matured and handle things much differently than I did in my 20s, 30s even 40s because: 


1.  I’m the queen of reading your ass and it ain’t pretty. Yeah, Bye Felicia! 

2.  I would have left you with your mouth hanging open and words burned so deep into the recesses of your brain, you would be shaking your head for the rest of your life trying to get rid me. 

However, I don’t see a need to go there anymore so I responded by laughing and stating that I have a few creaks and some other things going on, but I wasn’t close to Depends. I also stated that I was on her site because I was looking for the same things that she and other mothers were looking for with their children. Do our positions or the differences in our ages change that?

 


I further stated that my responsibilities with my grandchildren are no different from her raising her children.  When my grandchildren are in my care and custody, I raise them as if I gave birth to them. It is my job to guide and lead them in the right direction just like their parents. The only difference between their parents and me, I have more money.  She seemed to get it after that, but did it really require an explanation?  

Being a grandmother is quite a prestigious position and one that I will wear with honor even when I reach the Depends stage.  As a grandmother I want to tell you a few things that you should not do with me:

1. Assume that I’m old and gray and ready for a rocker.  I have a lot of fire inside of me and I’m not close to throwing in the towel and rocking the rest of my life away just yet.  

2. Assume that I’m technically challenged and not cool. I have a smart phone, text, use a camera phone, have an SLR digital with long range lens, a laptop, a tablet, a GPS in my vehicle, flat screen TVs, and any other electrical gadgets on the market that I feel I want to buy and can use them. 

3.  Assume that I don’t have any obligations to my grandchildren.  I’m just as obligated to my grandchildren as my daughter and son-in-law. I contribute to their upbringing, clothing and shelter too. I would die for those babies, wrap myself around a pole and shake my groove thing if I had to so that I could take care of them. Thank goodness, I don’t have to resort to those tactics. I know you’re as happy about that as I am. 

4.  Assume that I don’t know the likes and dislikes of my grandchildren or the latest on the market. I know their favorite cartoon characters, favorite TV channels, latest clothing fads, what sneakers are cool, up on the movies and games, know the great vacation spots, and can make their favorite foods and treats. More so than my 30 year old children. That’s right, they look to me for the information because they don’t know. They love coming to Mawmaw’s too. My grandchildren don’t want to go home because my house is the bomb.    

5. Assume you can say or do whatever you want to me. No you can’t, so be prepared to get a response that you may not like if you don’t come correctly. I require the same respect that I give you. 

As bloggers networking is important, we can all learn from each other. As bloggers and human beings, we all want to connect, build a following and interact. I really don’t think any of us want to talk to ourselves when we write and publish a post, so isn’t our goal to connect with readers and to share what we’ve written? I believe that we have the same goals as parents and grandparents.    

I understand having a target audience, and  a niche. Quite frankly, I write about what I love which is family, gardening, crafts, quotes and motivating others. My target audience is parents who are in the age range of 20 – 60 who are looking for parenting tips/advice, ways to save on food expense, budgeting, a little motivation and lots of laughs. Not once have I wondered why anyone was on my site because of their perceived age or position in life. I have worked hard to make Mother 2 Mother warm, inviting and inclusive!  Everyone is welcome.   


You may also like: Creating Family Traditions

  How To Establish Boundaries For Grandparents

How To Establish Boundaries for Grandparents

                                                 My grandson and I at the pumpkin patch


I love my role as a grandmother. I’ve been a proud grandmother for 7 years, and I actually see my role no differently from my daughter’s. I want the best for my grandchildren just like my daughter and son-in-law.    


Grandparents have an obligation to ensure our grandchildren are healthy, nourished, clothed, educated, have a roof over their heads, and enjoy life too.  It’s important that we create memories of them spending time with us as well.  How many children do you know that protest going to visit their grandparents?  There’s a reason for that, and that’s why we have the title “Grand”.  

                                                        Zarriah, sleepy, at Myrtle Beach, SC

It’s a special relationship, one that differs somewhat from raising our sons and daughters.  We have more experience in the parenting field, know the history of the family and most times in a better financial position than we were when we were raising our children.  My daughter and son-in-law depend on me to assist in the upbringing of their children, but they made it clear that they are the parents and I needed to abide by their rules and wishes. Establishing boundaries for grandparents is simple, have a conversation with your parents and talk about expectations.   


