Is Your Child A Cyber Bully



Why aren’t more parents monitoring what their children are doing on-line?  The answer most parents give is because they are intimidated by the computer.  They lack computer skills, don’t have a smart phone and they really aren’t interested in learning how to use one.  As parents, we must be involved in what’s happening in our child’s life, especially in the age of modern technology.  From one mother to another, I think it’s imperative that we get involved in our children’s activities and stop thinking they’re doing the right thing and don’t need to be monitored.  

As parents we all want to think that we’ve raising angels and our children know right from wrong.  We’re shocked when we get a call to come into the school for inappropriate behavior from our child, when we receive a call from jail to bail them out or the cop knocks on the door to deliver bad news.  We all think that these things couldn’t possibly happen to us, these situations happen in other people’s homes.  So why should we concern ourselves.  How many times have you heard, my child would never do that!

I can give you a few reasons.  Did you hear about the Florida teens, 15 and 16, that were arrested for setting up a phony Facebook page that was X-rated several years ago.  They were charged with pasting the face of a school mate, whom they didn’t like, on a nude body and filled the page with foul language.  They thought it was a joke. They were charged with felony stalking.    


How about the young lady that committed suicide last year because she was bullied.  We must overcome our fears.  A blogger recently experienced cyber bullying with her daughter.  As a matter of fact her blog was down for most of a day because it was hacked. Bullying is real, and it wrecks havoc on families.  A teen in my neighborhood committed suicide a few years ago.  If we as a parents won’t face our fears, how do we encourage our children to face theirs?  


Here are a few suggestions on how to overcome the fear of the computer and how you can get involved to help stop cyber bullying:

  • If you don’t consider yourself to be technically savvy, take a class or better yet get your child to teach you.  They love showing off their computer skills.  
  • Ask questions about your child’s friends and what’s happening in their life.  Follow them on sites popular with teens and make sure you have access to their accounts.  
  • Ask other parents, aunts, uncles, sisters and brothers to stay involved with your children on-line.  We can’t monitor our children 24/7, but you can recruit family and friends to assist.  It takes a village to raise a child.    
  • Computer etiquette starts at home.  Have conversations with your child or children on what’s appropriate or inappropriate to put on-line.  If they’re minors, you’re in control and you need to let them know you’re ruling the roost.  They must follow rules that you have set for on-line activities.   
  • Discuss the consequences of cyber stalking and the legalities of posting inappropriate posts. It’s illegal and the consequences are certainly worth a conversation with your child. 

Do you see the importance of keeping up with your child?  Better yet stay in front of them so you can lead.  If you can’t stay in front of them stay beside them.  Taking a class is cheaper than paying a lawyer to get your child out of a felony for on-line harassment or other effects from bullying.  Would love to know your thoughts on this post and how you monitor your child’s on-line activities.    


You may also like:     15 Tips to Detect If Your Child Is Being Bullied

Photo compliments of www.stockvault.net

8 Reasons Dads Are Winning Custody

 

Dads are winning custody.  Times have changed and most courts are no longer awarding child custody to moms just because they’re mom. Many years ago moms getting custody was the standard.  They were given custody in divorces or in relationships that didn’t work out.  This is no longer the standard.  There’s a new generation of men, and along with them comes a new attitude, a new perspective and a battle for their children.  News Flash – they’re winning.  

I’ve watched four of my nephews over the years win custody of their children. Yep, four.  I’m proud to say they’re doing an excellent job of raising their children too.  When the first nephew went to court, I thought his chances of winning were slim. He came ready for the game, hit the ball out of the park and walked away with his son.    

The second, third and fourth nephews followed with custody battles for their children.  They all came out winners. The first nephew that I talked about shares custody with his son’s mother; however, she knows that she better walk a straight and narrow line or on it’s on again and he will win.  As a matter of fact, his son is now old enough to tell the court who he wants to live with.  If he has to choose, it will be his dad.  The second and third nephews have have full custody of their sons and the fourth has shared custody of his daughter as well.      

