bullying Archives - Mother 2 Mother Blog

September 18, 2014 by Rhonda Gales

I received a message from one of nephews for a contribution toward 3 pairs of shoes for 3 of our local school children. First, he explained that the children were in middle school and they were being bullied simply because they had holes in their shoes. As a result, he wanted to stop the bullying. He stated that he wanted to help, but as a single father he needed financial assistance. Today, I’m sharing parenting tips on victims of bullies. Since it was 3 children in need, he would have to take away from his household expense to help all 3. Of course, my sister and I jumped at the opportunity to help.

Here’s the story: Two young boys, who happen to be twins, were being made fun of because their shoes were old and full of holes. The children tried to explain that their parents were poor, and didn’t have money to buy them new shoes. However, that didn’t stop the bullies from taunting them. A third boy tried to intervene, but his shoes were full of holes too. He understood the twins plight, and tried to stand up for them. Unfortunately, he became a target of the harassment too.

My heart broke as my nephew told the story. I felt so sorry for the 3 boys, but I felt sadness for their harassers too. Are you wondering why I felt sorry for the bullies? They obviously lack home training and most importantly empathy for those who have less than them. It all starts at home. Obviously, they haven’t been taught to be charitable and to try to help others. If these boy had been taught properly, they would have gone home and told their parents about their school mates being in need of new shoes rather than tease them. At middle school age, they certainly should know better.

I taught my daughter early to reach out to others, and to give to the less fortunate. You must bless others if you want to be blessed. We bagged clothes, shoes, toys and anything else that we could find that could possibly help others in need. To a point, she thought I could help everybody. She brought a teen mom home and her baby one day. She was in middle school at the time, I’ll share that story with you in another post.

Getting back to my awesome nephew, he went shopping for the shoes by himself. While he was shopping, he sent the pictures above. He found a reasonably priced pair of shoes for each of the children. I’m so proud of him for being a selfless young man. He could have could have turned his back and walked away like so many do.

Fortunately, the school held an assembly to discuss bullying with the students. Additionally, I’m hoping that they will contact the parents of those who are guilty of being a bully. Most importantly, I hope that they have a Zero Tolerance policy in place.

Teach your children that laughing at another’s misfortune is not acceptable. Explain that they could possibly end up in the same position one day. Our financial situation could change anytime. Teach them to talk about their school mates. Let them know that the right thing to do is to let you know about school mates in need. You may be able to help. If you can’t help financially, here a few tips that you can take to help victims of bullies:

1. Contact your local church – Many churches have clothing drives and have items readily available.
2. Ask family and friends if they can contribute – A dollar from each adds up.
3. Head up a local drive yourself – Most people are charitable and will be willing to donate.
4. Ask your children if they would be willing to give up their allowance to help a schoolmate.
5. Give up a trip to the salon or Starbucks for several weeks – Donate your savings to your local charity.
6. Contact your local Wal-Mart or Kmart – They may have a list of children who are in need.
7. Check your children’s closet for donations – Determine if they have anything to spare. If they have 5 pair of shoes will they really miss a pair? If they have 10 pair of jeans, will they be willing to give up a pair?

We hope that you find our tips on how to help victims of bullies useful. How do you bless others? What’s your thoughts on this story? You may also like Stop Bullying.

School Sued For Ignoring Bullies

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This post is a follow-up of my July 23, 2006 post Don’t Bully My Child. Casey County High School in Kentucky is being sued because administrators and teachers failed to take the appropriate action to protect five students on school grounds from bullies. In my previous post, I stated that parents should meet with school officials, and ensure that their child is safe while they’re on school property. Here’s a story of the parents and students taking the appropriate action and receiving nothing in return.

Rachel Weddle has a bald spot from when a bully pulled her hair and punched her in the face at school. Bethany Buis received letters with death threats and eventually transferred schools. Lacy Griffith skipped her high school graduation fearing harassment. Charissa Gosser was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder, which involves feelings of depression or anxiety. Nikki Rayborn spent most of her time at school trying to avoid bullies. These are the five students that are suing for unspecified damages.

The suit states that school administrators told the girls and their parents on several occasions that nothing could be done by the school to stop bullying. One student was told to “ride it out.” The vice principal told one student that she needed to “toughen up. ” The lawsuit also stated that a teacher witnessed a physically aggressive act against one of the girls, and responded, “Whew, she’s mad at you.” One student stated that the vice principal told her that she “got more trouble than most girls” because she was pretty. ”

How can students get an education when they spend the day avoiding bullies, defending themselves, or reporting the harassment and hearing administrators tell them that they can’t protect them? I believe that it’s unfair for a child to miss their high school graduation, one of the most important and memorable days of their life, because they’re afraid of being bullied. I also believe that it is unfair for a student who is being harassed to have to transfer to another high school to avoid the harassment. Why not transfer the bully? I find it hard to believe that school administrators haven’t received training to handle school bullies. Personally, I won’t spend a lot of time, energy, or money on school bullies. Call the parents into the school, turn the problem children over to the parents, and remove them from the system until they learn self-respect, self-control, self-esteem, and learn to respect their school and fellow students. I believe the problem starts at home, and that’s where it needs to be worked on and corrected.

Did these school administrators fail these students and parents? If school administrators don’t know how to handle bullying, they can use State Senate Bill 1621 co-written by 15 year old Caitlyn Nolan in Tenneesee as an example. Nolan was bullied in middle school for years by the same person. She said she lived in constant fear. Administrators say Nolan was a prime target because she was an overachiever, president of the school council and an honor student. I thought these were traits that all parents and administators wanted to see in students, but bullies despise these type of students. Caitlyn said, “When she was pushed face first into her locker, she decided to take action.” She lobbied for guidance on how to deal with bullies in her school district. Her bill goes into effect just in time for the new school year. Caitlyn hopes the bill “shines a light on the problem that students are facing.” Congratulations Caitlyn for stepping up and taking action!