9 Tips for Repairing Strained Mother and Daughter Relationships

 

 

mother daughter relationships

 

Mother and daughter relationships are sacred.  Both will feel be affected if there is a breach or tension. If you are the daughter or the mother, these nine tips may be helpful as you seek to repair this special relationship.

The first three tips will be helpful when there is a profound breakdown in the relationship.  The rest of the tips will help both of you relate to each other positively.

However, both of you need to have at least some desire and willingness to work towards genuine reconciliation. If the relationship has become toxic, it may be best to refrain from further contact. It’s imperative that you protect yourself from further damage.  Assess your relationship and decided if you want to repair your relationship.  If so, use these mother and daughter relationships tips to help you move forward:

  1. Make a date to meet together…

First, call your mother or daughter and ask if the two of you can meet for coffee and chat. Depending on your circumstances, decide whether a public place such as a restaurant would be more convenient than meeting in one of your homes.  Don’t include other family members.

  1. Talk things through thoroughly…

Decide what you want to say before you get together. First, thank your mother (or daughter) for meeting you and assure her of your love. Tell her how much the relationship means to you and that by all means you would like to be reconciled with her again. Take ownership of whatever your part may have been in the breakdown. Be honest about whatever the issues are. This is not the time to let your ego get in the way.  If you really want the relationship to be restored it will require a degree of humility.

  1. Decide to go forward…

Both of you will need to make the decision to go forward together. That means putting the past behind you and letting go of whatever caused the break down.  You need to see the future as a blank page waiting to be filled with new stories and experiences in your unique relationship.

  1. Practice forgiveness…

When you have both decided to rekindle the connection, you need to be prepared to navigate the way.  Forgiveness is essential if you want to make any progress.  Remember, forgiveness does not mean that you are condoning or minimizing what happened.  Instead, it means that you decide to let the matter go.  As a result, you can let go of   torment and bitterness.  Forgiveness should be given and received regularly by both parties.

  1. Be realistic and clear about your expectations…

Unrealistic expectation cause disappointments and damage emotions. Sometimes for an adult daughter it is difficult to realize that her mom may not always be available to nurture or rescue her.  Furthermore, she may not be able to meet her needs on a daily basis.  And for moms it can be a shock when their daughters want to fly out of the nest and make their own way. Both of you need to adjust to what it means to have an adult relationship, with clear and realistic expectations.

  1. Learn to listen carefully…

Often the words you say is not what you’re really thinking and feeling. That is why it is so important that you learn to listen carefully. Try to reflect back what the other person is saying so that you can be sure you understand what she means.  At first your mom may sound overly critical.  However, when you realize how worried she is about your safety you may be able to recognize her love for you.

  1. Learn to communicate carefully…

Don’t expect the other person to be a mind reader.  We need to communicate carefully and clearly.  Be gentle as you speak your heart . Harsh words pierce deeply and can leave a painful wound, even if you didn’t mean it that way.

  1. Make time for each other…

One of the most common complaints from mothers is that their adult daughters no longer have time for them. However, it can work both ways. It takes wisdom to find the balance of knowing how much time to spend together.  How much is enough, and how much is too much. Too much togetherness can cause petty irritations to surface. Yet,  not enough togetherness leads to isolation and a disconnection.  So seek to find the healthy balance of what will work best for both of you.

  1. Know your boundaries…

Boundaries are essential for any good relationship.  This includes mother and daughter relationships. If there has been bitter arguing or name calling, make it clear that you will leave if that restarts. Once you have set a boundary, be ready to enforce it for your own mental and emotional health. With perseverance and love it is possible to repair and maintain the powerful and precious mother and daughter relationships.

Author Bio:-

Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.

5 Reasons Family Is Important To Children

importance of family, family, ancestory

Family is important to children. We may not like some of our family members and they may not like us at times, but we can’t change who we are or the fact that we’re connected by a bloodline for a lifetime.  Some of our experiences with family have been different. Some of us come from single parent homes, alcoholic homes, or two parent homes that were loving or not so loving.  We can ignore, stay away from or disown our family, but we can’t get away from who we are.  That is a fact.   

When I was growing up family reunions, backyard BBQs, and Sunday gatherings were a given. You never knew how the day would end, but we would all return eventually. As children we spent time with siblings or cousins playing ball, hop scotch, doing cartwheels, or picking walnuts and berries for treats.  Although the event did not always end on a pleasant note for the adults, we still laugh about the good times that we had together as children.  

Here’s 5 reasons why family is important:    

Teaches Children About Who They Are – Learning about your heritage is important to understanding who you are. What better way to learn than from great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  Listening to stories from relative’s childhood can help teach children about who they are and who family members are.  

Teaches Children About Trust – Spending time with family builds a bond which can lead to trust. As parents we must teach our children who to trust in the family, because not all family members should be trusted.  We all have drug addicts, alcoholics, thieves, liars and a host of other negative traits whether we want to admit it or not, so it’s important to guide your children in this endeavor. Forming a bond with family members can last a lifetime, it teaches children that they will always have someone to turn to with family.  

Provides Examples For Children – Spending time with family members gives children a first hand example of how other family members live.  Some family members will be doing better than others financially, have bigger and more beautiful homes, and be the most unhappy.  It also gives children an opportunity to see those that are not doing well, but are the happiest.  It allows children to see things from a perspective other than what’s conveyed in their home.  

Helps Develop Self-Esteem – It’s important that children become comfortable with who they are and be accepted for who they are.  What better place to start building a solid foundation than with family. No matter what, family should love and accept your imperfections, strengths and weaknesses.  

Gives Children A Sense of Security – Knowing that you’re loved by family gives children a sense of security.  They feel safe and accepted and free to be who they are.  When they not afraid of being who they are their self-worth soars. 

Family, is the important unit in our society and for good reason.  No matter what happens in life family will remain.  So many children yearn for the love of family, security, a sense of who they are and examples of how life can be.  If you have the opportunity to expose your children to extended family gatherings, I encourage you to do so.  Understanding the family tree is essential to learning who you are.