Here’s a few reasons why dads are winning custody from my perspective:

1)  They established paternity in the hospital, and ensured they were involved in all aspects of their child’s upbringing.  They were involved in feedings, changed diapers, and provided financial, emotional and physical support from day one.  

2)  Women today have outdated thinking.  They still think the man owes them, they don’t realize the importance of being self-sufficient.  Not one of my nephews relies on the system for food stamps, medical care or anything else for their children.  They buy food, clothes, provide insurance, pay for recreational activities etc.  They are not handing money over to mom for child support, they pay for the purchases directly and track the expenses.  Judges are impressed with the bookkeeping, and the majority of the time the money spent exceeds what they would be required to pay in court.     

3)  Men are involved in their children’s recreational activities, attend parent and teachers conferences, assist with homework etc.  There’s no mommy or daddy duties.  They can perform as well as mom.   

4)  They established joint custody early.  They have their children from infancy at least half of the week.  They are smart enough to have established days of custody and times documented.   Because they have joint custody and have the children at least 50% of the time, they are not obligated to pay child support or pay very little.  Their money goes toward the expenses in their own homes for their children.  

5)  They are able to provide a stable environment that is not subsidized by taxpayers/the state. The first nephew owns a home, two have townhouses, and the fourth is working on purchasing a home.  Judges love saving the state money.    

6)  They are involved in community service, coach their children in sports, and strive to set examples.  Their children are taken to shows, professional games, have yearly birthday parties, summer vacations at the beach, involved in other family activities and attend church.  

7)  They consistently strive to improve educationally and professionally.  Two of my nephews have opened a business together while raising their children.  None of them are stay at home dads. They know they have to work in order to provide for their children and themselves.  They’re doing it all, and each of their children are excelling all around.  Judges are impressed with their ability to parent and provide.    

8)  They obtain legal representation who come out swinging.  None of my nephews played dirty in their efforts to seek custody.  They won on their ability to parent, their character and their desire to be in their children’s life.        

It’s a new day, and if we as women don’t change our thinking and get in position to win many may find themselves on the outside looking in.  Not all men are interested in finding out if the grass is greener on the other side when they have children and their marriages and relationships don’t work. Some are making their children a priority, and they don’t need a women to assist them. They have family and community support, and they’re putting it to use in a positive way. 

When I say educate yourself and get in position, it doesn’t have anything to do with being a Welfare Queen or any other stereotype from the 70’s and 80’s.  This type of thinking is what I’m talking about in Reason 2 and why men are winning. There’s nothing wrong with seeking assistance to get on your feet, but it should not become a way of life.  The world has changed and you need to become aware of what’s happening around you.  Society is now seeing things differently, and men are seeing their roles differently.  

Not only have I watched four nephews seek and win custody, 2 of the four were awarded to their father in a custody battle 25 years ago.  I’m not on the outside looking in, I’m on the inside witnessing the battles go down.  So I speak to you from first hand knowledge.    

You must put on your suit of armor and gear up for the fight if you believe you could end up in a custody battle.  It is rare that a storm hits without warning.  These are not men who are involved in drugs, abuse alcohol, beat their partners, or hang out in clubs. I’m talking about real men who are willing and capable of raising their children.  From one mother to another, are you prepared for the fight?  

You may also like:  Dads Are Winning Custody

  




Only Children Syndromes: Fact or Fiction

This is my beautiful daughter who grow up an only child.  When I was raising her, I heard many women say that they would never have one child because they wouldn’t want them growing up alone or only children are spoiled and misbehaved.   My daughter turned out just fine.  She had playmates, she listened and she followed rules.  Now I must admit, I spoiled her rotten and I enjoyed every second of it.  Yes, she had more
than most children because she was an only child, but that’s not my problem.  I told parents who were bold enough to make comments that maybe they should have stopped at one too.  


She find herself a target by other kids at school at times.  When we got to the bottom of the harassment, we found that the child or children where envious of  her clothes, other possessions, and accomplishments.  She was called Little Princess by some of her classmates and if you can believe it by some adults.  Those with siblings seemed to be the ones who were green with envy.  I’m not saying that all children who had siblings were a problem, but I am saying that the children she had issues with had siblings.   Funny, she was suppose to be the one who ended up with problems.   

