9 Tips for Repairing Strained Mother and Daughter Relationships

 

 

mother daughter relationships

 

Mother and daughter relationships are sacred.  Both will feel be affected if there is a breach or tension. If you are the daughter or the mother, these nine tips may be helpful as you seek to repair this special relationship.

The first three tips will be helpful when there is a profound breakdown in the relationship.  The rest of the tips will help both of you relate to each other positively.

However, both of you need to have at least some desire and willingness to work towards genuine reconciliation. If the relationship has become toxic, it may be best to refrain from further contact. It’s imperative that you protect yourself from further damage.  Assess your relationship and decided if you want to repair your relationship.  If so, use these mother and daughter relationships tips to help you move forward:

  1. Make a date to meet together…

First, call your mother or daughter and ask if the two of you can meet for coffee and chat. Depending on your circumstances, decide whether a public place such as a restaurant would be more convenient than meeting in one of your homes.  Don’t include other family members.

  1. Talk things through thoroughly…

Decide what you want to say before you get together. First, thank your mother (or daughter) for meeting you and assure her of your love. Tell her how much the relationship means to you and that by all means you would like to be reconciled with her again. Take ownership of whatever your part may have been in the breakdown. Be honest about whatever the issues are. This is not the time to let your ego get in the way.  If you really want the relationship to be restored it will require a degree of humility.

  1. Decide to go forward…

Both of you will need to make the decision to go forward together. That means putting the past behind you and letting go of whatever caused the break down.  You need to see the future as a blank page waiting to be filled with new stories and experiences in your unique relationship.

  1. Practice forgiveness…

When you have both decided to rekindle the connection, you need to be prepared to navigate the way.  Forgiveness is essential if you want to make any progress.  Remember, forgiveness does not mean that you are condoning or minimizing what happened.  Instead, it means that you decide to let the matter go.  As a result, you can let go of   torment and bitterness.  Forgiveness should be given and received regularly by both parties.

  1. Be realistic and clear about your expectations…

Unrealistic expectation cause disappointments and damage emotions. Sometimes for an adult daughter it is difficult to realize that her mom may not always be available to nurture or rescue her.  Furthermore, she may not be able to meet her needs on a daily basis.  And for moms it can be a shock when their daughters want to fly out of the nest and make their own way. Both of you need to adjust to what it means to have an adult relationship, with clear and realistic expectations.

  1. Learn to listen carefully…

Often the words you say is not what you’re really thinking and feeling. That is why it is so important that you learn to listen carefully. Try to reflect back what the other person is saying so that you can be sure you understand what she means.  At first your mom may sound overly critical.  However, when you realize how worried she is about your safety you may be able to recognize her love for you.

  1. Learn to communicate carefully…

Don’t expect the other person to be a mind reader.  We need to communicate carefully and clearly.  Be gentle as you speak your heart . Harsh words pierce deeply and can leave a painful wound, even if you didn’t mean it that way.

  1. Make time for each other…

One of the most common complaints from mothers is that their adult daughters no longer have time for them. However, it can work both ways. It takes wisdom to find the balance of knowing how much time to spend together.  How much is enough, and how much is too much. Too much togetherness can cause petty irritations to surface. Yet,  not enough togetherness leads to isolation and a disconnection.  So seek to find the healthy balance of what will work best for both of you.

  1. Know your boundaries…

Boundaries are essential for any good relationship.  This includes mother and daughter relationships. If there has been bitter arguing or name calling, make it clear that you will leave if that restarts. Once you have set a boundary, be ready to enforce it for your own mental and emotional health. With perseverance and love it is possible to repair and maintain the powerful and precious mother and daughter relationships.

Author Bio:-

Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.

Inspirational Quote – Requirements

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5 Reasons You Should Keep Your Word

                                      Bend Over Backwards To Keep Your Word

  • Your children will follow your exampleChildren do as they see and repeat what they hear.  If you don’t live up to what you say why should they?
  • You will demonstrate that you’re untrustworthy –  People don’t trust others who don’t mean what they say and why should they.  
  • You could possibly damage the self-esteem of others – If a person depends on you and you constantly let me them down it will eventually affect their self-esteem. They may feel unworthy, not cared for and eventually give up on you or worst themselves.  
  • You will demonstrated that you’re unreliable – You will never become a part of a team or a relationship.  You will demonstrate that you can’t carry your weight and you’re not a team player.  You will never be able to make a commitment.  
  • You will demonstrate that you lack characterWhere I come from, your word is your bond.  It’s what makes you stick to another person or task.  It’s equivalent to a hand shake. Character is reflection of who you are, you values, and your morals.  

Know that what you do or don’t do affects other people in your life.  People want to feel that they can depend on you and that you will be there for them when needed.  They want to know that you’re believable. These traits are essential when you have children involved and also come into play with friendships and intimate relationships.  Not keeping your word is hurtful.    
At some point we must all grow up and bend over backwards to keep our word.  Life is not all fun and games, and letting another down can be devastating.  Being responsible is what separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls.  Learn to follow through when you say that you will do something and demonstrate that you can be depended on.  

Most importantly, not keeping your word is a serious character flaw that must be improved if you want to be a good parent and maintain other important relationships.  Are you teaching your child to keep their word and are you demonstrating how?  Are you in a friendship or relationship where you are constantly being let down?  If so, you may want to reassess it. People dish out what you’e willing to accept.  


