Do You Get Lonely As A Single Parent

The single parenting

 

Who said being a single parent would be difficult?  Being a single parent can lead to feeling lonely and unloved?  During my journey as a single mother, we rarely talk about our struggles with our baby’s daddy and ex-husbands while raising our children.  Single mother need to be love and we need to give each other support and advice. Talk about your needs eliminates shame and guilt. We also don’t talk about the sacrifices we make to do our job as single mothers. We don’t want anyone to know that part of us.  

It’s time for us to let the cat out the bag.  None of us had a immaculate conception.  At some point we had sex that’s how we became mothers, right. Hell some of us had great sex! No matter how strong we become as single mothers, deep down we still want to have someone wrap their arms around us, tell us that we’re beautiful, that we’re loved and that they want to make passion love to us.  It’s a healthy reaction.      

As single mothers, we exert a huge amount of energy into raising our children.  Most of the responsibility of raising our children falls onto our shoulders. Because it takes so much energy, we place ourselves on the back burner.  We bury our need to be loved because loving our children becomes the priority, but at some point they come roaring to the surface. Maybe on a Saturday night, seeing a couple holding hands walking down the street or spotting a delicious piece of eye candy in the next lane while driving home from the office.  You ask yourself if you will ever find love again.  You think about buying something sexy and wearing it while your favorite aroma scented candle is burning and your favorite wine is waiting to be sipped.  I know you do, I’ve been there.  

We as single mothers need to admit that we have these feelings.  I’m encouraging all of you to say, I feel lonely at times.  Admit that you want someone to love. If you’re alone while reading this post, scream it!  Now I can’t guarantee that a handsome man will appear when you finish, but at least you’re acknowledging those deep down feelings. You’re freeing yourself from the guilt of wanting to be with someone and the pain of not being able to achieve it because of your situation.  Free yourself ladies!  Cry if you want to, we all need our soul cleansed at some point. 

As my daughter got older the loneliness didn’t go away.  I worried about dating and having a strange man around her.  The thought of someone molesting her that I was dating or another failed relationship haunted me. I had made mental notes of women who had placed a man before her children or trusted them around her children and the man ended up abusing them.  Being a single mother is hard enough, I simply couldn’t add that burden to my list of life’s troubles. I realized that I treasured her more than I wanted a relationship.

Here’s a few tips on how to alleviate loneliness:

1.  Accept that you deserve to have a little fun and need adult interaction.  Open yourself up to dating and or making new friends. 
2.  Take a few college courses to better yourself.  Attending class and doing homework will keep you busy to a point where you don’t have to focus on being lonely. I also met great people in my classes and would meet them for a drink or burger after class.    
3.  Reconnect with old friends, male and female.  They may be receptive to spending time with you and your children.    
4.  Compile a list of books that you want to read.  This can include self-improvement, romance, true crimes and anything else that catches your eye.
5.  Learn to cross-stitch, crochet, or scrapbook. (Sure wish I had taken that sewing class).  
6.  Treat yourself on Saturday nights that you don’t have a date.  Burn a candles, put on some soothing music and soak in a hot tub.  
7.  Check out on-line groups who can relate to your situation.  They are great source of inspiration, a great way to make friends and social networking for business endeavors.  

Last, know that you are not alone and you will eventually find love again.  Good things come to things who wait.




10 Tips for Single Parents

parenting tips, single parenting
Raising children as a single parent, whether you’re a mother or father, can be exhausting.  It takes focus, strength and determination to succeed, but it can be done.  If we accept that each and every one of us are where we are because of decisions that we’ve made, we will be more willing to make better decisions.  Life doesn’t have an eraser, and as long as we continue to make bad choices we will come up short. Life is not perfect, we will all fail from time to time.  Don’t let poor decision making n’t be what’s driving you if you change your attitude and perspective.  

When you decide to change courses, drive will be what takes you from Point A to Point B and beyond.  If you don’t have any drive get some.  You must be willing to dig deep inside of yourself when you feel you can’t go on and you must be willing to make sacrifices.  Life isn’t easy, and the world doesn’t owe you anything because of you’re a single parent.     