During that time, I often wondered why people believed that only children would be unhappy, selfish, spoiled, lonely and maladjusted.  The Only Children that I knew did not fall into any of these categories.  I’ve also wondered how America explained the behavior of children who misbehaved and who had siblings.  Most importantly, when our children end up with drug and alcohol problems or behind bars, does it really matter that they were Only Children, the Baby, the Middle Child or the Older Brother or Sister?

I did some research on Only Children and I’m happy to say that this article in  Psychology Today discusses some issues that parents encounter raising only children, however, the majority of only children turn out to be happy, well-adjusted adults.  It has also been proven that children with siblings often have self-esteem problems because they grow up thinking their siblings were favored or they were neglected because mom and dad had to divide their time, attention and money.  Oh lets not forget the middle child syndrome and the arguments and hatred spewed between siblings.  Psychologist have found that it can take a lifetime to work out problems created because children grew up believing they were treated unfairly by their parents or siblings.  In some situations they don’t speak for years if ever again over childhood issues that were never resolved.  

My daughter has stated that there were times she wished she had a sibling, but for the most part she was content with her upbringing.  She had my undivided attention, everything she needed, and the majority of the time she got everything she wanted.  By the age of 21, she had traveled to places that most people won’t see in a their lifetime.  I had no behavior problems with her growing up.  She did not hit, spit or bit other children nor did she disrespect any adults.  She excelled in school and had plenty of cousins and friends to play with.  To this day, she’s very sociable and respectful.    

For mothers who only have 1 child, don’t allow the myths of the “Only Child Syndrome” make you feel guilty about your decision. Personally, I believe people should have as many children as they want and can afford.  None of us know how our children are going to turn out.  Whether we have 1 child or 10, we just do the best that we can raising them.  I survived motherhood one day at a time, and it is still my motto.  


Do you have 1 child?  Did you grow up an only child?  I would love to hear your take on this issue.  Please leave us a comment. 

Cabbage and Sausage Recipe


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cabbage recipes

I love cabbage.  If you’re a fan, here’s a recipe that you must try.  Did you know that cabbage is great for your health?  It’s actually considered to be one of the best health foods.

Besides being delicious, here a few reasons to try this recipe:  

  • Cabbage contains the least fat and the fewest calories of any vegetable
  • It helps lower cholesterol
  • It’s loaded with Vitamin C
  • It’s a great natural source of fiber
  • It’s a great source of antioxidants  
  • It’s expensive to eat 

 Now that we have the health benefits down.  Here’s the recipe: 

  • 1 stick butter or margarine
  • 1 small head of cabbage, chopped
  • 1 small onion, chopped
  • 1 pound polish sausage, sliced into round pieces (I use smoked sausage)
  • 1 (15 ounce) can diced tomatoes  (Pull out a quart of your canned home grown tomatoes and chop) 
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon pepper
  • 1/4 of chopped green pepper
  • few drops of hot sauce (optional)
  • chopped garlic clove (optional)
Melt butter in large skillet.  Add cabbage, onion, and green pepper and cook on medium high for about 5 minutes stirring to keep from sticking to pan.  Add remaining ingredients, cover and simmer for 20 – 25 minutes.  Season to taste. 
Note:  I brown my sausage in the oven and have it ready to add to the simmering ingredients.  I found the recipe rather bland, so I added garlic.  Serve with diner rolls and apple sauce.   Makes about 8 servings.

Look Who’s Six – Happy Birthday

Hard to believe my baby boy turned six this week-end.  We spent the week-end celebrating his 6th birthday.  Yep, the top picture is from three years ago.  He is going up fast.  I’m amazed how his likes have changed as well.  No more Nick Jr. unless he’s watching cartoons with his baby sister.  He’s turned to Disney where they have real people,  as real as it gets on TV anyway.  No more dinosaur figures, hot wheels or toy soldiers.  He has iPad, X-Box and Kindle
Fire to play computer games and learning activities and a new four wheeler for outside fun.  You can find either a football or basketball in his hands.  We received a new bike for his birthday.  One without training wheels at that. 

