Protecting Kids From Bullying

Protecting kids from bullying is the parenting advice being shared today. Bullying is far from being a new phenomenon! However, modern technologies allow it to take various forms and become even more widespread. As a parent, you need to empower yourself and your kids and learn how to help them to protect themselves from bullying! 

 

 

protecting kids from bullying

 

 

Several years ago, our nine-year-old daughter declared one Sunday evening that she is done with going to school! You can imagine our shock while we were asking her about reasons! She didn’t say anything; she kept insisting that school is not for her. We didn’t want to make a big fuss about it, thinking it is some children’s thing, and so we said “Okay, you don’t have to go to school tomorrow! But can we talk about it again?” “Not tomorrow”, she said, “I am never going to school again! I am done!”  It was alarming indeed, but we still didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable more than she already was, so we tucked her in and wished her a good night while reassuring her that she won’t go to school the next day.

We went back to the living room and said at the same time – “How did we miss it?!” Given that one of us is a psychologist, we thought there is no way we won’t notice if someone is messing with our kid. Nonetheless, it happened! The day after, we talked about bullying with Audrey, and explained that it has nothing to do with her discussing things we can do to protect her from bullying. We then realized that if we failed to recognize there is a problem, it must be even more challenging for other parents. Kids grow up so quickly, and for us, it is often hard to imagine that one moment our biggest worry is baby gear, and bullying in the next one. Hence, we decided to share our story but also some tips on how to prevent child bullying!

 

Protecting Kids from Bullying

 

Understand Bullying

When you understand bullying, it will be simpler to recognize it and know how to stop it.  The thing that can be confusing is that we know that kids often tease each other. But there is an enormous difference between playful and friendly teasing that usually involves two sides and bullying. By definition, bullying is a form of physical or psychological violence that has three characteristics. It is always deliberate, repeated, and involves power imbalance (bully is older, stronger, male, richer, white, etc.). It has a lot of manifestations.

  •       Physical – pushing, pocking, pulling hair, punching, kicking, beating, etc.
  •       Verbal – shouting, intimidating, insulting, name-calling, etc.
  •       Relational – excluding, spreading rumors, getting others to hurt someone, etc.
  •       Cyberbullying –sending harmful content on Facebook, WhatsApp, and so on.

 

Recognize Signs of Bullying

If your kids experience bullying at school it isn’t very likely that they will immediately come to you. They often think that bullying is part of growing up, or that they should have been stronger and fought for themselves. They also might convince themselves that they shouldn’t be crybabies and make a big deal out of it. That is why you need to learn to recognize the signs of bullying.

 

Talk With the Kid

It is paramount to praise your kid when she or he tells you that they have been victims of bullying. It hasn’t been easy for them to come forth, and it is necessary to tell them how brave they are and that you are proud of them. Also, explain to them that bullying has nothing to do with them and that it is the violent kid who is causing the bullying. It will mean a lot for their confidence, which can be pretty shaken by bullying. Research about bullying and self-esteem shows that kids experiencing bullying at school have a lack of confidence.

 

protecting kids from bullying

 

 

Contact the Teacher

Kids often don’t want you to do this because they are afraid of retribution. Talk with your kid and explain to her or him why this is important. Say that other kids in this situation are maybe not so brave but also need protection. Propose to talk with the teacher after school hours. If nothing of this works, you may have to do it without your child’s consent.

 

Final Word

Many people still today see bullying as an unfortunate byproduct of childhood! We don’t! We see it as a product of the violent, patriarchal society in which we live. The fact that something always existed doesn’t mean we need to tolerate it.  Bullies do this because they want to exercise their power over those who they perceive as less powerful. The worst thing we can do is to turn a blind eye, whether it is happening to our or other kids that we know! Only by reacting, we can stop this! Have you ever suspected or had a kid tell you he or she is a victim of bullying?

I hope this post will give you some insight on protecting your kids from bullying.  It’s real, and it happens everyday.  You may also like:  Signs of Bullying. 

 

 

Author’s bio: Laura Casey is a blogger, mother, and housewife who shares her vast experience in parenting, motherhood, and pregnancy. Her articles have already helped a lot of people who deal with parenting. She draws inspiration from raising kids, Motherhood itself and blogging. One of the most useful blogs in her list is https://top-mom.com/ . Check it out! 

 

Angry Sam – Tales of a Bullied Kid (Kids Book Reviews)

 

bullying tips

 

School is back in session, and it will bring problems to parents around the world.  Parent will encounter kids not wanting to go to school, missing the school bus, forgetting their lunch, detention,  protesting homework, and being bullied.

When school starts, I start adding books to my kids book reviews list.  Furthermore, I suggest that you either add them to your kids suggested reading list or by-pass them.   I’m always on the look out for books that will help our children with esteem and other social issues.  Bullying affects children’s self-esteem and can lead to social issues.  I’m a huge advocate on the prevention of bullying because my daughter was bullied when she was in high school.   As a result, I try to give advice on how other mothers can handle and survive this painful experience.