Accepting my daughter’s wishes was a hard hard pill for me to swallow, but I knew that I did not want to jeopardize my relationship with my grandchildren or my children, so I swallowed it.  There are times when they are being disciplined that I really have to bit my tongue and not pull rank. I will eventually make things better, but I have learned to be respectful.  Because I have made a conscious decision to not overstep boundaries, I have been able to build a great relationship with my grandchildren without offending my children. 

                                       My grandson and his grandfather at the carnival

Here’s a few tips for establishing a great relationship with your grandchildren without interfering with the parent’s rules and wishes:


  • Don’t cross the lines –  Children need to understand the roles of the adults in their life and see that you’re on the same page as mom and dad.
  • Establish traditions with your grandchildren –  Each year I take Xavier to the pumpkin patch and make sure he gives Santa his Christmas list.  Zarriah is now old enough to be included in these traditions.  
  • Create memories that are only available at grandma and granddad’s – I make special pancakes and waffles for their breakfast when they’re visiting.  We have craft time, go out to lunch or dinner, and they love MawMaw’s chicken wings. My daughter does not attempt to duplicate any of these special moments.    
  • If you’re divorced and I am, demonstrate that you can co-grandparent – I ensure my ex-husband is involved in activities at my home when they’re visiting.  (Gaga is participating in Xavier’s visit above).  
  • Become involved in their school and after school activities – I make an effort to meet teachers, attend school and sporting events etc.  I want to know who’s responsible for their education, who’s providing child care and I want them to know me.  
  • Keep the children on track – Stay on schedule with bedtimes, bath times, manners and discipline.  You don’t want to cause any setbacks for the parents.
  • Be creative – Tell them a story about your upbringing or their parents.  My granddaughter loves for me to make up stores about her being a princess and including family members.   
  • Become the family historian – Talk about other family members and your memories of them.  
  • Polish your craft skills – Children love making things for parents and grandparents.  
  • Take your grandchildren on a road trip – Spend a few days at the beach, camping or snow tubing.  They will remember it forever.  
  • Never discuss conflicting issues in front of the children – If there are disagreements on raising them, discipline concerns etc., discuss them away from the children.  
  • Keep the lines of communication open – Let your children know that you’re available for advice on parenting or just to listen. My daughter values my opinion on raising the children and life.   

My daughter enjoys listening to me tell the children stories and watching us make cookie and brownie treats. She looks forward to me visiting and spending time with the children, because she knows that I respect her as a mother. In return, she respects me as their grandmother. Many times she wants to participate in the activities as well. It’s a great feeling when she calls and asks when I’m coming to visit.  

My advice to parents, accept that grandparents play a special role in a child’s life. We’re sugar queens and kings and we become sneaky creatures. Yes, our perspective on things have changed from when we raised you. We can justify anything that our grandchildren do as long as they’re not bringing harm to themselves. Our job was to get you out of the house, our job now is to get our grandchildren in.

You may also like:  Celebrity Grandparents

The Best and Worst Cereals

Are your kids bouncing off the walls after breakfast?  It could be that bowl of sugar that you placed in front of them this morning for breakfast.  My grandchildren like cold cereal, and it’s a great option when I don’t have time or feel like fixing pancakes or waffles. I decided to research the sugar grams in what I was feeding them, and I was quite surprised when I came across the best and worst cereal list.  I thought I would share it with you. You too may be surprised by the list, and may think twice about what you serve your children for breakfast.   Here’s the list:


                                          Best Cereals

      •  Mini Wheats                               
      •  Life                                      
      • Rice Krispies                       
      • Wheaties                                   
      • Kix                                          
      • Corn Flakes                               
      • Cheerios                                     
      • Shredded Wheat    
      • Honey Nut Cheerios
      • Grape Nuts
      • Special K  

                                                               Worst Cereals

      • Honey Smacks                        
      • Golden Crisp                           
      • Lucky Charms                       
      • Fruit Loops                             
      • Trix                                           
      • Raisin Bran                              
      • Sugar Frosted Flakes       
      • Apple Jacks
      • Crunch Berries            

                                    
I love Honey Nut Cheerios and Raisin Bran.  I’m happy at least one of them made the Best Cereal List and that one just happens to be the cereal I give my grandchildren. The majority of the time I give my grandchildren oatmeal, especially during the cold, winter months or fix them pancakes or waffles with fruit. Occasionally, I do fix sausage links with eggs. Neither are fond of bacon. 