His taste in clothes has changed as well.  No more Elmo, Handy Manny, or Cars tees.  He’s into Nike, Addias and Puma.  He now wears boxers, Jordan tennis shoes and his favorite sports team hats.  He’s playing flag football and basketball.  Where does time go?  

There was a part of me that was happy to be celebrating his 6th birthday, but a sadness too because I know it’s just a matter of time before his interest change even more.  Thankfully he still loves to snuggle with Mawmaw and thinks girls are yucky!  I have a few years left before he asks for the car keys and heads out on a date. 

How Do You Choose Grandparent Names

Did your children decide on their grandparent’s name or did your parents make the decision on what they wanted to be called?  My grandson ultimately made the decision for me.  I had initially selected the name Gran, but it didn’t stick. 

I was visiting my grandson one week-end, and when I walked into the house he said Mawmaw.  Where’s Gaga (referring to his grandfather)?  At that moment, Gran went out the window.   I must admit, I was surprised he called me Mawmaw.  I’ve often wondered how he came up with those names for us.  Especially, since I had been calling myself Gran for almost 2 years.  His grandfather had been calling himself granddaddy.  Isn’t it amazing how things can change in a split second. 

Now, I must admit that I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the name Mawmaw.  I didn’t think it was a fit for me and it sounded so old fashion.  I felt somewhat disappointed.  Afterall, I’m not your typical grandma.  I’m a high heel wearing diva who’s into blogging, texting, social media, and a need for wine.  I just wasn’t feeling Mawmaw.  I chose the name Gran because I didn’t want to end up with an old fashion out of date name.  Gran was traditional, but still had a sophisticated ring to it.  My daughter stated, “Mom you have to be whatever he calls you”.  I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed because I had spent 9 months selecting a name and it was suddenly gone or because the name sounded so country and out of date.  The only other person that I knew as Mawmaw was my 60 year old Aunt.   My grandson had thrown a wrench into the plans.  My siblings had chosen their names, and I wanted that opportunity too.     

Our grandchildren use a variety of names for us.  In my family there’s Poppy, Nana, Granny, and Granddaddy.  As I was discussing the name change with co-workers, I was surprised to find out that many of their grandchildren called them MawMaw.  It was actually a popular name.  Who knew!

As I continued to think about it, it suddenly didn’t matter what he  called me as long as he called my name.  My grandson had changed my life forever.  I looked at the change totally different.  What’s in a name?  I realized that my grandson had a mind of his own, and he was demonstrating his personality, his individuality, and how he felt about me.  I was a Mawmaw, and he believed it was a fit for me.  He didn’t see me as a diva, texter, blogger or wine taster.  I was simply his Mawmaw.  He has made it clear over the course of the years with his cousins, that’s my Mawmaw.  I have happily accepted the nomination.  I’ve held that title for 5 years, and I’m proud to wear it.  I now have a grandson and granddaughter.  I will continue to strive to be the #1 Mawmaw, because that is what is truly important. 

What do your grandchildren call you or your parents?  Leave us a comment, we would love to know.  

Look Who’s 1

Wow, it’s been a long time since I posted.  I took a much needed break to focus on my grandchildren, rest and just figure out where I was headed in my life.  I ended a long term relationship, got tired of being in it by myself.  I did a few home improvements, planned and hosted the grandchildren’s birthday parties, planned and hosted my little Zarriah’s Christening party, planted a garden and harvested and canned my crop, vacationed in St. Croix and the list goes on.  I’m feeling energized and have lots of posts for you so lets get on with it. 

Look who turned 1 August 28.  My little preemie, Zarriah, who weighed 2lbs 10 ozs. when she entered this world is thriving.  Miss Muffin is weighing in at 20 plus pounds as you can see.  She’s not walking yet, but she’s crawling, pulling herself up and taking steps while holding on.  She has become quite a handful.  She’s no longer on formula and we’ve moved to stage 3 foods. The doctor said her eye sight is fine and they don’t foresee any vision problems in the future.  She’s had an ear infection, but other than that she’s a picture of health. 

