6 Tips To Boost Your Self Esteem

 

self esteem, motivation, self empowerment




Do you need a self-esteem boost?  At one point in my life I saw myself as an attractive, sexual, and vibrant woman.  I looked in the mirror one day and I realized that I had bags under my eyes, more gray hair, and I looked tire. I wondered what had happened. When I looked back over the years I realized that I had lost myself.

I had become a wife, mother, taxi driver, nose wiper, bottom cleaner, chef, CEO, house keeper, medicine dispenser, CFO, and it all led to exhaustion.  Being a mother has been my greatest joy.  But I had forgotten that I was so much more.  As women we can become so entrenched in our roles that we can loose ourselves along the way.  We wake up one morning, and wonder what happen to our self-esteem.

Furthermore, I remembering having my house remodeled several years ago.  My main focus was the master bath. I have a huge garden tub that I wanted to refresh.  Additionally, the shower needed a makeover.  So, I decided to install a rain shower head.  Additionally, I wanted to tile around the vanity, shower and tub.

I stood in stores for hours looking until I found the perfect tile.  I even had a seat constructed in my shower so I could carefully shave my legs, and a heated ceramic floor installed.  After the project was finished, I surrounded my tub with beautiful candles and spa towels.  It was my favorite room in the house.  It’s funny, I can’t remember the last time that I soaked in that tub.  Let alone sip a cup of tea and enjoyed the flicker of the flames on the candles.

You may be wondering what I did to get back on top.  Here’s a few tips on how I boosted my self-esteem and placed myself back on the throne:

1.  Know that you’re important – You’re an entity in your home too, and it’s okay to love yourself. Make time to do the things that you enjoy such as having a glass of wine, scrapbooking, reading, cross-stitching, watching your favorite TV show, or playing a computer game. Whatever you enjoy, take time to enjoy it.

2.  It’s okay to not respond to every need that everyone else has – Trying to please very one will wear you out, lead to stress, and health problems. Remember you need your rest too.

3.  Accept responsibility for where you are now –  Don’t blame your kids or your husband, you have the power to say I’m tired I need to rest, I need help or I need time for myself and take it.

4.  Become determined and self-reliant – Do what you can around your house, rather than sitting around waiting on your husband or significant to do everything for you. Take the stress off yourself because you’re waiting for someone to complete a project for you. It could also take the stress of your husband or significant other too.  This includes painting a room, building those raised garden beds, painting the deck furniture, cleaning out the garage etc. There’s some great bloggers out there that show you how.

5.  Stop trying to take on everything – There are no shortcuts in life, it can be brutal at times.  We must learn to let things go, take a deep breath and exhale. Set priorities and learn to walk away when things get overwhelming. Tomorrow is another day, you can get it done then.

6.  Budget your money and treat yourself  – If you are a SAHM, get a pay check for your work inside the home. Purchase a bouquet of flowers for yourself or treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure or facial. Not your thing, buy a new dress and have a monthly date night with your husband or significant other. It will recharge your batteries!

It’s important to reclaim your self-worth and start treating myself like the queen that your are. I have learned that it’s okay to make myself number one occasionally.  Being mom, wife, and grandmother are wonderful roles, but we should never loose ourselves. They aren’t inclusive of who we are.  We hope that you have found our tips on how to boost your self esteem helpful.

Please leave us a tip on how you boost your self-esteem. We may want to incorporate your tip into our routine.

You may also like How To Empower Yourself Emotionally
                                    Why I No Longer Use the Word Weak
  

Become the Best You: How to Empower Yourself

how to empower yourself

 

Each year I work to empower myself.  In years past, I have been exhausted by the time December rolls around.  Furthermore, I normally run off the rails with some of my goals.  So, I’m always happy to see the new year come in.

Besides having the stomach flu and spending Christmas Day in bed this pass year, I felt pretty good about where I was in my life.  As a result of being satisfied with where I was in reaching my goals for the year, I asked what I did to empower myself.  Here’s 4 biggest things:

1.  Believe In Yourself – I’ve learned over the years to stop being so hard on myself.  I have a type-A personality so I strive for perfection and want things to be done right.  I’ve learned that things don’t always go according to planned, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.  Tomorrow is another day, and I just need to continue to believe in myself.

