Why Am I Thankful For the Stumbles In My Life

Being Thankful

 

Thanksgiving is upon us.  This time of year I slow down and take inventory of everything that I’m thankful for and why I’m thankful.  I strive to give thanks throughout the year, but I know that I don’t sing praises as often as I should.  When I started to write my list this week, I found that I was thankful for my stumbles.

Most people would find stumbles a strange thing to be thankful for.  The definition of stumble is to trip or momentarily lose one’s balance; to almost fall.  There have been times when I’ve stumbled and was able to catch myself or regain my balance.  Other times, I hit the dirt, floor or whatever was beneath me.

So, why am I thankful for the stumbles in my life. Because the stumbles have contributed to who I am and where I am today.  Stumbling is a part of the journey in this thing called life.  Those stumbles and failures caused me to have to get back up, brush myself off and try again.  You can’t reach the finish line of life without stumbling along the way.  When I look back on my stumbles,  I think about my attempt to walk in high heels.  When I first started wearing them, I had to practice walking in them.   I practiced, and eventually I became a master.  As a matter of fact, I can still wear them.  They may not be 4 – 5 inches at this point in my life, but I can still rock 2 – 3 inch heels.

I can also relate my stumbles to learning how to walk. I don’t remember learning to walk, but I do remember my daughter. When she was first learning how to walk, she stumbled a lot.  However, she reached a point where she figured out how to pull herself up and made another attempt at walking.  She saw the goal, and she was determined to reach it.  Sometimes the goal was a doll, a treat or me reaching out to her.  She saw walking as a means to get from Point A to Point B.

As a result, she learned to hold on to the tables, chairs or sofa.  Whatever she could grab to steady herself when she needed to, she took advantage of.  If there was nothing available, she learned to stop in her tracks so she could steady herself before she proceeded.  Eventually, she was able to reach her goals without losing her balance.

The same technique applies to life’s journey.  Another reason I am thankful for my stumbles is because our walk through life requires us to stumble so we can grow.  We become stronger in our purpose and learn along the way.  It requires us to assess our goal, steady ourselves when we become unbalanced, or pick ourselves up when we hit the ground.  Why am I thankful  for my stumbles?  Because they have helped me learn the following:

Endurance – Staying the course until I reached the goal.

Strength – I am thankful for never giving up, even when I thought I couldn’t go on.  My stumbles strengthen me and have made me a stronger person.

Compassion –  Being able to relate to other’s struggles and misfortunes because I have stumbled, has taught me compassion.

Empathy – Over the years I have learning to understand and relate to the feelings of others.  When you stumble, there are tons of emotions that go along with the struggle.  I learned that I wasn’t the only person who has stumbled or who is stumbling.  As a result, you learn to listen and empathize with others.

Determination – Adopting an attitude of never giving up.  Determination is needed to live, love and learn.

Knowledge – Learning from the stumble.  Why, how I regained my balance, and how I reached my goal in spite of the stumble(s).

Appreciation – You learn to appreciate everything you have because of the stumbles and struggles.  You learn to embrace them all, because they are a part of your story.

So, why am I thankful for my stumbles?  Many of us are embarrassed or ashamed of what we have gone through in life.  Because I am thankful for my stumbles, I no longer feel ashamed.  I encourage you to also embrace your stumbles and struggles.  They are a part of your story.

why I am thankful

Ask yourself, why am I thankful for my stumbles?  Make a list of them and be sure to give thinks for your journey.  You can download the worksheet here.  You may also like:  6 Tips to Boost Your Self-Esteem.

Transitional Pieces From Summer To Fall For Every Woman

 

fashion tips for women

 

 

 

As you already know, the early days of autumn are pretty unpredictable when it comes to weather forecast.  It’s impossible to always know how to dress properly. As a result,  you should have a collection of transitional pieces from summer to fall that you can layer easily.  If it gets too hot you can remove an item;  if it get too cold you can add an item.

If you’re not quite sure how to achieve that, stay with us. Here are six transitional pieces every woman needs in her wardrobe.

Long sleeve dress

No, you don’t have to say goodbye to your favorite summer dresses as soon as autumn arrives.  You can still wear them when the temperatures drop.  Simply add a jacket or cardigan.  Needless to say, you won’t freeze thanks to those long sleeves!  Additionally, a long sleeved dress should be a staple in your in your wardrobe for the season.  These looks are sophisticated and very trendy at the same time.