We decided to celebrate big for her 1st birthday.  We felt so blessed that she had survived and was doing so well, we wanted a big birthday bash for her with family and friends.  Celebrate we did. Stay tuned for pictures and all the happenings with the children and my journey as a 50 plus single mother.   It’s so good to back. 

Beyonce Uses Harness For Blue Ivy

Looks like Blue Ivy is about to loose a slipper.  Aren’t they adorable.  Beyonce takes advantage of the beautiful weather we’re having on the east coast and strolls with her bundle of joy in New York.   Blue Ivy is becoming a big girl.  According to her grandfather, Matthew Knowles, she’s going to be tall.  Granddaddy said,   ‘You just want to love and kiss her, but the great thing with grandkids is that you can give them back.’

I agree with Matthew on that note.  You allow your grandchildren to get away with things th at you wouldn’t let your children get way with.  Extra treats, sweets, late nights with the TV and the list goes on.   Blue Ivy is the second grandchild for Matthew and his ex-wife Tina Knowles who divorced him after 31 years of marriage.  He has a grandson, Daniel “Julez” Smith, by his daughter Solange Knowles.  Thanks to the Daily Mail for the picture of mother and daughter. 

Blue Ivy

Beyonce has finally decided to take her precious daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, out and about.  She is strolling about New York City with Blue Ivy in a leopard print Baby Bjorn wrap.  

The second picture is Beyonce leaving the restaurant where she and Blue Ivy had lunch with daddy, Jay-Z,  at the Italian eatery Ristorante Sant Ambroeus in the West Village.

Jay-Z and Beyonce own a large portion of this Tribeca, lower Manhattan, apartment building including a Penthouse.  It is rumored that they added a 2,200 square foot nursery for Blue Ivy and her nanny.    

Check out Beyonce’s release of other pictures of her and Blue Ivy here.  Be sure to subscribe to Mother 2 Mother on the left so you don’t miss give aways and other great posts.  You can also connect with me on other Social Media sites in the upper right corner. 

I’ll Get You – Daughter Posts Video of Family Law Judge Beating Her

Oh modern technology!  You gotta love it.  This beautiful young lady decided to video her father who is a Family Law judge beating her with a belt and posted it on Youtube.  When I watched it, I was stunned to say the least.  It was hard to believe that anyone in this day and age would be using corporeal punishment on their child, especially a family law judge.  What made it worst was the fact that her mother was in on it. 

This young lady has cerebral palsy, which just makes me cringe.  She was caught downloading music to her computer.  Hello, that’s what teens do.  I disciplined my daughter a hundred times when she was a teen for downloading music and virusus on the computer.  Did I resort to beating her, no. 

During the beating with a leather belt, the judge said that he was going to beat her into submission.  Her mother told her to lay on her stomach and take it like a woman.  How sick is this?  The young lady was 16 years old.  Not only that, we as woman are suppose to allow some man to beat our ass.  I don’t think so. This is what you want to teach your daughter?

This brilliant young lady understood abuse, and knew that her father needed help.  She also understood that abuse gets worst not better.  She hold on to the video for 7 years, and finally decided to post it last week so the public could get a glimpse of who he really was.  Why, because she said her father was now harassing her.  The judge when questioned about beating his daughter, stated that it wasn’t as bad as it looked.  He also said that he had apologized.  The mother apologized to her daughter years ago, and left the marriage.  I wonder whay?

I’m happy to say that Judge William Adams is being investigated.  I can’t image this man making a decision about anyone’s life after seeing the video.  As of yet he hasn’t been removed from the bench, but it has been decided that a visiting judge should hear his cases until the investigation has been completed. 

I applaud this young lady for having the courage to expose her abusive father.  She now regrets posting the video, but believes that he needs help and exposing him was the best way of pushing him into some kind of therapy.  Applause!  Applause!