Photo courtesy of stockvault.net

10 Tips to Transform Your Love Life

Relationship Reality Check:

10 Questions that Can
Transform Your Love Life

By Dr. Jacqueline Del
Rosario

Relationships
often collapse because couples are not prepared to withstand the inevitable
conflicts or even the humdrum and monotonous plateau period that’s nearly
certain to present as the years go by.  A relationship can feel more like
“boot camp” when trying to acclimate to each other’s personality differences
and habits—frustrations, tensions, and resentments that can persist well into a
long-term love affair and undermine the ability to feel happy and content. For
other couples, it’s shear boredom that can wreak havoc—if the partnership
doesn’t continue to stimulate and enrich their lives, the doldrums can be a
relationship death knell!


When
couples do not understand these are anticipated and natural events in the
course of a relationship, they may start looking for the exit
door thinking that they have made a grievous mistake. But, many people
don’t realize the extent to which their relational health and happiness is
under their own control. That power lies in one’s ability to self-assess and
foster quality communication with their partner.

With this in mind, here are 10 self-assessment questions—answers to which can
not only help a relationship survive, but also thrive so that both partners can
actualize their dreams of “happily ever after”:

1. Am I putting my
best face forward?

People dress up in their best clothes, make sure their hair is done, and put on
makeup for the outside world. Do you put forth the same effort to impress
and excite your mate? 

2. Am I still
growing?

You must come to a relationship, willing to continuously improve who you are so
that your relationship can continue to evolve. Consider trying new things
together.  Exploration
and adventure can go a long way to keeping things fresh and appealing and will
help you understand and appreciate who your partner is today. Continue to date
and experience new things as a couple. 

3. Am I continuing to
invest the time and effort to maintain a strong foundation?
All good things take
work, and both parties must roll up their sleeves and commit to doing their
part to add value to the union. This includes continually stoking the flames of
passion.  Are
you as proactive or even adventuresome in the bedroom, or are you relegated to
business as usual? Break the routine here and watch the magic ensue. 

4. What are the
anchors in my relationship?
What are the things that keep you rooted and
well-connected with your partner?  Why are you together in the first
place? Identifying and nurturing similar values, goals, and expectancies in
your relationship are fundamental and will help you endure during the tough
times. 

5. How can I help
improve our communication style?
It is essential to learn how each party in
the partnership prefers to communicate. 
 You must then make the conscious effort to deliver and receive
messages from your mate according to their personal style, which may differ
from yours. Knowing when and how to disseminate information is a key
relationship skill that can be a saving grace unto itself. And, during an
argument, always fight fair and with respect—no name calling, no degrading one
another, and no using your tongue as a weapon of mass destruction. 

6. What unmet
expectations do we each have that need to be addressed?
Unfortunately, unmet
expectations are often not shared and, instead, they can fester within and
result in resentment and bitterness. How can you expect your mate to meet your
expectations if you don’t voice them? 
It’s unfair of you to feel that your partner “should know” or be able to
decipher passive aggressive cues that something is wrong.  Met
expectations equal relational bliss, so be honest with what you need from your
partner for a real chance that those needs will be met, or even exceeded. 

7. What emotional
triggers might be adversely affecting my current relationship?
Triggers link back
to past traumas and can hinder the way we respond to or even perceive
present day issues.  Were you lied to or
cheated on in the past? It doesn’t mean you cannot trust your current mate. Did
your past partner drink too much? It doesn’t mean this partner can’t enjoy a
cocktail responsibly. Put your old baggage aside and experience your current
partner on their own merits and actions.

8. Do I stop, look, and listen? Take
the time to listen to and validate your mate. Couples often decrease their talk
time once they have been together awhile and feel comfortable. Keep the
channels of communication open—chatter about the day’s events, current events,
family matters and similar. It bonds the heart and abates the feeling of
growing apart.
Should a concern be expressed along the way, it’s
imperative to hear your mate and try to empathize with how they feel.

9. Do I allow outside
interference?
 There is a reason “interference” is a penalty
in most sports. It is because someone is getting involved where and when they
do not have a right. This can result in focusing on the wrong issues and
reinforcing dangerous and emotional conclusions that can be detrimental to your
relationship. Your partner may also be very angry to find out that others are
now involved in your private life. Instead, go directly to your partner to
resolve relationship problems. However, if things are critical and seemingly
out of both of your control, qualified assistance can come from marriage
coaches and counselors who are there to help get the dialogue between the two
of you on the right track.

10. Do I have a maintenance plan? Are you still doing what you did to get your mate? Do you
know exactly why your mate should or would want to stay with you in the months
and years ahead? What emotional benefits do you offer your mate that others
don’t? Take the time to assess what your virtues are and even ask your mate to
cite favorite qualities about you. Then, make a concerted effort to foster
these qualities to not only ensure interest remains, but also maximize the
caliber of that interest.

“America’s Marriage
Coach” Jacqueline Del Rosario is
President and CEO of Recapturing the Vision International, an organization
dedicated to promoting healthy marriages and family strengthening. Also a
published author, speaker, and nationally regarded media personality, Dr. Del
Rosario has been a certified pre and post-marital counselor for more than 20
years. Her cutting-edge series, Marriage Solutions and The Marital
Constitution™, help couples successfully work through problems and find
healthy solutions. She has two children and currently resides in Miami, Florida
with her husband of over 20 years. Dr. Del Rosario may be reached online at
www.DrJacquie.com.
I will be interviewing Dr. Rosario.  Stay tuned for my interview post.