divorce Archives - Mother 2 Mother Blog

Cheaters Never Win

February 5, 2012 by Rhonda Gales

How would you feel if you husband fathered a child outside of your marriage/relationship with one of his close friends and business partner? Oh, lets forget close friend with anyone for that matter. Would the fact that the close friend and business partner was at the hospital sharing in your joy with you and your husband plunge the knife in a littler deeper? Would the fact that the close friend and business partner rode home in the limo with you and your husband after the delivery drive the knife in deeper. Would the fact that the close friend and business partner attended the ballets and school graduations send you over th edge.

A similar story has taken place in Connecticut. Eric Fischer said he saw the red flags when his youngest daughter was born, but for 15 years he loved her and raised her like she was his own. As time went he, he couldn’t ignore the fact that she looked nothing like his oldest daughter. Finally, he decided on a DNA test. As he already knew deep in his heart she was not his, but in fact the close friend and business partner of his wife’s.

When I first read the story, I thought how sad is that. Another case of baby’s daddy. How do you betray another person in that manner? How do you explain to the child that I’m not your father, mommy’s friend is. These are not people who were in a relationship, but a married couple. How do you sleep beside someone for 15 years, knowing what you’ve done? People like this scare me. This is a person who has no conscious. People who have no conscious are capable of anything. Of course the couple divorced. How could a marriage survive after that kind of betrayal.

Let me tell you Eric Fischer didn’t take it lightly. Oh no he didn’t. He decided to sue baby’s daddy for every dime that he spent on the child for the 15 years that he raised her as his own. The court decided that $195,000 would suffice for the reimbursement. Eric Fischer was initially turned down by a lower court for the judgement. The court stated that he “had held himself out to be the younger daughter’s father, that he had caused her to rely on him to meet her financial and emotional needs, and that revealing her true parentage after she had been led to believe for her whole life that [Fisher] was her father, would be detrimental to her emotional well-being.” I wonder about our legal system at times. What true man would want to believe that a child his wife just gave birth to wasn’t his. He didn’t give up the fight and took it to the Supreme Court. They overturned the lower court’s decision and is now allowing Mr. Fischer to return to the lower court with a new judge to fight for the $195,000.

Will money compensate for the betrayal of his wife and her lover? We know the answer to that is no; however, it may set a precedent to others who believe that it’s okay to play with a person’s heart and head. Will this betrayal have a negative effect on the little girl? I’m sure it will. I’m hoping that the court will give his ex-wife this award:

Let her explain the betrayal and the true meaning of marriage to her daughter. I know there are many couples who have children they are raising that don’t biologically belong to one or the other. These decisions are made freely and lovingly. I think Mr. Fischer has a right to know the truth, and he also had the right to decide that he would not raise a child that was not his. I hope that he can find peace and the daughter can recover from the infidelity as well. Leave me a comment, I would love to know your thoughts on this story.

Filed Under: betrayal, cheaters, divorce, husbands who cheat, infidelity, Uncategorized Tagged With: Life-Thoughts, wives who cheat

Are We Giving Up On Marriage Too Soon?

January 24, 2012 by Rhonda Gales

Are we giving up on marriage too soon? It seems to be quite a few break-ups in Hollywood recently, or maybe I’m just noticing. Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony, Kobe and Vanessa Bryant, Seal and Heidi Klum, Kenny G and his wife Lyndie. It seems so easy to just walk away these days. Now I’m not judging anybody, I’m divorced. I left an unhealthy relationship, and I believe these types of marriages should end. They’re not good for anyone involved including the children. I’m grateful that I had the courage to leave, and I’m even more grateful that I had the courage to survive it and better my life. So, I’m not standing in judgment of anybody. I’m just wondering why people walk away from a marriage if it is basically healthy, it just requires a few adjustments. Couples are suppose to grow together, but it seems more and more are growing apart.

I’m wondering if it’s because people are not willing to compromise in their marriages, if there’s another person involved or they’ve just fallen out of love. It seems that people believe that it is easier to replace their partners, and they do. Do people still include the words for better or worst, for richer or poorer and in sickness and in health in their vows or is it until I get sick of you and than I’m history? It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a wedding.