I came across the book Angry Sam.  It’s a perfect book to help teach your child about being bullying, discuss the emotions that come with being bullied and finding a solution.

The book revolves around Samuel Woodhouse.  Sam is a second grader at Castlegrove Primary in London.  He is a  video guru and loved watching Kung Fu movies.  But, some of the older kids had different plans for Sam.  Audrey was the meanest girl in the school.  Her and her sidekicks Dean and Gordon were school bullies.  Sam dreaded going to school.  They kicked him, tore his clothes, threw food on him, and stole his games.

Next, Sam kept his torment a secret.  He didn’t tell his mom or dad.  He thought the bullies would eventually find someone else to pick on and life would be good at Castlegrove.  Sam continues to show up at school.  However, he’s losing control of his emotions.  He starts plotting revenge.    The continued abuse leaves him with no other option but to fight back.

Every parent should read this book, so they can gain insight on bullying.  Read it with young children. Furthermore, if they are a little older let them read the book alone.  Afterwards, ask questions and give them advice on how they can handle the mistreatment.

Most importantly, Sam kept his torment a secret from his parents and teachers.  Your child could be keeping their pain from you too.  However, let your child know they aren’t alone.  It’s okay for them to tell a teacher or you.  Be sure to add Angry Sam to your list.

 

 

15 Signs of Bullying By Kids

Today, I’m sharing parenting advice on signs of bullying.  Do you have a child in school? If so, this post is for you regardless of their age.  Bullying can start in kindergarten.  Is your child scared to go to school or scared of someone in their class?
School bullies are a national problem in America’s school systems.  Bullies can be found in preschool, elementary, junior, and high schools.  A bully is defined as a person with internal anger, resentment, and aggression.  And, they normally lack interpersonal skills and choose to displace their aggression onto another person.
signs of bullying

 

 

Furthermore, it’s anti-social behavior.  For example, school bullies usually come from families who lack warmth and affection or abusive homes. They are usually poor students and aggressive.  However, this is not always the rule.  A new bred of bullies have emerged.  They are referred to as “brat bullies or cyber bullies“.  These bullies are usually seen as spoiled, and they believe the world revolves around them.

Most importantly, bullying isn’t gender specific.  Believe it or not, girls are just as capable as bullying as boys. They just use different tactics.  Additionally, boys usually resort to physical violence.  Where as girls inflict psychological pain.  For example they may resort to calling their victim names, starting rumors, gossiping, or excluding the victim from groups or parties.  Psychological abuse can be just as devastating as physical abuse.  Some of the effects of psychological abuse are eating disorders, ulcers, depression, and suicide.

Just as importantly,  nasty emails and text messages are a part of the brat bully’s psychological warfare.  So, bullies are not limited to children who come from poverty, low income, or broken homes.  As a matter of fact most suffer from low self-esteem.  They wear the latest fashions, and engage in the latest technological trends, but deep down they feel inadequate.  So know that middle class and well to do homes have bullies too.  They call their victims fat, ugly, poor, make fun of the victim’s family or their cloths. They send emails or post pictures of the victim on-line and start rumors about them.

So, pay attention. Most importantly, if your child’s behavior changes, grades go down or they have mood swings, they may be having problems with a bully.  Likewise, don’t ignore the signs or think that the problem will go away.  You must get to the bottom of the problem and deal with it head on.

 

signs of bullying

 

 

 

Signs of bullying:

  1. Afraid to walk or ride the bus to school
  2. Feeling ill in the morning, and not wanting to go to school
  3. Asking for extra money or starts to steal
  4. Starts bullying siblings
  5. Stops eating or starts eating excessively
  6. Poor grades
  7. Cloths torn or dirty
  8. Starts stammering
  9. Crying themselves to sleep at night
  10. Crying before going to school
  11. Attempts or mentions suicide
  12. States that they hate themselves
  13. Withdraws from activities that they previously enjoyed
  14. Nightmares
  15. Have conversations with your child on what’s happening in school, with friends etc.  You may be able to detect problems during the conversation

 

It’s imperative that you let your know that abuse from other people is unacceptable.  Be sure to notify school officials of your concerns.  Safeguard your child by taking proper action. Bullying affects a person’s self-esteem and leaves life long scars.

Additionally, if your child is a bully you must address the pain that your child is inflicting.  So, don’t think that it’s not a big deal or kids are being kids.  For this reason, it’s imperative that you understand that children are killing themselves as a result of the pain they are enduring.   Most importantly, ask if you’re setting a good example for your child?  Are you contributing to your child’s mistreatment of another person?  Bullying is a serious issue within our society.  I hope my insight on signs of bullying will help you to help your child.  We would love to hear from you about your child’s bully experiences.  Please leave us a comment.