Trench coat

If you still don’t own a trench coat, it’s high time you got one! This piece is truly timeless because of its versatility in the first place. You can wear it both in casual and formal occasions.  I recommend one with a removable liner for colder days and nights.  When you remove the liner it will be lightweight, but still provide warmth and coziness.  It’s perfect for the transitional period!

Cardigan

A stylish cardigan in an autumn-friendly shade will certainly keep you warm.  It will complement your outfit and take it to a new level. Colors such as Terracotta, Marsala, Olive, and Emerald Green may be just perfect for this season.  So have them in mind while choosing a perfect cardigan. Match it with a striped shirt, add a piece of statement jewelry, and voila – your transitional outfit is all done!

Trendy sunglasses

A good pair of high-quality sunglasses are needed during the fall months too.  The sun’s rays are still strong.  Apart from protecting your eyes, sunglasses are extremely fashionable. That makes them must-haves for a transitional period. When choosing a perfect pair, make sure that it perfectly fits the shape of your face.

Numerous brands and fashion houses are coming up with different shapes and sizes.  If you’re not quite sure which ones to purchase, you can always choose classic Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses. This model looks stunning on almost every face shape, while captivating with its Italian elegance at the same time.

Silk scarf

Autumn inevitably brings lower temperatures, which is exactly why a stylish silk scarf is an absolute must when it comes to your perfect outfit. It is a perfect choice since a heavy woolen scarf would definitely be too much – it may be too warm, which can possibly cause you to sweat a lot. For this reason, a nice silk scarf will do the trick. Just choose one in your favorite autumnal shade, or with a trendy print, and you’ll be good to go!

Pointed toe flats

The flip-flop season is finally behind us.  You can finally slip into your pointed toe flats that are just perfect for this period. You can wear these to both formal and informal occasions.  You can go for a casual drink after work or to a meeting with business partners. Select a pair that are stylish, yet so comfortable.  Style and comfort should be your top priority while picking the right one.

Here you go – a list of six transitional pieces from summer to fall are right in front of you! Each one of them is definitely a must-have for the upcoming seasons. So, make sure that you have at least some of these. Trust us, such pieces will make your life much easier!

Author BIO:

Sophia Smith is Australian based beauty and fashion and lifestyle blogger. She is very passionate about latest fashion trends, DIY projects and organic beauty products. Sophia writes mostly in beauty and fashion related topics, mainly through blogs and articles. She is regular contributor at High Style Life.

You can find out more about her writing following her on: Facebook  Twitter  Google +

 

101 Style Guide For Busy Moms: Wear Flats

 fashion tips, fashion for moms, sandal ideas
We simply love flats: loafers, espadrilles, slip ons, Mary Janes, gladiators – you name it! Flats are a living proof that you don’t have to be uncomfortable in order to be stylish and they offer a great starting point for coming up with head-turning looks. However, it’s not always easy to decide on what kind of outfit can go with different types of flats.  Read on to find out how you can combine your outfit and accessories with flats to create various looks: from business, casual, and urban, to feminine and edgy.
Casual and On Point
For a daily casual summer look, try espadrilles. They are trending big time and look best with rolled up pants, skirts and shorts. For a simple look, try skinny jeans with a light fabric pastel colored blouse (or floral print) and espadrilles within the same color range. Finish the look with a messenger purse or drawstring bag.  Accessorize with a pair of Wayfarer glasses for a cool look.
Girly and Relaxed Style
Gladiators offer a chance to mix up different looks, but they go best with rompers and shorts. Whether they’re ankle-length or knee length, you can style gladiators perfectly for a girly look. We suggest that you try a soft denim short dress or romper.  A simple shoulder bag will do the trick.  Choose the same color leather as your stylish gladiators. Finish your look with wavy hair or a messy bun and keep your jewelry simple. Consider bracelets in vivid colors to make your look bold and interesting.
Business Look
For a bossy and sleek look, moccasins are a great choice, but you can explore many different styles. Try the timeless black-red-white combination: opt for red moccasins and combine them with the simple nylon black business pants and a white cotton no-sleeve turtleneck. Add a red tote bag and you’re all set for a successful day at work!
Edgy and Sexy
For a night on the town, consider a bolder look that includes leopard print Chelsea boots. If you prefer a more comfortable and edgier look, try wearing ripped black skinny jeans, accompanied with a black top and a leather jacket. If you wish to add more sexiness to your look, replace the jeans with a mini skirt and you’ll definitely be in the spotlight!
Timeless Parisian Chic
Although flats are known as the essential part of business and casual outfits, they are a great option for feminine looks, too. Parisian women have a reputation for their unrivaled glamorous sense for fashion. For a tasteful look follow this simple rule when choosing footwear for your outfits: if the length of the skirt or a dress is above the knee, flats are the way to go. If it’s below the knee, heels make a great choice.  For a perfectly styled feminine look, try out fashionable tight dresses: pick the fabrics that contain elastin since they’ll follow your body line beautifully and enhance your curves. We suggest you try out trendy knitted off the shoulder dress (length above the knee) in the nude color and combine it with the classic black ballerina flats.
Finish up your look with a black cross body purse, or you can opt for a red one and combine it with your lipstick and nail polish. Style your hair in big waves and you can even add a beret. Stick to the nude and tan shades, and of course the timeless B&W for a sleek
Parisian look.
These are our top five ideas on how to wear flats and create different kinds of looks. Feel free to experiment!
Author BIO:
Sophia Smith is Australian based beauty, fashion and lifestyle blogger. Additionally, she is also very passionate about DIY projects, latest fashion trends and organic beauty products. Sophia writes mostly in beauty and fashion related topics, mainly through blogs and articles. She is regular contributor at High Style Life.
Find her on: Facebook  Twitter  Google +

