Who said being a single parent would be difficult? Being a single parent can lead to feeling lonely and unloved? During my journey as a single mother, we rarely talk about our struggles with our baby’s daddy and ex-husbands while raising our children. Single mother need to be love and we need to give each other support and advice. Talk about your needs eliminates shame and guilt. We also don’t talk about the sacrifices we make to do our job as single mothers. We don’t want anyone to know that part of us.
It’s time for us to let the cat out the bag. None of us had a immaculate conception. At some point we had sex that’s how we became mothers, right. Hell some of us had great sex! No matter how strong we become as single mothers, deep down we still want to have someone wrap their arms around us, tell us that we’re beautiful, that we’re loved and that they want to make passion love to us. It’s a healthy reaction.
As single mothers, we exert a huge amount of energy into raising our children. Most of the responsibility of raising our children falls onto our shoulders. Because it takes so much energy, we place ourselves on the back burner. We bury our need to be loved because loving our children becomes the priority, but at some point they come roaring to the surface. Maybe on a Saturday night, seeing a couple holding hands walking down the street or spotting a delicious piece of eye candy in the next lane while driving home from the office. You ask yourself if you will ever find love again. You think about buying something sexy and wearing it while your favorite aroma scented candle is burning and your favorite wine is waiting to be sipped. I know you do, I’ve been there.
We as single mothers need to admit that we have these feelings. I’m encouraging all of you to say, I feel lonely at times. Admit that you want someone to love. If you’re alone while reading this post, scream it! Now I can’t guarantee that a handsome man will appear when you finish, but at least you’re acknowledging those deep down feelings. You’re freeing yourself from the guilt of wanting to be with someone and the pain of not being able to achieve it because of your situation. Free yourself ladies! Cry if you want to, we all need our soul cleansed at some point.
As my daughter got older the loneliness didn’t go away. I worried about dating and having a strange man around her. The thought of someone molesting her that I was dating or another failed relationship haunted me. I had made mental notes of women who had placed a man before her children or trusted them around her children and the man ended up abusing them. Being a single mother is hard enough, I simply couldn’t add that burden to my list of life’s troubles. I realized that I treasured her more than I wanted a relationship.
Here’s a few tips on how to alleviate loneliness:
1. Accept that you deserve to have a little fun and need adult interaction. Open yourself up to dating and or making new friends.
2. Take a few college courses to better yourself. Attending class and doing homework will keep you busy to a point where you don’t have to focus on being lonely. I also met great people in my classes and would meet them for a drink or burger after class.
3. Reconnect with old friends, male and female. They may be receptive to spending time with you and your children.
4. Compile a list of books that you want to read. This can include self-improvement, romance, true crimes and anything else that catches your eye.
5. Learn to cross-stitch, crochet, or scrapbook. (Sure wish I had taken that sewing class).
6. Treat yourself on Saturday nights that you don’t have a date. Burn a candles, put on some soothing music and soak in a hot tub.
7. Check out on-line groups who can relate to your situation. They are great source of inspiration, a great way to make friends and social networking for business endeavors.
Last, know that you are not alone and you will eventually find love again. Good things come to things who wait.