Does yours or your child’s favorite cereal fall into the Best or Worst list? Is the list making you rethink your cereal choice? It will definitely be a reminder the next time I’m in the cereal aisle and considering buying something different.  



The Benefits of Family Meals

Do you eat as a family? Research has shown that there are benefits to eating together as a family. I believe it. When I was raising my daughter, I made it a point to prepare a meal and we sit at the table as a family. Sometimes it would breakfast, but the majority of the time it was dinner. I used it as an opportunity to discuss the events of the day, and to exchange other pertinent information. I remember my daughter having a guest one week-end. We decided to order pizza. When the pizza arrived, her guest opened the box to have a slice. I explained to her friend that we didn’t eat out of the box, I set the table and we shared the meal.

It was a beautiful day, so I decided to make use of the deck for the meal. The young lady seemed shocked and at a lost when I set out dinner plates, glasses, forks, knifes and napkins. I had prepared a salad and ice tea to go along with the pizza, so I placed the salad and pitcher of tea on the table as well. She explained that they didn’t eat that way in her home. Everyone eat when and what they wanted, and I could find her mother with a beer in her hand any time of the day or night. Once we sat at the table and I started the dinner conversation, she became at ease and joined in. I realized how differently things were done in her home and family dinners were truly a benefit. Family dinners allowed me to:

  • Be a role model and set an example for my daughter
  • Find out what was happening with her in school 
  • Find out what was happening with her friends
  • Discuss outside activities and the news
  • Discuss what was happening with other family members
  • Make plans for the week-end

A study at Cornell University has shown that having family meals also prevent:

  • Youth drug/substance abuse
  • Unhealthy eating habits
  • Developing a disconnect with parents
  • Failure in school

Because of family meals, my daughter grew up eating healthier and knowing the importance of family, school, planning and setting goals. Do you plan family meals? Leave me a comment and share how your family has benefited from family meals.

Why You Should RSVP

Do you RSVP?  Maybe you heard about the story of the parents who were billed for a portion of a party because they failed to attend a party?  Apparently they sent an RSVP stating they would attend; however, they didn’t show up.  But they failed to contact the hosting parents to let them know of their change of plans.  Since the host parents paid for accommodations for their child, they wanted to be reimbursed for the expense. So they sent the parents a bill and threaten to take them to small claims court if they didn’t pay up. You can read the details here.

I laughed when I read the story.  Because I remembered all the times that I sent invitations and asked guests to RSVP.  And they never bothered to  respond one way or the other.  I have never thought about sending a bill to those who did RSVP, but never showed up.  I most admit, I like the thought.

When I send out an invitation for an informal or formal event, I ask guests to RSVP.  For example, if it’s an informal events I always ask the guests to call me. I give a date that they must call by and my phone number.  Additionally, I expect them to call and say yes they are coming or no they are not coming.

I ask for the RSVP to be mailed to me when I send out a formal invitation.  Furthermore, I include the RSVP card and a stamped return envelop.

I ask guests to RSVP because I need to know how much food to prepare, how much liquor to purchase, or how many party favors to purchase. To me it’s just disrespectful when a guest does neither. RSVP means respond/reply please. I never do Regrets Only, I want to hear yes or no from the invited guests.  I’m not unique, other people who are hosting parties expect the same.

I hosted my grandchildren’s birthday several years ago. It was a huge backyard event with clowns, magicians, a bounce house and everything else that goes along with a carnival themed party. I had 10 people show up with their children and they never bothered to RSVP.