I have educated myself, went up the Corporate Ladder, purchased a home, have a savings, take several vacations a year, college educated my daughter, and I’ve done it all as a single mother. This is not a boast, it is a fact.  You have to decide how you want to live and want kind of life style you want to offer your child.  I decided that I would not have others pay for my choices and whoa me would not become a part of my mind set or vocabulary. I wanted to set a great example for my daughter.  I wanted her to have every opportunity available to her in this great country, and I didn’t ever want the words “I didn’t have an opportunity because my mom is a single parent” to come out of her mouth.       

Most importantly, I was determined to not allow my judgement in a relationship to define who I was as a person or as a mother.  I refused to allow myself to fall into the stereotypes that society has set aside for single mothers. Have you noticed that single dads are praised for their endeavors, but women are looked at differently?  Unfair maybe, but it is indeed a fact. I refused to depend on the system to take care of me or my child.  I have no regrets about my decision!  I believe the system should be a stepping stone if it’s going to be used.  Many may disagree, but that is my belief and I’m sticking to it.  

Here  my tips to help you succeed as a single parent: 

  • Start with you.  Decide that you’re going to make it and nothing will stop you. You have to be focused and determined. 
  • When the going gets tough, dig deep within and find the strength.  Know the strength is there and your child or children need you to plow on. 
  • Listen to your intuition.  It is usually right.  I’ve lost count of the number of times I looked the other way when I should have been paying attention to that little voice inside.  
  • Decide that you’re going to be a good example for your children.  –  Become the person that you would like them to be.  (Think about the characteristics that are important to you, honesty, reliable, etc.)  
  • Remember the world doesn’t owe you anything. – You need to make your mark and become self sufficient. You’ll feel much better about yourself.  
  • Come up with a plan –  You must plan in order to be successful.  Decide what you want to do and what you need to do to accomplish your goals.      
  • Find support either on-line or in your community.   – You’re not alone.   
  • Always make your children a priority.   – You can balance a job and your home.  Women do it every day.  If you need to enhance your skills before seeking a job, get in a program where you can get assistance.  Finding balance is key.  
  • Don’t neglect yourself.  – You need to feel good about yourself.  When you feel good about yourself you’ll achieve more.  
  • Find a higher power or church. – It’s important that you believe in someone or something other than you.  You will be calling on them for strength and support along your journey.     
Please share some of your struggles and how you’ve overcome them as a single mother.  There may be someone who can relate and build on your tips.  

 

When Mom’s the Bread Winner

single mothers, single parenting, money management

Are you the bread winner in your family and feeling guilty because you’re not a stay at home mom?  If you’re a single mother, your chances of being a stay at home mom are slim unless you hit the jackpot with child support payments.  I felt guilty leaving my daughter when I headed to work., but someone had to bring income into the home so bills can be paid.   

Unfortunately, being a single mother is not easy. However, you must get over your guilt if you’re feeling any.  I missed my daughter’s first step and her first time being successful using the potty because I was working. I finally had to make peace with my situation and accept the fact that I had to provide for us.  After all,  the child support I was receiving barely paid for her child care let alone pay the other bills.  

I wondered how me working outside the home would affect her. I wondered if she would grow up thinking that moms who stayed at home or who had husbands who provided was abnormal.  I wondered if not having her dad in the home as a role model would affect her.  So many things went through my mind.  When I growing up my mother took care of the home while my father worked. You know the traditional woman versus man duties.  Mom cooks, cleans, does laundry and dad works, mows the lawn, fixes the pipes.    

I soon realized that times had changed.  The work force was full of women who had husbands and children, and still managed to run their homes.  The work force was also full of divorced or single mothers who also ran their homes, had children in school who were doing well and some had gone on to become lawyers, doctors and whatever else they choose.  I realized that the household that I grew up in was no longer the norm in society.  Women had moved up and on.  They had become multitasking moms and no longer fell into that traditional stay at home role.  

