When you’re a single parent, you always feel like there’s a piece of your life missing. You wake up alone, you go to bed alone. You maintain your home alone, you take of your child alone. Alone becomes a part of your daily routine. One day your child asks for daddy, the missing piece of the puzzle in their mind. How do you handle their question?
We end up as single parents for many reasons, death, poor choices, abandonment or immaturity either on our part or our partner’s. It can be a devastating experience being left to raise your child alone or choosing to raise your child alone because you know you’re better off. Whatever the reason, it requires stamina and endurance when you find yourself alone. It also requires you to think before you speak to your child/children on daddy’s or mommy’s whereabouts. I read a post from a blogger who said she told her child you don’t have a daddy. That response affected me deeply. It affected me deeply because I felt her pain. I understood where she was coming from, but I wondered if she really understood what she just told her child.
I want to share how I handled the situation with my daughter with the single moms out there. The first thing that I decided was that I would never speak negatively of my daughter’s father in her presence. Now I would let that SOB have it during phone conversations or when I was speaking to a friend, but never in my daughter’s presence. What good would that do? I made a decision to not project my anger or pain onto my child. When you tell you child that they don’t have a dad that’s exactly what you’re doing. Regardless of how we feel about the absent father, our child didn’t get here by a stork. They were conceived, so they do have a dad. He’s simply MIA.
I decided to tell my child that dad wasn’t here when she asked where he was. A simple “he’s not here” often did the trick at least temporarily. I would explain that it was just the two of us and we would be just fine. I also told her that he loved her, because he did and does. He wasn’t in a position to show it at the time. I don’t know if it eased her fear or pain of not having him in her life, but I knew it was better than telling her that he didn’t exist. I also thought it was best for me to leave the door open for him to reappear. People do grow up and have a change of heart. I thought it would confuse her even more if he decided to be a part of her life down the road and I had told her he didn’t exist. I didn’t want her to think negatively of me because I had lied to her or look back and realize that I was an angry, bitter person because he wasn’t there. As single mothers, we don’t want things to backfire. We must accept our situation and move forward with a positive attitude.
As she got older, I explained my relationship with her dad. Through it all, I never spoke negative of him. I explained that things just didn’t work out between us. We went our separate ways and I didn’t regret it. I reinforced that she was the best thing that ever happened to me and the years that he had missed was his loss. I wanted her to form her own opinion. I knew one day their path would cross and he did exactly what I thought he would do, he came back into the picture when she was 15. This is why I believe that as single mothers, we should never tell our children that they don’t have a dad. How do you explain to your child that you’ve lied to them if they do resurface? Daddy made you do it?
As my daughter got older, I eventually build a relationship with his mom, aunts and cousins. My daughter became close to his family members too; however, she flipped the script. She dismissed him. She choose not to have a relationship with him, he ended up on the outside looking in. Isn’t it amazing how things work out. She continued her education, married her college sweetheart and had 2 beautiful children while he suffered because he was not a part of it. I think it’s important to be honest with our children and allow them to make their choices and form their own opinions when they get old enough to fully comprehend the situation. Either they will work it out or they will continue to go their separate ways.
Just as important, letting go of the anger and bitterness of a failed relationship frees you to see things clearly and it allows you to become a great mother. Don’t spend time wondering why they don’t want to be a part of their child’s life. Don’t spend time wondering why they didn’t love you. It is what it is. Life deals us a hand of cards and we must play them. There will be times when we will have a winning hand and other times we will have to fold. Lay that bad hand on the table and wish them well.
God places us in the positions that we need to be in. It takes time to figure things out, but you must have a clear head so you can see where you need to be. He could have placed you in your position to be a leader for other single mothers, so be the best single mother that you can be. He could have placed you in your position to strengthen you for another use in this life; I don’t know. I do know that negativity is an obstacle and it will make your journey difficult if you don’t get rid of it. You must rise above your situation ladies, rise above it.
Photo courtesy of stockvault.net
Where Is My Daddy
10 Reasons I Love Country Living
I love living in the country. Although I’ve had many opportunities to move to the big city, it was never an option for me. Most days we take things for granted.We get up in the morning and go about our day without taking notice of the beauty that surrounds us.
Yesterday, I got a reminder of why I love the country life. I was weeding the shrubbery beds and heard horses in the back of the property, so I ran around the yard to see what was happening since I don’t own horses. I found cowboys riding through the back of the property. I ran in the house to grab the camera, which I have learned to leave by the back door and started snapping pictures.
Not only did they ride through the back of my property, they rode through my neighborhood. It was so refreshing and unexpected. I’m a lover of horses, so I truly believe they were sent as a reminder to enjoy what I love.
As the day went on, I thought about why I loved my neighborhood and living the country life. Here are 10 reason I love country living:
- I know my neighbors, and love knowing that I can always count on them.
- I love having enough land where my grandchildren can run freely.
- I love stepping out onto my deck and being able to breath in clean, fresh air.