Needless to say, I had not planned for 20 extra people. One of the guests had 5 children. It left me scrambling. I had to purchase and cook more food, put more party favor bags together and accommodate more children and parents. I should have billed the parents for the stress alone. That would teach them the meaning of RSVP.

Proper etiquette requires those who receive an invitation to not ignore it. It is not up to the host to call you to find out if you’re coming or not. If they thought enough of you to send an invitation, you should think enough of them to respond one way or the other.

For those who RSVP and don’t show up, you have cost the host money.  Because they have included you and/or your children in the food, beverage and party favor count.  The cost is even more profound for weddings and other formal events. Those events normally require a cater who charge by the plate.  Additionally, if alcohol is involved it’s per bottle and bartenders must be paid.  

Finally, now that you know the meaning and importance of RSVP, please respond.  In conclusion, you may find that family, friends, co-workers and neighbors are leaving you and your family off the party list. Better yet, you may find an invoice in your mailbox if you end up being a no show.

15 Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied

bullying

Do you have a child in school? Are they scared of the school bully?  School bullies are a national problem in America’s school systems.  Bullies can be found in preschool, elementary, junior, and high schools.  A bully is defined as a person with internal anger, resentment, and aggression.  They normally lack interpersonal skills and choose to displace their aggression onto another person.

Furthermore, it’s anti-social behavior.  For example, school bullies usually come from families who lack warmth and affection.  Or from abusive homes. They are usually poor students and aggressive.  However, this is not always the rule.  A new bred of bullies have emerged.  They are referred to as “brat bullies or cyber bullies“.  These bullies are usually seen as spoiled, and they believe the world revolves around them.

Most importantly, bullying isn’t gender specific.  Believe it or not, girls are just as capable as bullying as boys. They just use different tactics.  Additionally, boys usually resort to physical violence.  Where as girls inflict psychological pain.  For example they may resort to calling their victim names, starting rumors, gossiping, or excluding the victim from groups or parties.  Psychological abuse can be just as devastating as physical abuse.  Some of the effects of psychological abuse are eating disorders, ulcers, depression, and suicide.

Just as importantly,  nasty emails and text messages are a part of the brat bully’s psychological warfare.  So, bullies are not limited to children who come from poverty, low income, or broken homes.  As a matter of fact, most suffer from low self-esteem, they wear the latest fashions, and engage in the latest technological trends.  Also, they are raised in middle class and well to do homes.  Beware!  They call their victims fat, ugly, poor, make fun of the victim’s family or their cloths. They send emails or post pictures of the victim on-line and start rumors about them.

So, pay attention parents.  Most importantly, if your child’s behavior changes, grades go down or they have mood swings, they may be having problems with a bully.  Likewise, don’t ignore the signs or think that the problem will go away.  You must get to the bottom of the problem and deal with it head on. Here are a few signs:

  • Afraid to walk or ride the bus to school
  • Feeling ill in the morning, and not wanting to go to school
  • Asking for extra money or starts to steal
  • Starts bullying siblings
  • Stops eating or starts eating excessively
  • Poor grades
  • Cloths torn or dirty
  • Starts stammering
  • Crying themselves to sleep at night
  • Crying before going to school
  • Attempts or mentions suicide
  • States that they hate themselves
  • Withdraws from activities that they previously enjoyed
  • Nightmares
  • Have conversations with your child on what’s happening in school, with friends etc.  You may be able to detect problems during the conversation.

Let your child know that not everyone will like them.  Also, let them know they don’t have to put up with abuse from other people.  Be sure to notify school officials of your concerns.  Proper action must be taken to safeguard your child.  Bullying affects a person’s self-esteem and leaves life long scars.

Additionally, if your child is a bully you must address the pain that your child is inflicting.  So, don’t think that it’s not a big deal or kids are being kids.  For this reason, it’s imperative that you understand that children are killing themselves as a result of the pain they are enduring.   In addition, ask if you’re setting a good example for your child?  Furthermore, ask if you’re contributing to your child’s mistreatment of another person?  Bullying is a serious issue within our society.  It must be addressed. We would love to hear from about your bully experiences.  Please leave us a comment.