You may also like:   How to Help Victims of Bullies

How To Help Victims of Bullies

I received a message from one of nephews for a contribution toward 3 pairs of shoes for 3 of our local school children.  First, he explained that the children were in middle school and they were being bullied simply because they had holes in their shoes.  As a result, he wanted to stop the bullying.  He stated that he wanted to help, but as a single father he needed financial assistance.   Today, I’m sharing parenting tips on victims of bullies.    Since it was 3 children in need, he would have to take away from his household expense to help all 3.  Of course, my sister and I jumped at the opportunity to help.

bullying

 

 

Here’s the story:  Two young boys, who happen to be twins, were being made fun of because their shoes were old and full of holes.  The children tried to explain that their parents were poor, and didn’t have money to buy them new shoes.  However, that didn’t stop the bullies from taunting them.   A third boy tried to intervene, but his shoes were full of holes too.  He understood the twins plight, and tried to stand up for them.  Unfortunately, he became a target of the harassment too.

 

bully, how to stop bullying

 

My heart broke as my nephew told the story.  I felt so sorry for the 3 boys, but I felt sadness for their harassers too. Are you wondering why I felt sorry for the bullies?  They obviously lack home training and most importantly empathy for those who have less than them. It all starts at home.  Obviously, they haven’t been taught to be charitable and to try to help others.  If these boy had been taught properly, they would have gone home and told their parents about their school mates being in need of new shoes rather than tease them.  At middle school age, they certainly should know better.

I taught my daughter early to reach out to others, and to give to the less fortunate. You must bless others if you want to be blessed. We bagged clothes, shoes, toys and anything else that we could find that could possibly help others in need.  To a point, she thought I could help everybody.  She brought a teen mom home and her baby one day.  She was in middle school at the time, I’ll share that story with you in another post.

Getting back to my awesome nephew, he went shopping for the shoes by himself.  While he was shopping, he sent the pictures above.  He found a reasonably priced pair of shoes for each of the children. I’m so proud of him for being a selfless young man.  He could have could have turned his back and walked away like so many do.

Fortunately, the school held an assembly to discuss bullying with the students.  Additionally, I’m hoping that they will contact the parents of those who are guilty of being a bully.  Most importantly, I hope that they have a  Zero Tolerance policy in place.

Teach your children that laughing at another’s misfortune is not acceptable.  Explain that they could possibly end up in the same position one day.  Our financial situation could change anytime.  Teach them to talk about their school mates.  Let them know that the right thing to do is to let you know about school mates in need.  You may be able to help.  If you can’t help financially, here a few tips that you can take to help victims of bullies:

1.  Contact your local church  – Many churches have clothing drives and have items readily available.
2.  Ask family and friends if they can contribute – A dollar from each adds up.
3.  Head up a local drive yourself – Most people are charitable and will be willing to donate.
4.  Ask your children if they would be willing to give up their allowance to help a schoolmate.
5.  Give up a trip to the salon or Starbucks for several weeks –  Donate your savings to your local charity.
6.   Contact your local Wal-Mart or Kmart – They may have a list of children who are in need.
7.  Check your children’s closet for donations – Determine if they have anything to spare.  If they have 5 pair of shoes will they really miss a pair?  If they have 10 pair of jeans, will they be willing to give up a pair?

We hope that you find our tips on how to help victims of bullies useful.  How do you bless others?  What’s your thoughts on this story?  You may also like  Stop Bullying.



Teen Suicide Is Real in America

Sadly, this is probably one of the saddest post that I’ve ever written.  My neighbor’s 13 year old daughter committed suicide.  They found her around 3:00 am.  One of my neighbors came to visit so she could let me know of the tragedy.  We discussed how we come together as a community to help this family.  That’s the type of neighborhood that I live in.  We look out for each other regularly, and help each other out in time of need.  Today, I’m sharing parenting tips on teen suicide in our society.  

 

Teen Depression

 

 

Like many, my neighbors stated that they hadn’t seen the suicide coming.   Their child was being bullied, but they didn’t see it as a big deal.  In their mind, she wasn’t being bullied anymore than anyone else.  My immediate thought was, here’s another child being bullied and nobody does anything about it.  Sadly, this child as ended her life.  She was a beautiful little girl with so much to live for.  However, in her mind she had nothing to live for.  Her pain was far greater than future.

After my neighbor left, I wondered how her parents could possibly find the strength to deal with this tragedy.  Furthermore, I wondered how they could not take bullying seriously.  How could they just chalk it up as her not being bullied anymore than anyone else.  Bullying is a serious problem.  I thought about the guilt that they must be feeling right now.  So many things have crossed my mind.  I wondered what I would say to them when I see them.  I wondered how they could continue to live in a home that was so lovingly built 3 years ago to one that would now hold a memory that would be unbearable.  How does life go on after you loose a child in any manner, especially to suicide?

