How do you define motherhood? I read an article on-line that discussed an interview with Kim Cattrall from Sex and the City week that has me baffled and a little annoyed I may add. I thought I would share this post with you, and maybe you will understand why. For some reason Kim Cattrall believes that she is a parent, but she has no children. How does that work?
In her words, “I am not a biological parent, but I am a parent. I have young actors and actresses that I mentor. I have nieces and nephews that I am very close to.” She goes on to say that there are ways to become a mother and you don’t have to have your name on the birth certificate. She also stated that she didn’t change diapers, but she helped her niece get through medical school and she helped her nephew get through a rough time. She considers those motherly things. Hang tight, I’m picking myself up off the floor. I’m wondering if I got the mothering thing all wrong.
When did the duties of a mother change? That’s all you have to do to be considered a mother? I find it insulting that Ms. Cattrall thinks she is a parent because she provided financial support to a niece and had a conversation with her nephew. She sounds more like an irresponsible/absent parent who believes all they have to do is hand over a few dollars occasionally, and spend an hour or two with their child and they’re a great parent. Whoa, lightening just came down. Sorry that was just me having flashbacks to when I was raising my daughter. Handing over money and spending an hour or two was certainly a scenario in my household.
On that same note, when did mentoring make you a parent? I’ve been a mentor for years, but I’ve never concluded that I’m the parent of any of my mentees simply because of my role. I’ve had conversations and provided guidance to my nieces, nephews and other children, but that didn’t make me a parent.
I do believe that it takes a village to raise a child and I do believe that you don’t have to physically give birth or father a child to be a parent, but it requires more than mentoring, money and conversations. What about the following:
- Dedicating your life to another human being forever and being there everyday
- Losing sleep for more years than you can count
- Changing diapers with some of the worst crap in them that you will ever see
- Being responsible for a child’s upbringing and molding them to become a productive human being
- Being a role model everyday
- Loving them unconditionally
- Being responsible for providing shelter, clothing, food, medical care and an education
- Being a nurturing person 7 days a week 24 hours a day
- Comforting your child when they’re afraid
- Being unappreciated and looked at as the dumbest person on earth, at least until they have their own children
- Sacrificing everything you are and everything you have if that’s the way it has to be
- Giving your life for your child because that’s how deeply you love them
I can appreciate Kim Cattrall helping family members and mentoring those who wish to become actors and actresses, but what about mentoring and molding a person to be who they are in this life. What about teaching them respect, kindness and to care for others. What about family values, community and spirituality? I haven’t seen a dollar sign posted on any of the above. These things are taught by example and putting in countless hours of your time. Many times thankless and unappreciated, but nevertheless taught.
As far as I’m concerned, Kim Cattrall doesn’t belong in the same category with women who performed the above duties and more 7 days a week when they were tired, hungry, broke, sick, lonely, scared and at times hopeless only to get up the next morning and do it over again. Motherhood isn’t an occasional duty, it requires commitment, endurance, and perseverance every day. When you’ve walked a mile in these shoes only than have you earned the title of mother; otherwise, you are a contributor.