You may also like:   How to Help Victims of Bullies

How To Find Mentors When Mom or Dad Is Absent

how to find mentors

 

 

Are you a single parent  who needs to provide male or female influence for your son or daughter?   I’ve bee there, and I also know that parenting is a taxing role.  But one that can be rewarding too.  As single parents, we worry about everything because the majority of the time we do everything.  Furthermore, having daily support from dad is rare.  So, we must become the back bone when it comes to raring our children.  However, finding resources is imperative.

My ex-husband was involved in my daughter’s life after we divorced, but it was on his terms.   His priorities were all wrong.  For example, the responsibility of getting my daughter up, providing clothing, feeding her, educating her, taking her to activities and turning her into a young lady was my responsibility.  For the most part, he thought if he handed over money he had done his part.  As a result, I ended up divorce and making it on my own.

Regardless of whether you have a son or daughter, they will need a male influence in their life.  You can and you must provide a strong male figure.  Speaking from a male perspective is something we as women simply can not do.  However I do have a  a few tips on how I accomplished that goal and provided male role models for my daughter:

  • First, if you have a sister or brother or aunt or uncle who is married, you trust them,  and they have established a home and family please call them.  I’m sure their husband or wife would be willing to spend time talking to and teaching your child how to become a positive person in our society.
  • Next, contact your local Big Brother and Sister organization – They have volunteers who wish to spend time with local children.  Also, one of my male employees was a volunteer for a little girl.  As a matter of fact, he was a huge supporter for most of her life and is still involved now that she is an adult.
  • Also, get your child involved in church activities.  Preferably with someone who is trustworthy.  We hear so much about Catholic Priests and ministers who abuse children.  Take the necessary steps, and ensure your child is around those who can truly be trusted.  Predators choose churches because we as parents make the mistake of thinking that everyone is holy.
  • Furthermore, camps are also a good way for your child to learn about leadership from both a male and female perspective.  This can be a church camp, sports, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, or whatever organizations you can find locally.
  • Most importantly, if you are blessed and have your father, get him involved.  Grandfathers have great influence on their grandchildren.
  • Recreational centers are another way to provide role models and mentors for your child.
  • Last, if you have positive nieces or nephews, have them spend quality time with your son or daughter. They will share things with each other that most won’t talk about in front of their parents.  This will give your child an opportunity to hear things from a different perspective too.
In conclusion, don’t worry that your son will become a murder, rapist or bank robber because mom is not around. Don’t worry that your daughter may become promiscuous and bring home babies out of wedlock or marry the first man who comes along because dad was absent.  The world is filled with people who fit into these categories who were raised in 2 parent homes.  Most importantly, there are many people in the world who were raised by single parents, and they are successful.
You must talk to your child constantly, so they know what path to take and be honest.  Let them know that being a single parent is not a glamorous job, but in fact hard work and you want more for them.  Lead the way, they’re depending on you.

If you have additional resources or ideas that are not listed, please share.

 

11 Manners You Should Teach Your Child

manners, parenting,

Do you believe children today have less respect for elders and using manners is of no importance? I have found that excuse me, thank you, and please don’t seem to be a part of our children’s vocabulary these days. When did we lose this value? Teens have either cut in front of me or reached across me and never uttered a word.

When I was raising my daughter, manners were important. Good manners will take our children a long way.  I have been baffled about some children’s interaction with their parents on various occasions.  I have heard children call their parents by their first name, yell at them, just be downright disrespectful and the parent took no action.

Manners are taught and they should be taught at home. Along with manners comes respect. Instilling manners is a sign of respect for your parents and your upbringing as well as respect for yourself.  Who wants to be around rude and impolite children. These rude and impolite children will grow up to be rude and impolite adults. Here are a few tips to get your child on the road to respect and being polite:

 