- I love watching deer, rabbits, and squirrels run and play in my back yard.
- I love having enough land to grow fresh vegetables and being surrounded by butchers for fresh cuts of meat, farmers for fresh eggs, and orchard growers for fresh fruits.
- I love being able to bird watch in my backyard.
- I love being able to raise my grandchildren in a safe and friendly environment.
- I love being able to see trees and beautiful colors in the fall.
- I love being able to live in the country, but close enough to a city when I need a change of environment.
- I love moments of surprise, cowboys riding through your back property and through your neighborhood.
Are you a city or country blogger? What do you enjoy about your neighborhood/city?
Apparel N Bags – Ladies Laptop Tote Review
I received an offer to review a product from Apparel N Bags, and readily accepted once I reviewed their site. I decided to check out the Port Authority Ladies Laptop Tote to review. I was leery about the quality of the bag since the site contained very low prices on their apparel and bags, but this site proves once again that you should never judge a book by its cover.
I decided to go with a color other than black so I choose the Espresso. I love anything chocolate, that includes food, clothing and accessories. Why not a laptop bag. I was pleasantly surprised when my package arrived, the color was fabulous and the quality of the bag was great. My response was , OMG. This bag was $18.00 and it’s just a great as my pricier laptop bags.
Also, when I ordered the bag I wasn’t sure if my personal computer would fit. It’s 15 inches so I had my business computer which is much smaller in mind when I selected the tote. I was happy when I tried placing both computers into the bag and both fit with ease. When I’m not carrying my laptop, I use the bag to carry a pair of flats, drinks and snacks to the office. It’s quite roomy. I also love that the the bag is stylist. Check out the zipper on the back and the contrasting handles. It has a great shape too. Another plus for this bag, it’s machine washable and you can tumble dry it. How awesome is that!
Apparel N Bags has a large selection of apparel, which includes Nike and Adidas golf shirts, Nike hats, business shirts and a host of other items. The prices are unbelievably low. I suggest that you head over and check out this site for yourself. They have a great selection of bags in an array of colors. I highly recommend it, and will purchase from them in the future. I’m thinking Christmas gifts, but it’s also a perfect place to pick up a birthday gift or items just for you.
Note: I received the laptop tote to review for this post; however, my opinions are my own.
Looks Who’s Seven
Kohl’s $50 Gift Card Give Away
Welcome to the $50 Kohl’s Gift Card Giveaway
Hosted by: SaraLee’s Deals Steals & Giveaways
and
Sponsored by: Kohl’s
Get everything for you, your family & your home, all designed to fit your personality and budget. Shop in store, online, on your mobile device or at a kiosk. Our hassle-free return policy means you can return any item, anytime, for any reason.
Now for the giveaway: One lucky person will win a $50 Kohl’s Gift Card. This is open to US and ends 10/09/14 @ 11:59 pm est. To enter, Simply do the tasks on the Giveaway Tools widget below and you’re set to have a chance to win! Remember you can’t win if you don’t enter. It only takes one entry to win!
Disclaimer: Please note that SaraLee’s Deals Steals and Giveaways are not responsible for prize fulfillment.
The Bouq Company Flower Review – Peace Bouquet
Check out this bouquet of of white roses. Aren’t they beautiful. The bouquet is called Peace and is from The Bouqs Company. I love fresh flowers in my home and was thrilled when they contacted me to review one of their products. They didn’t disappoint. This is a $40.00 bouquet, and the shipping was free. They arrived within days by FedEx packaged well and fresh.
The roses arrived as buds. It gave me the opportunity to watch them slowly open into these beautiful roses. What makes the Bouqs Company unique is that they ship flowers from an active volcano in South America. If you’re a buy American only person,they can shipped from sunny California too. The flowers are cut only when an order is placed to ensure freshness and shipped directly to your door. This process eliminates flower shops and wholesalers, which eliminates an expensive price tag. They will last longer once they arrive too because they having been sitting in a floral shop or warehouse.
I love that the flowers can be ordered on-line and they have a variety of bouquets to choose from. I had a hard time deciding on an arrangement, The Bouqs Company sells forty different arrangements. The $40.00 price tag for a dozen of fresh, quality roses can’t be beat. You can also choose the Deluxe for $50.00 and the Grand for $70.00 from the Volcano Collection or choose from the California Collection starting at $50.00. The arrangements are perfect for Mother’s Day, birthdays, new moms, girlfriends, or to pamper yourself. If you want to surprise someone at the office or have a beautiful center piece on your table for the holidays, one of their arrangements would be perfect.
Besides the Peace Bouquet, other favorites were Cotton Candy, Diamonds, Earth, and Milkshake. Check out The Bouq Company and select an arrangement today. The Bouq Company has been featured on The Today Show, Forbes and endorsed by Oprah, Courtney Cox and Lauren Conrad. They are stunning!
Disclaimer: I received the Peace Bouquet as compensation for this post and accepted a position as Bouqs Ambassador; however, all opinions are my own.