How To Deal With Toxic People

self-confidence, how to deal with toxic people, toxic relationships

For the past few months, I’ve felt a little down.  I’ve felt heavy, fatigued and at times ready to just throw my hands up in dismay.  Why, a toxic relationship. I have learned over the course of the years to pay attention to my body and how I’m feeling. Once I get in touch with how I’m feeling, I step away and assess why.    

I ask myself, what’s new in my life?  How do I feel after an encounter with a family member or friend? Is there something going on at work that’s bothering me?  I ask these questions so I can pinpoint what’s happening. At times I feel this way because of a stressful situation at work, but the majority of time it’s a toxic person who’s spawning poison my way.  Toxic people will affect your health and pull you down.

Over the years, I have learned that I stayed in relationships or friendships way too long.  I never liked giving up on people or things without giving 100% of myself, but I’ve learned that the other party must be willing to give 100% of themselves too. If not the relationship is one sided and I must walk away. Walking away has gotten easier for me, no relationship is worth me suffering or not getting my needs meet.

I come from a toxic family.  My mother is as toxic as you can get. So, I am quite familiar with toxic people. Toxic people usually come from a dysfunctional background.  They’re usually harboring deep envy, anger or jealousy.  If they don’t get their emotions in check, they manifest in a harmful way.     

Here are 5 toxic behaviors that I look for:  

Dishonesty – People who hid the truth or don’t tell the truth.  In my opinion, one is as bad as the other. When you’re not honest about who you are, what you’re doing or what’s happening in your life you’re depriving the other people of the ability to make judgments that are beneficial to them.

Ignoring You – When a person doesn’t return your calls, respond to your text messages or make time for you it can affect your self-esteem.  My motto is if I’m not a priority, you wont’ be one either.  Nobody is so busy that they can’t find the time to respond in some way.

Blaming Other People -Toxic people always blame others for their issues and problem.  They create drama, but try to turn things around and they become the victim.

Sabotage They underhandedly and sometimes overtly try to sabotage your happiness and goals. Deep down they really don’t want you to succeed and always find something wrong with what you’re trying to achieve.

Toxic people will pull you down – They can and will eventually affect your health and your emotional well being. Their behavior causes drama and/or conflict and whatever the situation is the outcome will be negative.

I have learned to run in the opposite direction from toxic people or limit their presence in my life. I see absolutely no benefit to having them around. They’re like quick sand, they pull you down little by little and eventually you find yourself up to your neck in crap.  Who needs it. Learn to recognize and deal with toxic people before they grab hold of you and pull you down.

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Comments

  1. Great post. And very true. My toxic person is my ex – husband. Unfortunately since we have children together I have to interact with him. It's when I let my guard and wall down that his toxic waste gets through my border.

    • Petula I can relate to the toxic relationship with the ex.  We finally learned to tolerate each other because of my daughter. Reaching that level took a lot of stress off of me and her. Just remember to protect yourself and walk away before we can penetrate! 

  2. You've made a very good check list and you are right, it is hard to walk away. I've done it a few times and had no regrets — but it wasn't easy! I need good, happy, positive people in my life!

    • I've had to take my health into consideration, so walking away from toxic people has gotten easier for me.  I had to learn when to throw up my hands before it took its toll on me. Positive people are a must in my life now.  It makes life so much easier.

  3. These were excellent.  I think I have been a victim in each scenario — mostly because I always want to root for the underdog and lift them up — but some people want to live in their misery and that is when you need to pull away!

    • Hi Carol.  Rooting for the underdog is good if the person is working to better themselves.  Otherwise, they drain your energy.  Take care of yourself and thanks for stopping by.

  4. I hear ya! Now if only I could hey hubby to see what a toxic family he has.

    • Hi Stephanie.  It's really hard to face the truth about your family no matter how dysfunctional they are.  Guard yourself until he comes around.  Thanks for stopping by.