Slay Your Dragons With Faith

 

 

self improvement, self confidence, self esteem

 

Do you remember the fairy tales when you were growing up that spoke of dragons?  Fairy tales usually included a castle.  They also include a princess, knight, and happily ever after.  Not everyone’s life turns out to be a fairy tale.  Unfortunately, many of us don’t enter adulthood without fears or scars.  Many are afraid of being alone or believe that they can’t make it their own.  Fear causes us to enter adulthood with the desire to be rescued by the knight.

Life has beaten many down.  Due to an ex husband or boyfriend who has abused or left us, someone has convinced us that we are  worthless, daddy abused or left us and the list goes on.  As a result a monster was created, just like the fire breathing dragon  in the fairy tale.  That dragons roars and reminds us of how worthless we are and that we will never amount to anything. It causes us to have low esteem, a lack of self confidence or a lack of direction because we believe it.  The fire breathing dragon haunts us and has us cornered.  Many are afraid to step up and slay him. I’m here to tell you that you can Slay The Dragon no matter what you have gone through, I did.

As a teenage mother, I had to face my fears. Not knowing how I was going to raise my daughter and make a life for us terrified me. Fear will cause you to do many things.  It will cause you to head down a path of destruction.  On the other hand, it can lead to your blessings.  By the grace of God, I headed toward my blessings.

I didn’t know where I would end up, but I did knew that it was  the beginning of my journey.  Stepping on faith became a big part of my life.  Holding on my faith, I realized that being penniless didn’t equate to being broken.  I realized that I wasn’t alone.  I placed my hand in God’s and allowed him to lead me along my journey.  My next step was to realize that I was in control of me and my destiny.  No matter what cards life dealt me, I decided that I would become a card shark and play the hand. Sometimes I would win and sometimes I would lose. I just knew that I would not sit idle and allow life to walk all over me.

Each morning I faced my fears.  I prayed for the tools that I would need to make a life for my child and me.  A knight on a white horse was never in my prayers.  I simply wanted to make a way to provide for us.  Asking God for my blessings was a daily ritual.  All I had to do was ask and I would receive.  The next step was to give him the glory and praise that he deserved.

I ventured from the path that God had planned for me occasionally, but for the most part I stayed the course.  God placed trials in our path for a reason.  He wants us to go them in order for us to be strengthened to do his work.   Regardless of your situation, divorce, having problems with baby’s daddy, death or some other loss you can triumph too.  Face your fears, and you will learn to Slay The Dragons too.

Just know, the fire breathing monster will appear just when you think you have everything under control.  Life is full of twist and turns, but don’t despair.  I have accepted that I will have to spend the rest of my life fighting this monster and putting out his fire, but I know the Victory is mine.  Most of all, step out on faith and victory can be yours too.

