Would you lend a friend $5,000? How about $3,000? Frankly, I don’t think it’s wise to lend family or friends money. I’ve loaned friends money twice in the pass. However, I was repaid. But, it wasn’t thousands of dollars like this request. To be exact, I helped a friend out of a bad marriage. Another time I helped a friend get back on her feet after she put her mother in a nursing home. The second friend tried to make it a habit, however, I ended that.
Why am I leery this time? Could it be because it’s a male or the size of the request? To be honest, I have a hard time with a men asking women for money. Especially large sums of money. So maybe it’s both. When he asked me to lend him the money, I really wanted to ask if he saw a Bank of Rhonda sign in my front yard. What irritates me is this person lives in a 4,000 square foot house, drives a luxury vehicle, but he is unable to pay his bills. Furthermore, did I mention he took a vacation overseas?
Do you know the quote: “I don’t loan money because it causes amnesia.” – Unknown Yes, I love it and here’s a few other reasons why you should not loan friends money. This includes family too:
1. It’s rare that family or friends will repay the money – Friends and relatives believe that they really don’t have to pay you back because of the friendship or the fact that you’re family. When you consider reasons why you should not loan friends money, remember this one.
2. Help people don’t enable them – Offer to help the person with their finances rather than loaning them money. It may not be want they want, but it could be what they need.
3. Loaning money can jeopardize your relationship – One of the biggest reasons you should not loan friends money is because it ends relationships if the money is not repaid. Assess whether your relationship is more important than the money.
4. If the priorities are wrong, it won’t be a priority to repay you – If you need more reasons to not loan friends money, think logically. If a person is not paying bills timely or not being financially responsibility, you won’t be a priority either.
5. Your finances could be harmed – One of the biggest reasons to not loan friends money is financial harm. You could use that money for emergencies or to have a saving for future hardships.
Most people can’t afford to loose money. So, assess your relationship and decide whether money is worth ending your friendship over. Friendships end because money is not repaid. As result, our reasons you should not loan friends money should be considered.
I’ve had someone ask me for this kind of sum before when their kid is driving around in a late model BMW while I’m driving a van with 86,000 miles on it.
I find people think they are _entitled_ to money when they have no clue how to manage their own money.
If you do (did?) decide to lend the money, think of it as a gift and not a loan. For family if I’ve got it I’ll “lend” money once without question if I’ve got it. If they pay it back without being asked I’d even do it a second time. I’d also never ask for it back.
For a friend… I think my cap would be around $250 or less and again I’d consider it a gift and if they pay it back I’d do it again for them if needed. If not, I wouldn’t ever worry about it.
Don’t ever loan money though. That’s what banks are for.
Great post! If my friend had similiar traits like him, I would have to say no. First I would help my friend think of other ways to come up with the money such as, savings acct, mutual fund, household items (pawn or sell on ebay). Lately, I realized that helping them think outside the box, that they’ll find their own money. Or, they’ll call someone else. I had a recent request for money, by the end of the call my friend said “Aw just forget it!” She was looking for an easier way out. I am NOT trying to be diffulcult, but my money do not come easy, therefore, I can’t give it out that easily:-)
As Whitney Houston would say, HELL TO DA NAW! Don’t let him pimp you. Did you go off to work so you could come back home and hand over your check to him?
I had this talk with myself this morning. I loaned a male friend $50 last May. He called at 3:30am to ask me to wire the money to get to his father’s funeral. That was another $15. I was traveling, so I had to pull over and call Western Union from a gas station parking lot. What a headache.
He sent me an email last night, “Girl, I haven’t forgotten about you, but sh*t is tight.” Well, it’s tight for me too. Suffice it to say, this $65 has ruined our friendship. But, here are a few conclusions I came to this morning:
1. Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
2. People buy what they want and then beg for what they need.
3. He was comfortable enough to call me at 3:30 in the morning and put a sense of urgency on the need for the money, but have not put that same sense of consideration and urgency on repaying it.
4. He smokes. If he can afford to buy cigarettes, he can afford to give me back my money.
5. Don’t expect anyone who is unwilling to sacrifice for their own livelihood to sacrifice and repay you. I wanted a new car a few years ago, but didn’t want a car payment. But I was always willing to “loan” money that I never got back. So I had to get real and ask myself why was sacrificing and saving money to give it away to people who weren’t willing to do the same.
In response to Becca, no I didn’t lend him the money. If I did, I wouldn’t be bitter because of it. I would just have to accept the consequences that followed, and if it turned out negatively I would take the necessary actions (court).
I would never lend this kind of money without a written and signed agreement.
Thanks for stopping by, I love to hear my readers comments.
So did you? I thought you had, and if you have, you are so bitter about it. I think its best to just say no. There are other options, like talking to his creditors. In a word, my answer would be no.
Hell to the no 😉
Looks like he needs to take a good look at how he’s living, sounds like it’s way overdue!
No way!! It is NEVER good to let people borrow money, even family. It always causes uncomfortablity & oftentimes the breaking down of a relationship.
I would only consider borrowing money or lending money with my parents, never friends.
If you feel strongly about helping someone in need, I was always taught to GIVE without expecting it paid back. If you can let it go like that then you really aren't lending – you are giving. When you expect it back, that expectation can cause division.
If you do decide to lend, then maybe it would be a good idea to come up with a written contract.
Thanks for sharing, DAWN
@PainterMommy
Would I loan the person you are describing the money? No. Sadly it sounds a lot like my SIL.
I would loan money to one friend, because if she came to me, it would be because she had nothing.
only once was I able to help and I got the no repay thing…left a bad feeling in me and ten years later, i am STILL trying to break this and just let it go.
BUT!
Do you know how hunbling it is for a man, a good man, a REAL man to ask you for money is?
it’s one of the hardest things he’d have to do in his life!
We’re in a bad spot and have been through the years..each and every time we ask for help, it’s been to help HUBS, NOT us..do you beleive that? Why? Because I don’t know these people, I don’t WANT to know these people, but in our bind, I will do my absolute best to be a good wife for my husbands’ sake to these people..nope, these are single friends who want my hubs to be single…go figure…
anyway…hubs won’t help out others after we get through this because no one has been here for us…
I, on the other hand, WILL be there to help out someone who is just like us….real people, real problematic situation..just real through and through…
so, the choice is yous to make. I beleive God puts us in situations that we would rather not be in, so look deep within yourself for the answer.
just my take on it…
I’ve helped out friends before, and have learned to not do that anymore. It never seems to turn out well.
Friend or family, 5k is a lot of money and it sounds like this person doesn’t have their priorities straight. Sounds like they need to sell the car and use that money to pay bills, then use what’s left over to buy a new car. Living above a persons means is about half the reason the US is in the state is it.
No way. I only give friends money if it’s money I have and it’s a gift. That just ruins friendships when it’s loaned money.
This person needs to prioritize and learn to save
Ummm… No. Heck NO. This person may be a good person and a friend but needs to get his priorities straight. I would suggest he go to the bank for the loan. YOU are not a bank.
i know i wouldn’t do it, if they don’t know how to manage their money and chose to spend it on frivolous items than that’s their problem! The other 2 times that you mentioned it was for good reasons, not because they weren’t being responsible.
I’d tell him to sell his car and by a Pinto!!! Maybe let people stay in the house for rent.
If my friend asked for $$$, first off i don’t have any! hahaha. I’d really have to see why they needed and if they were all out of options. In the end i’d probably wouldn’t do it (based on my own frugal reasonings)