  1. Please and Thank You. When you ask your child to pick up their toys, get ready for their bath etc. say please. When your child abides say thank you. Children learn by example.
  2. Yes Ma’am and Yes Sir. This is extremely important, especially when they are responding to seniors.
  3. Say Hello or Hi when you introduce them to friends, co-workers, church members or you have visitors in your home.
  4. Share toys, treats etc. when playing with friends or siblings.
  5. To Not Interrupt adult conversations unless it is an emergency.
  6. Table Manners. This will be important when you’re dining out or invited to a friend’s home or family gathering during the holidays. Your child needs to understand that they can not play with their food, slurp, burp, or create games with their eating utensils. If a burp does arise, teach them to say excuse me.
  7. Excuse Me when they need to pass in front of an adult or get around them.
  8. Be Positive – Say nice things about other people.
  9. Wash Their Hands with soap and water after using the bathroom and before meals. Also, teach them to wipe their hand on a towel and not on their clothes. Teaching them to use hand sanitizer is a good idea when soap and water is not available.
  10. Wipe their nose with a tissue and not their hands. Also, picking their nose is improper.
  11. Respect  – Showing respect toward adults and others.  Demonstrate respect and your children will mimic you.

Using patience with your child is a must while teaching them manners. They won’t learn overnight, so it’s important that you remind them of the importance of manners often. As they get older and they have mastered the basics, you can instill other values.

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Is Your Child A Cyber Bully



Why aren’t more parents monitoring what their children are doing on-line?  The answer most parents give is because they are intimidated by the computer.  They lack computer skills, don’t have a smart phone and they really aren’t interested in learning how to use one.  As parents, we must be involved in what’s happening in our child’s life, especially in the age of modern technology.  From one mother to another, I think it’s imperative that we get involved in our children’s activities and stop thinking they’re doing the right thing and don’t need to be monitored.  

As parents we all want to think that we’ve raising angels and our children know right from wrong.  We’re shocked when we get a call to come into the school for inappropriate behavior from our child, when we receive a call from jail to bail them out or the cop knocks on the door to deliver bad news.  We all think that these things couldn’t possibly happen to us, these situations happen in other people’s homes.  So why should we concern ourselves.  How many times have you heard, my child would never do that!

I can give you a few reasons.  Did you hear about the Florida teens, 15 and 16, that were arrested for setting up a phony Facebook page that was X-rated several years ago.  They were charged with pasting the face of a school mate, whom they didn’t like, on a nude body and filled the page with foul language.  They thought it was a joke. They were charged with felony stalking.    


How about the young lady that committed suicide last year because she was bullied.  We must overcome our fears.  A blogger recently experienced cyber bullying with her daughter.  As a matter of fact her blog was down for most of a day because it was hacked. Bullying is real, and it wrecks havoc on families.  A teen in my neighborhood committed suicide a few years ago.  If we as a parents won’t face our fears, how do we encourage our children to face theirs?  


Here are a few suggestions on how to overcome the fear of the computer and how you can get involved to help stop cyber bullying:

  • If you don’t consider yourself to be technically savvy, take a class or better yet get your child to teach you.  They love showing off their computer skills.  
  • Ask questions about your child’s friends and what’s happening in their life.  Follow them on sites popular with teens and make sure you have access to their accounts.  
  • Ask other parents, aunts, uncles, sisters and brothers to stay involved with your children on-line.  We can’t monitor our children 24/7, but you can recruit family and friends to assist.  It takes a village to raise a child.    
  • Computer etiquette starts at home.  Have conversations with your child or children on what’s appropriate or inappropriate to put on-line.  If they’re minors, you’re in control and you need to let them know you’re ruling the roost.  They must follow rules that you have set for on-line activities.   
  • Discuss the consequences of cyber stalking and the legalities of posting inappropriate posts. It’s illegal and the consequences are certainly worth a conversation with your child. 

Do you see the importance of keeping up with your child?  Better yet stay in front of them so you can lead.  If you can’t stay in front of them stay beside them.  Taking a class is cheaper than paying a lawyer to get your child out of a felony for on-line harassment or other effects from bullying.  Would love to know your thoughts on this post and how you monitor your child’s on-line activities.    


You may also like:     15 Tips to Detect If Your Child Is Being Bullied

Photo compliments of www.stockvault.net

8 Reasons Dads Are Winning Custody

 

Dads are winning custody.  Times have changed and most courts are no longer awarding child custody to moms just because they’re mom. Many years ago moms getting custody was the standard.  They were given custody in divorces or in relationships that didn’t work out.  This is no longer the standard.  There’s a new generation of men, and along with them comes a new attitude, a new perspective and a battle for their children.  News Flash – they’re winning.  