Values Help Develop Kid’s Self-Confidence

  kids self-esteem, motivating children, kid's values

 

First, parents play a vital role in grooming and developing a child’s personality and self-esteem.  Do you want to be the proud parents of a child who is full of self-confidence?  Furthermore, do you want your child to walk with their head held high?  Here are some things you can do that will in turn help boost your child’s self-confidence:

  • Do Not Let Any Negative Thoughts, Emotions and Limitations Pull you Down Negative thoughts undermine your confidence. Do not let your true capabilities be overshadowed by inhibitions of the mind and heart.  Furthermore, exercise self-control and learn to maintain your calm.  Also learn to stay composed in panic situations.  So keep brainwashing yourself.  Filter out the negative thoughts and keep going.
  • Positive Thinking Breeds PositivityBack your positive thoughts by positive actions. Even when you are on the lowest ebb, let the light of positivity shine through.  Your children will see it.
  • Face your fears and overcome any hurdles that come your way – Feed your self-esteem by challenging yourself and facing your biggest fears. Doing things which seemed unattainable in the past, can contribute significantly in raising your self-confidence.  You will soon believe that you will be able to cross hurdles and obstacles that would normally deter your progress.
  • Replace bad habits with healthy habits –   You need to correct your inner flaws and short comings to feel confident from within. It is very easy to get into bad habits, but hard to get over them.  Indulging in  healthy habits will help you emerge as a confident individual. Anything that makes you feel good about yourself, will ultimately lead to higher self-esteem.  Teach these healthy habits to your children.
  • Be Grateful for Whatever You Have and Live a Meaningful Life – It is very easy to be ungrateful.  Focus on the good in your life.  Happiness and true bliss can be found in the small things in life. This is where our individual perceptions come into play.  If you envy other people, you will be ungrateful for your blessings.  This keeps you in a constant state of restlessness because you always feel the other person is better off than you. Until you are truly content and satisfied at heart, you will continue to seek ways to make you happy. Being happy with who you are.  It will lead to living healthier and a more productive life.  It will also teach your children to happy with who they are, and to be grateful for the little things in life.
  • Emerge from failure as a stronger, experienced individual –  If at first you don’t succeed; try, try, try again. Do not let failure overpower you to a point where your reasoning and logic is clouded.  Impaired reasoning leaves you confused and demoralized.  Accept your failure, pick up the broken pieces and get on with life.  You can always try again.  Your children will see that failure is a part of life.
  • Raise your intellectual standards – Be consistent in searching general knowledge and awareness. Being knowledgeable makes a person more confident. Personal growth is a continuous process. Stay updated with current national and international events. Become a participant on various topics such as politics, business and sports. Try learning new things on a daily basis and keep your child updated too.
  • Engage in philanthropic activities – Teach your children to think about society.  They need to learn to empathize with the people who are not a fortunate as them.  Be an example by being an active part of it. Children need to learn to spread happiness around them.  Spreading happiness will make others feel good about themselves as well as others.  It also makes them forget about the negativities that surround us.  It enhances our confidence level too.

Finally, be an example for your children.  They will follow in your foot steps, and remember you may not see immediate changes in your child/children.  Building confidence is a life time endeavor.

I want to thank James Smith for this amazing guest post!  You may also like: Teaching Children Responsibility

About the author: James Smith is a survivalist, who loves to write about survival skills and techniques. Currently, he is working for Teotwawki Supplies, offering a complete range of survival and emergency kits. Follow him on twitter @jamessmith1609.

A Working Mom’s Guide On How To Be Happier

moms guide to happiness, relaxation, self-esteem, building confidence 

As mothers, we often work hard to make sure everyone around us is happy. We want our kids to be happy, as well as our spouses and our employers.  But, how often do you do things that make you happy? Your happiness and well-being affect the rest of your family.

All mothers need to make sure they take time for themselves. Working mothers need to make an extra effort since they are pulled in multiple directions every day. Whether you work because you really love your job or because you feel like you need to for financial reasons, you should still do the things that make you happy. Here are a few tips on how to be happier:

  1. Schedule Everything

Invest in a daily planner that you love, or just really utilize that smartphone, because planning out your week will really help you be happier in your day-to-day life. Don’t just use your schedule as a way of staying on task, but write down things you want to accomplish each day, like spending time with your kids. It may seem weird to check things like that off your to-do list, but you won’t view it as a chore.

  1. Get in Sync With Your Spouse

Compare schedules with your spouse and make sure you are both taking the time you need for yourselves. Trade off kid-watching duties so you can go grab some caffeine at Starbucks by yourself and he can hang out with his friends. You both need time to do things that are important to you. In the end, you will both be happier.

