You Are Not The Father

You are not the father!  You are not the father! I lost count of the number of times that I heard this statement while watching daytime TV today.  I know that it was more times than I heard You are the father.  I know I should have been spending my time more productively, but I just didn’t feel like it.  Do you ever have those days that you just want to do nothing?  I’ve been having quite a few lately.  

I digressed back to the show.  One lady had been on the show 14 times for a DNA test, 14 times.  Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend to be all innocent.  I’m not, and I have problems with people who can’t be real and be truthful about who they.  I’ve had a good time throughout the years, but I do wonder how a woman would not know who her baby’s daddy is.    

I watched these young ladies state they are 150% sure they know who the father is, but the DNA test proved otherwise.  Not only were they told the young man who stood accused was not the father, they endured being called out of their name by the young men.  There were young ladies who slept with brothers, fathers and sons, and some who didn’t know who they slept with because they were in a drunken stupor.  Now the party is over, and reality is hitting them hard.  Rather this show is real or not, incidents like this occur everyday.  

I decided to switch channels and found myself in a court room watching a judge determine if the men standing before them were the fathers of children being displayed on a screen.  There were more DNA tests, but there were slight differences from the other show.  Some of the people in the court room were married couples and the wife strayed.  There were men and women some who had hooked up years ago, but never married and the child was now seeking the truth about paternity.  

Between the two shows, I started thinking about all that these young ladies would have to endure as a single mother and all that they would endure through their parenting journey.  I started thinking about the young people who had gone through a part of their life not knowing the truth about who their father really was because of their mother’s poor judgement.  I also started thinking about how important DNA tests had become in today’s society to determine paternity. Have we made a wrong turn in society to the point that we need a test to determine who our children’s fathers are? 

Are we not teaching our children about birth control or waiting until they are married?  I understand women have found a new awakening, and they don’t have a problem getting their freak on. This includes young ladies who aren’t really responsible enough to take on such a huge responsibility.  I can relate to being a single parent and all the struggles as a young mother.  For this reason, I stressed the importance of protecting herself and not becoming a single parent to my daughter.  As mothers, we want support emotionally, financially, and physically, but if a man is not your husband they can’t be depended on to help provide those things for us.   

One thing that I noticed was although the young ladies had sex with these young men, nobody was calling the young men out of their names.  Some things never change, it’s the women who are looked down on.  I also understand why young men want DNA tests, it seems that young ladies give themselves so freely and they do so without thinking of the repercussions.  There’s enough blame to go around.  As a parent, I didn’t preach absenteeism to my daughter.  The chances of your child remaining a virgin until marriage are slim to none.  If you’re successful in achieving that goal, my hat is off to you.  I did preach about the struggle of being a single parent and the importance of protecting herself from disease and an unplanned pregnancy.  I stressed the importance of educating herself, traveling and achieving her goals before she took on the responsibility of parenting.  Having these conversations with you child is so important.  You can’t just have them in passing, it must be a constant so it can take hold in your child’s mind.  

Are you discussing sex with your child?  How are you approaching it or how do you plan to approach it?    

Note:  Photo courtesy of  




  1. @C.K. Matthews – This is the point that we need to drive home to our daughters.  It falls into the education category, and how we're looked at by society.  Like it or not, it's real. 

  2. @Crystal Green – I appreciate your honesty about your sex life. The important thing is that we learn and grow up from our experiences and we turn the negative into positives. I love that you're now talking to your children and other family members as well.  It's important that we education them as parents and now leaders in our families and communities. 

    Married sex is different, it's how sex is meant to be.  I'll be stopping by to read a few of your posts.  Lets connect on social media and on our blogs. 

  3. You brought up a good point on how the men are never blamed.  These double standards have been in place since the beginning of time and especially since the days of the Old Testament.  I have to do some digging but there is a chapter in Proverbs I think that turned me totally off of the Bible many years ago because the women were blamed for man's lack of self control.

    They are just being men, like they have no other choice.  Sucks to be a man that doesn't have choices!

  4. It is really disheartening to see shows where they are struggling to find out who the father is, and the sad fact is it's on almost every network and many different forms (like you pointed out.) To be honest, it's amazing that I wasn't one of those young ladies trying desperately to find out who the father of my kids are because I literally went through a spell in my life where sex was just sex and I did it as often as possible and with a wide range of guys. Yes, I was called those nasty names more than once, but it didn't phase me.

    I have since grown up a lot in my mentality and view sex totally differently. So, I make darn certain I talk to my kids and niece and nephews openly.They ask questions freely, and I hope and pray that they do wait until marriage to have sex because the wait is really well worth it. Married sex is totally different and more powerful than just getting "your freak" on. I've written about this topic a lot on my blog through the years because it's very near and dear to my heart.