 


 

 

Teen suicide is not unheard of in today’s world.  Why do kids think it’s  acceptable to torture another person?  Why are we so accepting of bullying, and so willing to chalk it up as kids being kids?   Most importantly, what’s happening to our parenting skills? I guarantee children aren’t just acting out and bullying other kids in school.  They’re misbehaving at home too.  Behavior problems start at home.  To single out another person and torture them is beyond my comprehension.

My daughter was bullied in school, and I’m here to tell you that it was not acceptable to me.  I took action.  I let the school and the parents of the girls involved know that there would be hell to be paid if it continued with my child.  At that point there was two things that you didn’t mess with 1) My daughter and 2) My money.  I labored for 8 hours to bring my daughter into the world.  She was an investment.  I invested all the love, time and money that I had into my daughter.  She became my life and my most prized possession.  I’ve just added to my portfolio now there’s my grandson and granddaughter.  Anyway, I told other parents that if they weren’t investing in their child, that wasn’t my problem.  And, they weren’t going to make it my daughter’s either.

 

teen depression

 

 

As my readers know, I have been writing about bullying for some time.  Unfortunately, bullying has an effect on families for the rest of their life.  You just don’t get over it as some people think.  It affects your self-esteem and self-worth.  Children don’t understand that the problem really lies with the kids who are doing the bullying.  As children it is easy to believe what the other person is saying about them.  Parents must counteract bullies.  Children today have no respect for authority, their peers or themselves.  They think it’s okay to just say or do whatever they please.  I would venture to say they have no respect for their parents either.

Wake up America, this is a serious problem in this country.  It is not kids being kids.  The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, works with a charity as a result of being bullied herself.  Her parents pulled her out of the school where the trauma was occurring.  I wonder what her bullies think of her now.

Finally, I pray that this family finds peace and the strength that they need to move through this difficult time.  No parent should have to lay their child to rest.  Parents, teen suicide is real in America.  And, it could become a reality in your life at any time.  Teen suicide changes everyone’s life.  All will remind in my prayers.

School Sued For Ignoring Bullies

Image-Bullies

 

This post is a follow-up of my July 23, 2006 post Don’t Bully My Child. Casey County High School in Kentucky is being sued because administrators and teachers failed to take the appropriate action to protect five students on school grounds from bullies. In my previous post, I stated that parents should meet with school officials, and ensure that their child is safe while they’re on school property. Here’s a story of the parents and students taking the appropriate action and receiving nothing in return.

Rachel Weddle has a bald spot from when a bully pulled her hair and punched her in the face at school. Bethany Buis received letters with death threats and eventually transferred schools. Lacy Griffith skipped her high school graduation fearing harassment. Charissa Gosser was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder, which involves feelings of depression or anxiety. Nikki Rayborn spent most of her time at school trying to avoid bullies. These are the five students that are suing for unspecified damages.

The suit states that school administrators told the girls and their parents on several occasions that nothing could be done by the school to stop bullying. One student was told to “ride it out.” The vice principal told one student that she needed to “toughen up. ” The lawsuit also stated that a teacher witnessed a physically aggressive act against one of the girls, and responded, “Whew, she’s mad at you.” One student stated that the vice principal told her that she “got more trouble than most girls” because she was pretty. ”

How can students get an education when they spend the day avoiding bullies, defending themselves, or reporting the harassment and hearing administrators tell them that they can’t protect them? I believe that it’s unfair for a child to miss their high school graduation, one of the most important and memorable days of their life, because they’re afraid of being bullied. I also believe that it is unfair for a student who is being harassed to have to transfer to another high school to avoid the harassment. Why not transfer the bully? I find it hard to believe that school administrators haven’t received training to handle school bullies. Personally, I won’t spend a lot of time, energy, or money on school bullies. Call the parents into the school, turn the problem children over to the parents, and remove them from the system until they learn self-respect, self-control, self-esteem, and learn to respect their school and fellow students. I believe the problem starts at home, and that’s where it needs to be worked on and corrected.

Did these school administrators fail these students and parents? If school administrators don’t know how to handle bullying, they can use State Senate Bill 1621 co-written by 15 year old Caitlyn Nolan in Tenneesee as an example. Nolan was bullied in middle school for years by the same person. She said she lived in constant fear. Administrators say Nolan was a prime target because she was an overachiever, president of the school council and an honor student. I thought these were traits that all parents and administators wanted to see in students, but bullies despise these type of students. Caitlyn said, “When she was pushed face first into her locker, she decided to take action.” She lobbied for guidance on how to deal with bullies in her school district. Her bill goes into effect just in time for the new school year. Caitlyn hopes the bill “shines a light on the problem that students are facing.” Congratulations Caitlyn for stepping up and taking action!