  1. Make the Most of Your Commute

We are happiest when we are productive, both at work and at home. Don’t waste your commute to work, especially if it’s long. Use it as time to listen to podcasts, audiobooks or even learn a new language. You may find a new hobby that you love and make the most of time that is precious.

You can also use your commute as a way to cool down after a long day at work by going through pros and cons of the day. Also, try getting into the mindset of going home after work. When you get home after working all day, you should be present with your kids. So instead of thinking about all the things you need to get done at your job, think about how you can spend quality time at home with them.

  1. Learn How to Say No

No could become the most important word in your vocabulary. If you feel like you didn’t spend enough time with your spouse and kids this week, feel obligated to drive them to birthday parties or play dates. Don’t feel guilty if you have to tell other no, even if they don’t like it. Your family is what is most important.

  1. Make Time to Exercise

We all know that exercise can boost your mood and make you feel better about yourself. Carve out at least 10 to 15 minutes each day to get some exercise. Take a walk, pop in a workout DVD or just do some pushups and sit ups each night. You will feel happier and your body will thank you for it.

  1. Plan Intentional Time With Your Spouse

If you want to be happier, make sure your spouse is happy, too. Weekly or biweekly date nights are a must for a married couple. Be intentional with your time together. Turn off your cellphones and don’t talk about your kids’ schedules. Have fun!

  1. Don’t Compare Yourself With Other Moms

Most importantly, don’t compare yourself to other moms because it will just drag you down. It isn’t fair to you and it isn’t fair to those moms, either. You may think they have it better because they get to stay home with their kids, but you don’t know the whole story. Instead, know that you are setting a great example of a hardworking parent for your kids. Know that you are helping to provide for them and don’t take the time you get with them for granted.

Your happiness depends on you making time for yourself and for your family.  Learn how to be happier, and you will live a more productive life.  You may also like 6 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem.

 

Image-JenPic
Jennifer  Landis is a hard-working, distance-running, yoga loving mama, health journalist, and blogger. Find more from Jennifer at her blog, Mindfulness Mama or follow her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

 

 

 

The Importance of Building Children’s Self Esteem

child's self esteem

 

As parents we are responsible for building our children’s self-esteem. We have the ability to make or break our children.  I grow up in an alcoholic home.  Unfortunately, I remember being called names and hearing my mother call my dad names.  Furthermore, I remember those times like yesterday.  The memories and scars never leave. In most homes families look forward to weekends.  In my home they were dreaded. The hell raising started on Thursdays so there would be an excuse for drinking the remainder of the weekend. I vowed that I would never subject my children to this kind of behavior and I didn’t.

Fortunately, I took my responsibility as a parent seriously.  Because I was a single parent, it was doubly important that I ensure my child was well taken care of.  I made sure she had a high sense of self worth.  I worked hard to instill the following characteristics:

 Confidence – First, instill confidence in your children.  Also, help them believe in themselves and their abilities.  And make sure they know they can count on you for whatever goes right or wrong.  Demonstrating a positive attitude is a must too, and it’s a great way to build children’s self esteem. 

Compliments – Well done, you look pretty, handsome, great job, and I’m proud of you are great compliments.  Children should be praised often.  It will stay with them.

Unconditional Love –  Next, let your children know that you love them even when they make mistakes. It’s important that they know your love for them is unconditional.  As a result, they will always be safe.

Encouragement –  Always encourage your children to work through fear.  Always let them know that it’s okay when they fail.  And encourage them to try again.  Be their biggest fan and cheerleader.

Responsibility – Giving children chores and holding them accountable will help with their confidence.

Respect  –  Furthermore, teaching your children about respect is imperative.  Having a high opinion of one’s self will help children have esteem for others.

Finally, fill your children’s self esteem bucket regularly.  It will help define who they are as an adult; therefore, it will become a driving force in their success.  Communicate, compliment and praise often. Success and failure is a normal part of life, and children need to know that both will be experienced throughout their life.  Although they may get down at times, striving for healthy self-esteem should be the goal for all of our children.  So, what can you add to the self-esteem bucket?

You may also like:  Values Help Build Kid’s Self-Confidence.