Is it unfair to mislead your partner, and have them believe that you love them when you really don’t? I would be devastated. I would rather part than sleep with someone whose heart is with another or simply not with me.

I’m sure there is stress and strain in celebrity marriages. Us regular folks have stress and strain why can’t they feel the same. I’m sure when one partner is traveling and the other is left to run the house and management the children that produces a tremendous amount of stress. Oh that’s right, they have tons of money, nannies, chefs and domestic help don’t they. On the other hand, those things don’t have anything to do with loving another person do they. What happened to perseverance and persistence? What happened to going the extra mile for your family? It seems that it has all fallen by the wayside. Has women’s liberation made it easier for us to walk away from marriage? I was driving back from a visit with my daughter, who has a healthy and loving marriage in spite of my divorce, and I was listening to a CD of old songs. Natalie Cole’s I’m Catching Hell came on. She spoke of the difficulty of living alone after her man left. She said it was the little things that she missed, him fixing things around the house, carrying the groceries, and paying the bills. You know the things we take for granted. Not once in that song did she say she missed anything about who he was as a person or how he treated her.

Has the fact that women make as much if not more than their husbands had a negative effect on marriage? I look back at women my mother’s age, and there were very few divorces. They stayed and worked through their problems. Most women who stayed in their marriages didn’t work outside the home. They relied on their husbands to pay the bills and take care of the finances in the home. Does a woman making more money than her husband cause him to have a bruised ego? So many questions and so few answers. Women today make their own money and celebrate divorce with a Divorce Cake. It’s not big deal.

How do we get back to the true meaning of a marriage? What do we as women need to do to stay in our marriages and ride out the storms? What is it that men need to do? I would love to hear from women who have left their marriages and those who have stayed. You may hold the key to a successful marriage or may have some advice for those of us who are struggling in our marriages and love life. Leave us a comment.

Filed Under: celebrity divorce, divorce, Divorce Cakes, Uncategorized Tagged With: Life-Thoughts

Mother Beat By Her Children

February 6, 2010 by Rhonda Gales

I’m a little behind with my posting and this story is several weeks old, but I had to share it with my readers. Last week I read a story that just made me shudder. I found it unimaginable. A son, 15, and daughter, 12, were accused of beating their mother at the request of their father. According to the story, the parents were engaged in a bitter custody battle and the mother was seeking $20,000 in back child support. The father encouraged his children to kill their mother with a baseball bat. To add even more disbelief to the story, the father joined them. Yep, the sick SOB entered the home and beat her with their children.

The mother testified that she woke up to her children beating her. The son, who lived with his father, broke into her home and begin beating her with a bat while she slept. Shortly thereafter the father entered the home and joined the two children in the beating. She managed to escape into a bathroom and called 911, but only to have her ex-husband knock down the door while she was on the phone and drag her out into the hallway where he and the son continued to beat her. According to the dispatcher and testimony, you could hear the ex-husband yelling in the background on the 911 tape for his son to “hit her harder”. Thank goodness she was able to escape again. This time she ran out of the house and down the street with her son following her with the baseball bat. This was the scene that police witnessed when they arrived. With God’s grace, she lived to tell the story and witness her ex-husband be sentenced to 25 years in prison. As far as I’m concerned, 25 years isn’t enough.

I thought about my daughter and if she could possibly be capable of trying to kill me. I’m sure she thought about it during her teen years when she accused me of ruining her life, but I don’t believe she could have followed through with literally making the attempt. I certainly can’t imagine her father encouraging her to kill me in spite of the bitterness that occurred at times during our divorce. What mother could believe that her child was capable of killing her? What could possibly transpire between two parents that one could encourage their children to kill the other. How do you become so filled with hatred that you participate in such a heinous act? Child support payments and custody? Please, there has to be much deeper issues than that.

The son was sentenced to 3 years in a state youth center, and the daughter was given immunity for testifying against her father. I thought about the mother and how she could ever forgive her son for trying to kill her. I know that he was under the influence of his father, but at age 15 he was old enough to know better too. How could she ever trust her son again. I also thought about the son and how he would be affected for the rest of life. He beat his mother at the encouragement of his father. How sick is this?