I’ve watched four of my nephews over the years win custody of their children. Yep, four.  I’m proud to say they’re doing an excellent job of raising their children too.  When the first nephew went to court, I thought his chances of winning were slim. He came ready for the game, hit the ball out of the park and walked away with his son.    

The second, third and fourth nephews followed with custody battles for their children.  They all came out winners. The first nephew that I talked about shares custody with his son’s mother; however, she knows that she better walk a straight and narrow line or on it’s on again and he will win.  As a matter of fact, his son is now old enough to tell the court who he wants to live with.  If he has to choose, it will be his dad.  The second and third nephews have have full custody of their sons and the fourth has shared custody of his daughter as well.      

Here’s a few reasons why dads are winning custody from my perspective:

1)  They established paternity in the hospital, and ensured they were involved in all aspects of their child’s upbringing.  They were involved in feedings, changed diapers, and provided financial, emotional and physical support from day one.  

2)  Women today have outdated thinking.  They still think the man owes them, they don’t realize the importance of being self-sufficient.  Not one of my nephews relies on the system for food stamps, medical care or anything else for their children.  They buy food, clothes, provide insurance, pay for recreational activities etc.  They are not handing money over to mom for child support, they pay for the purchases directly and track the expenses.  Judges are impressed with the bookkeeping, and the majority of the time the money spent exceeds what they would be required to pay in court.     

3)  Men are involved in their children’s recreational activities, attend parent and teachers conferences, assist with homework etc.  There’s no mommy or daddy duties.  They can perform as well as mom.   

4)  They established joint custody early.  They have their children from infancy at least half of the week.  They are smart enough to have established days of custody and times documented.   Because they have joint custody and have the children at least 50% of the time, they are not obligated to pay child support or pay very little.  Their money goes toward the expenses in their own homes for their children.  

5)  They are able to provide a stable environment that is not subsidized by taxpayers/the state. The first nephew owns a home, two have townhouses, and the fourth is working on purchasing a home.  Judges love saving the state money.    

6)  They are involved in community service, coach their children in sports, and strive to set examples.  Their children are taken to shows, professional games, have yearly birthday parties, summer vacations at the beach, involved in other family activities and attend church.  

7)  They consistently strive to improve educationally and professionally.  Two of my nephews have opened a business together while raising their children.  None of them are stay at home dads. They know they have to work in order to provide for their children and themselves.  They’re doing it all, and each of their children are excelling all around.  Judges are impressed with their ability to parent and provide.    

8)  They obtain legal representation who come out swinging.  None of my nephews played dirty in their efforts to seek custody.  They won on their ability to parent, their character and their desire to be in their children’s life.        

It’s a new day, and if we as women don’t change our thinking and get in position to win many may find themselves on the outside looking in.  Not all men are interested in finding out if the grass is greener on the other side when they have children and their marriages and relationships don’t work. Some are making their children a priority, and they don’t need a women to assist them. They have family and community support, and they’re putting it to use in a positive way. 

When I say educate yourself and get in position, it doesn’t have anything to do with being a Welfare Queen or any other stereotype from the 70’s and 80’s.  This type of thinking is what I’m talking about in Reason 2 and why men are winning. There’s nothing wrong with seeking assistance to get on your feet, but it should not become a way of life.  The world has changed and you need to become aware of what’s happening around you.  Society is now seeing things differently, and men are seeing their roles differently.  

Not only have I watched four nephews seek and win custody, 2 of the four were awarded to their father in a custody battle 25 years ago.  I’m not on the outside looking in, I’m on the inside witnessing the battles go down.  So I speak to you from first hand knowledge.    

You must put on your suit of armor and gear up for the fight if you believe you could end up in a custody battle.  It is rare that a storm hits without warning.  These are not men who are involved in drugs, abuse alcohol, beat their partners, or hang out in clubs. I’m talking about real men who are willing and capable of raising their children.  From one mother to another, are you prepared for the fight?  

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