 

6 Tips To Boost Your Self Esteem

 

self esteem, motivation, self empowerment




Do you need a self-esteem boost?  At one point in my life I saw myself as an attractive, sexual, and vibrant woman.  I looked in the mirror one day and I realized that I had bags under my eyes, more gray hair, and I looked tire. I wondered what had happened. When I looked back over the years I realized that I had lost myself.

I had become a wife, mother, taxi driver, nose wiper, bottom cleaner, chef, CEO, house keeper, medicine dispenser, CFO, and it all led to exhaustion.  Being a mother has been my greatest joy.  But I had forgotten that I was so much more.  As women we can become so entrenched in our roles that we can loose ourselves along the way.  We wake up one morning, and wonder what happen to our self-esteem.

Furthermore, I remembering having my house remodeled several years ago.  My main focus was the master bath. I have a huge garden tub that I wanted to refresh.  Additionally, the shower needed a makeover.  So, I decided to install a rain shower head.  Additionally, I wanted to tile around the vanity, shower and tub.

I stood in stores for hours looking until I found the perfect tile.  I even had a seat constructed in my shower so I could carefully shave my legs, and a heated ceramic floor installed.  After the project was finished, I surrounded my tub with beautiful candles and spa towels.  It was my favorite room in the house.  It’s funny, I can’t remember the last time that I soaked in that tub.  Let alone sip a cup of tea and enjoyed the flicker of the flames on the candles.

You may be wondering what I did to get back on top.  Here’s a few tips on how I boosted my self-esteem and placed myself back on the throne:

1.  Know that you’re important – You’re an entity in your home too, and it’s okay to love yourself. Make time to do the things that you enjoy such as having a glass of wine, scrapbooking, reading, cross-stitching, watching your favorite TV show, or playing a computer game. Whatever you enjoy, take time to enjoy it.

2.  It’s okay to not respond to every need that everyone else has – Trying to please very one will wear you out, lead to stress, and health problems. Remember you need your rest too.

3.  Accept responsibility for where you are now –  Don’t blame your kids or your husband, you have the power to say I’m tired I need to rest, I need help or I need time for myself and take it.

4.  Become determined and self-reliant – Do what you can around your house, rather than sitting around waiting on your husband or significant to do everything for you. Take the stress off yourself because you’re waiting for someone to complete a project for you. It could also take the stress of your husband or significant other too.  This includes painting a room, building those raised garden beds, painting the deck furniture, cleaning out the garage etc. There’s some great bloggers out there that show you how.

5.  Stop trying to take on everything – There are no shortcuts in life, it can be brutal at times.  We must learn to let things go, take a deep breath and exhale. Set priorities and learn to walk away when things get overwhelming. Tomorrow is another day, you can get it done then.

6.  Budget your money and treat yourself  – If you are a SAHM, get a pay check for your work inside the home. Purchase a bouquet of flowers for yourself or treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure or facial. Not your thing, buy a new dress and have a monthly date night with your husband or significant other. It will recharge your batteries!

It’s important to reclaim your self-worth and start treating myself like the queen that your are. I have learned that it’s okay to make myself number one occasionally.  Being mom, wife, and grandmother are wonderful roles, but we should never loose ourselves. They aren’t inclusive of who we are.  We hope that you have found our tips on how to boost your self esteem helpful.

Please leave us a tip on how you boost your self-esteem. We may want to incorporate your tip into our routine.

You may also like How To Empower Yourself Emotionally
                                    Why I No Longer Use the Word Weak
  

How to Empower Yourself Emotionally

how to raise self-esteem, building confidence, how to empower yourself

People use emotional intelligent to achieve their goals and to build businesses.  When I went into management 15 years ago, I learned that my emotional intelligence would be just as important as my technical savvy.  I was expected to lead the organization’s visions whether I agreed with them or not. Your job is to get your employees on board and implement the plan.  I knew that I would need to be physically and emotionally healthy.  At the time I didn’t have a game plan, but self-improvement and self-development became a priority.

Emotional Intelligence is about self-control.  It’s about having absolute control over your emotions and your life.  It’s portraying  confidence and a high level of self-esteem even when you don’t feel it.  I always think of the saying, “Never let them see you sweat” when I think of emotional intelligence.  I read every book that I could find on emotional intelligence and went to work on myself.  Since management was the last rung on the ladder of my career goals, I was determined to be successful.  My job was to manage a team of IT Specialists and help oversee a million dollar computer system.