I pray for this family, and hope they find the courage and strength to heal. Would love to hear you comments on this story.

Filed Under: abusive children, custody disputes, divorce, domestic violence, family violence, Uncategorized Tagged With: parent abuse, parenting tips, Parenting-Kids

I Want My Kidney Back, Tramp

January 8, 2009 by Rhonda Gales

Yes, you read the title right. There’s a nasty divorce going on, and one party wants their kidney back. Lets look at the players in this saga, Dr. Richard Batista and his wife Dawnelle, a nurse. The plot, Richard Batista wants the kidney back that he donated to his soon to be ex-wife. The soon to be ex-wife will most likely die if she doesn’t keep the kidney. If she doesn’t give the kidney back, Dr. Batista wants her to cough up (no pun intended) $1.5 million as a part of the divorce settlement.

In June 2001, Dr. Batista donated a kidney to his wife after two other transplants failed. Dr. Batista claims that he donated his kidney to save his wife’s life and to turn their marriage around. The marriage had been suffering as a result of his wife’s medical problems. The kidney transplant was successful; however, it failed to hold the marriage together as Dr. Batista had hoped. In 2005, Dawnell Batista, filed for divorce.

Dr. Batista states that it was a wonderful experience donating his kidney and he would do it again. He only regrets the marriage. Do I sense a lack of sincerity here? If he was sincere, why is he is asking for the kidney back? His wife obviously needed the organ to sustain her life or she wouldn’t have needed the transplant. A surgeon certainly understands this. He also knows that if his ex-wife gives the kidney back, she either goes on dialysis or dies waiting for another donor and another possible transplant failure. Did I mention, the recipient is the mother of his three daughters ages, 8, 11, and 14.

Why is this bitter divorce happening after such a loving and courageous act? Dawnelle Batista had an affair. That’s right after everything her husband did, she betrayed him. According to Dr. Batista, she became so healthy after the kidney transplant she started taking karate lessons. She became good enough to earn a black belt. She injured herself, and starting taking physical therapy. She also starting sleeping with the physical therapist. Tramp!

Dr. Batiste’s ego won’t allow him to get over the fact that his wife had an affair and moved on. He’s a surgeon, lives in a million dollar home, he’s a devoted father, and was a faithful husband. Dr. Batiste said the pain that his wife put him through was unbearable. Now I don’t condone anyone stepping outside of their marriage and I’m sure the good doctor’s pain is real, but must she pay for her indiscretion with her life? According to Dr. Bastiste, she’s going to pay one way or another. Either she gives the kidney back or she pays him $1.5 million dollars for the kidney. Is he enraged or what?

I’ve tried to imagine the conversation with his three daughters. Sit down girls, daddy wants to talk to you. Your mother had an affair, and now daddy wants his kidney back. Now that tramp, your mother, may die as a result, but let the chips fall where they may. I only donated the kidney so we could keep the marriage together. Now that it has fallen apart, I want her to pay with her life. Whoa!

Now lets step way out there and discuss what’s he going to do with the kidney if she does give it back. Place it on a mantle like a trophy and gloat that he won. She’ll regret divorcing me when she’s on her death bed. Look kids, see what daddy retrieved from your worthless mother. His reason for taking this sick fight public, he’s tired of trying to negotiate with her and there have been times that she’s kept the children from him. I wonder why?
The good news is that experts believe that Dr. Batista has a very slim chance of getting his kidney back, and he’s just making a fool out of himself. On another note, I believe that Dr. Batista donating a kidney to his wife is an admiral act. I don’t know what went through his mind when he made his decision, but I’m sure he thought that his wife would truly have a part of him forever. I have to wonder if he told his wife his reasons for donating the kidney, to sustain her life and to turn their marriage around. If he did, his reasons obviously didn’t mean much to her.
I’ve seen Dr. Batista on the news, a very educated and handsome man who can surely find someone who can and will appreciate him with his one kidney now. My advice Dr. Batista, let her have the other kidney and move on with your life. She still has your children to raise regardless of her character. Also, I would suggest that you move on because she is now considered a deadly weapon is capable of kicking your ass.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this bitter divorce and the Dr.’s demand for the return of his kidney .