I also decided that I would never be my mother!  I love her for everything she did when I was growing up, I learned a lot.  She thought my sister and I going into the work force and becoming non-traditional mothers was strange.  Now she sees that it’s the new normal.  

As my daughter got older, we had several discussions about her father and me having to work to provide. She soon realized that she too was better off without him in her life, and stands by her decision to this day. He’s now on the outside looking in, and wishing he had a relationship with her and his grandchildren.  She understood that I wasn’t the only single mother in the world.  She had friends who had single mothers too. I continued to provide and she continued to excel because she had all the love and the necessities that she needed without a father in the home.  Here are a few lessons that she learned:

  • A mother’s love is the strongest love on this earth
  • She had a strong mother who taught her to be a strong woman and mother
  • Welfare and other public assistance is not an option when you’re able to work
  • Always work to better yourself and don’t blame others for you decisions
  • We don’t live in a perfect world
  • Break circles when you need to  
  • There are children who have fathers in the home who are drunks, drug addicts or who just don’t contribute and live off their wife or girlfriend

If you’re the bread winner and sole provider for your child or children, you’re doing your job as a mother.  You will find that it gives you a sense of purpose, and they will respect you for everything you’ve done for them.  Single mothers raised these leaders and celebrities:    

  • Judge Greg Mathis
  • President Obama
  • President Clinton
  • Mary J Blige
  • Pierce Brosnan
  • Tom Cruise
  • Al Pacino
  • Barbara Streisand
  • Mariah Carey 
  • Halle Berry
Our children may not grow up to be presidents and celebrities, but we don’t have to feel guilty as single mothers and neither do our children.  Stand proud, stay strong and earn that bread!  
 

Plus Size Barbie


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Plus-size... or obese? A mocked-up image of a plus-size Barbie beside a traditional Barbie by Worth100 has sparked a debate about the doll's impact on female body image
Would you buy a plus size Barbie doll for your daughter?  Apparently the idea is being looked at; however, the plus size Barbie shown is drawing controversy.  Facebook group, Plus Size Modeling, generated the question “Should toy companies start making plus-sized dolls?  They have gotten 36,000 likes and 1,600 shares on the idea. 

Personally, I think it’s a great idea.  Most women are not pencil thin.  Most have curves and are proud of them.  The plus-size Barbie shown was produced by artists at Worth1000.com, not Mattel.  Mattel has not stated, to my knowledge, that they are entertaining the idea of a plus-size Barbie.   


This plus size Barbie has come under fire by many.  Many believe the image created is not how plus size women should be portrayed.  In fact, many think the Barbie shown is obese not plus size.  There is a difference.  Not all plus-size women are obese.  Did you notice that the plus-size Barbie has a triple chin and is basically three times the size of the original Barbie.    

When I first saw the doll, my response was WTH.  I am a plus size.  Yep, size 12/14W and I am comfortable in the skin that I’m in.  My goal is to be healthy and if I can accomplish that at a size 12/14, than I’m happy. I don’t have 3 chins and I’m not three times the size of a pencil thin woman.   Most of the women in my family are plus size.  My daughter however is petite.  Imagine that.

I believe in diversity and want to expose my granddaughter to a variety of doll images.  I purchase Black, Hispanic and Caucasian dolls for her.  After all, the world is made up of many people from many backgrounds in a variety of hues.  I want her to see the world for what it is and know that it’s okay to not be pencil thin.  I want her to know that women of color are beautiful, intelligent and successful.  I want her to know that not everyone looks alike, has the same shape or is the same size.  That’s the beauty of the human race.  I don’t know what genetics have in store for her, so I want her to have this knowledge at an early age. 

If a plus size Barbie is to be marketed, plus size women should be on the team while she is being developed.  I wonder who was behind the development of this doll at Worth1000.com, but more importantly who approved the final plan.  They obviously need to return to the drawing the board and take some time to learn about healthy full figure women.