I empowered myself by incorporating the following tips into my life.  This included on the job and in my personal life:

Learning to Say No – There’s power in that 2 letter word. It’s one of the most powerful words in the English language and has served me well over the course of the years. At one point I didn’t know how to say no. I was the go to person for everybody in the family. It started wearing on my health, so I had to make a major change in my life by deciding what was my problem and what was theirs. I learned to leave them with their problems.  As a result, they had to grow up and take responsibility for their life.  That freedom empowered me.

Learning to Relax – I started focusing on hobbies that I enjoyed, but neglected. I started scrap booking, crocheting and making other crafts. It’s important to found things you enjoy and just unwind.  It empowers you.

Let Go Of GuiltOnce I learned to say no I also learned to let go of guilt. I would feel guilty if I didn’t do what was being asked of me. Now I say what I mean and mean what I say.  Let the door hit you if you don’t like it. It is so freeing and empowering.

Focus on Solutions – I always told my employees to bring a solution when they bring me a problem. Being a part of a solution is empowering.  It’s simple, write down the problem and than write down a solution.  Make changes to your solution when or if it is needed.

Stay Positive – A positive attitude will take you a long way, and you will feel better about yourself.  Who wants to follow someone with a bad attitude?  People want to connect with positive energy.  They find it empowering!

Exercise RegularlyGet some form of exercise everyday.  I had to change my attitude toward exercising.  I hate it and would find any exercise to avoid it.  Previously I thought if I couldn’t get at least 30 minutes in it was unproductive.  So not true, 10, 15, 20 minutes is better than nothing.  I still haven’t mastered this one I’m a work in progress, but I do understand the importance and benefits so I’m striving to get better each day.

The biggest lesson that I learned on my emotional intelligence journey is that our emotions drive our actions. Your emotions can lead to your success or your failure.  Become determined to not allow anybody to move you unless you choose to be moved.  This determination has required me to remain emotionless at times.  I have learned that people look for reactions, and when you don’t give them one they have to rethink their game plan.  The greatest satisfaction is walking away and seeing them with a puzzled look on their face because you didn’t give them what they wanted.  That is empowerment.

Women’s issues still need to be dealt with in the business world. There are still men who think that women are too emotional and shouldn’t be in leadership positions.  On the other side of the spectrum, there are other women who try to press your buttons because they don’t want to see you successful either.  Prepared to endure both if you want to be successful.  

You may also like Finding Your Self-Esteem After Divorce and How I Deal With Toxic People.

5 Tips To Becoming A Confident Woman

 self-improvement, self-confidence, self-esteem

Have you seen women that exude an air of confidence and self-assurance.  You get the feeling that they can conquer the world and achieve anything.  You admire them and wonder how they reached that level.  You secretly wish you had half of their skills and success.   

I was there at one point in my life.  As a single mother, I wanted to be successful.  I wanted to achieve a six figure salary and I wanted to know how to get there.  I wanted to be strong as a mother, as a leader, a mentor and manager.  I’ve had a mentor through out my life and I’ve been a mentor.  I accepted the fact that I couldn’t achieve success on my own, I needed guidance and advice.  
Our role as mothers, spouses, partners and influencers is huge.  We need to display confidence to our children, our spouse or significant other and those that we influence in our life and on the job. Building confidence is a process.  It doesn’t happen over night, but if you continually enhance your skills you will become a confident woman.
Here are a few traits that I believe all women need to become confident:
  1. Define Your Belief System – These are your core values that remain unchanged.  They can include but are not limited to being ethical, family-oriented, reliable, trustworthy.  Define them and stand firm
  2. Be Consistent – You must be consistent in all areas of your life for the most part, but be flexible when needed.  If you’re inconsistent you won’t be taken seriously by your family, co-workers or anyone else that you influence.    
  3.  Become An Achiever –  Set goals and make a plan to achieve them.  It’s important to be an example for your children in this area.  Achieving goals requires stamina and hard work.  
  4. Be Positive – I read daily affirmations to help me stay positive.
  5. Have a sense of humor – You will make mistakes along the way.  Be able to laugh, pick yourself up and move on.
If you don’t want to obtain a mentor, surround yourself with positive people who have arrived at the destination that you’re trying to achieve.  Ask for advice when you need it.  Unfortunately, there isn’t a road map how to achieve success in your business or on how to be a good mother.  Becoming confident and believing in yourself will help you achieve your goals in all areas of your life.  Your spouse, partner and children will see it and believe it.  Take the first step and everything else will fall into place.