In my past life, I would stress when things didn’t go according to plan.  That behavior took up a lot of energy and left me feeling exhausted.  I would literally sleep through the alarm clock and feel like crap for the remainder of the day.  Since I’ve changed my attitude, I no longer set the alarm clock. I wake up refreshed, and I feel good enough to face the day and myself.

2. Turn Things Over to Higher Power – Because some things are beyond my control, I have learned to give it to my higher power. I am a woman of faith, and grow up in the church.  Most importantly, I do believe in God.  I think it is imperative to believe in someone greater than you and I.  Praying, reading the word and than letting things go works for me.  I have found peace with myself.  Furthermore, I have found peace with the world.  It’s not perfect and neither am I.

3.  Think Positive – I strive hard to keep negative thoughts out of my head.  I’ve learned to surround myself with positive people.  Because I surround myself with people that are positive and that I can learn from, my perspective on things have changed.

4.  Make Yourself A Priority – I’ve learned over the years that I’m a valuable commodity.  And I treat myself as such.  No matter what I have on my List Of Things To Do, I make time for me.  I book an appointment at a salon for a pedicure, read a good book, playing games on the computer, take a vacations or just sleep.  Making myself a priority energizes me and allows me to give freely to others.  When you feel good, you do good things.

We hope that you have found our tips on how to empower yourself helpful.  Download the infographic here, and apply the tips to your life.  You will be glad you did.

You may also like the following posts:

Self Improvement:  Is Your Foundation On Solid Ground

5 Steps To Becoming A Confident Woman

 

 

How to Empower Yourself Emotionally

how to raise self-esteem, building confidence, how to empower yourself

People use emotional intelligent to achieve their goals and to build businesses.  When I went into management 15 years ago, I learned that my emotional intelligence would be just as important as my technical savvy.  I was expected to lead the organization’s visions whether I agreed with them or not. Your job is to get your employees on board and implement the plan.  I knew that I would need to be physically and emotionally healthy.  At the time I didn’t have a game plan, but self-improvement and self-development became a priority.

Emotional Intelligence is about self-control.  It’s about having absolute control over your emotions and your life.  It’s portraying  confidence and a high level of self-esteem even when you don’t feel it.  I always think of the saying, “Never let them see you sweat” when I think of emotional intelligence.  I read every book that I could find on emotional intelligence and went to work on myself.  Since management was the last rung on the ladder of my career goals, I was determined to be successful.  My job was to manage a team of IT Specialists and help oversee a million dollar computer system.

I empowered myself by incorporating the following tips into my life.  This included on the job and in my personal life:

Learning to Say No – There’s power in that 2 letter word. It’s one of the most powerful words in the English language and has served me well over the course of the years. At one point I didn’t know how to say no. I was the go to person for everybody in the family. It started wearing on my health, so I had to make a major change in my life by deciding what was my problem and what was theirs. I learned to leave them with their problems.  As a result, they had to grow up and take responsibility for their life.  That freedom empowered me.

Learning to Relax – I started focusing on hobbies that I enjoyed, but neglected. I started scrap booking, crocheting and making other crafts. It’s important to found things you enjoy and just unwind.  It empowers you.

Let Go Of GuiltOnce I learned to say no I also learned to let go of guilt. I would feel guilty if I didn’t do what was being asked of me. Now I say what I mean and mean what I say.  Let the door hit you if you don’t like it. It is so freeing and empowering.

Focus on Solutions – I always told my employees to bring a solution when they bring me a problem. Being a part of a solution is empowering.  It’s simple, write down the problem and than write down a solution.  Make changes to your solution when or if it is needed.

Stay Positive – A positive attitude will take you a long way, and you will feel better about yourself.  Who wants to follow someone with a bad attitude?  People want to connect with positive energy.  They find it empowering!

Exercise RegularlyGet some form of exercise everyday.  I had to change my attitude toward exercising.  I hate it and would find any exercise to avoid it.  Previously I thought if I couldn’t get at least 30 minutes in it was unproductive.  So not true, 10, 15, 20 minutes is better than nothing.  I still haven’t mastered this one I’m a work in progress, but I do understand the importance and benefits so I’m striving to get better each day.

The biggest lesson that I learned on my emotional intelligence journey is that our emotions drive our actions. Your emotions can lead to your success or your failure.  Become determined to not allow anybody to move you unless you choose to be moved.  This determination has required me to remain emotionless at times.  I have learned that people look for reactions, and when you don’t give them one they have to rethink their game plan.  The greatest satisfaction is walking away and seeing them with a puzzled look on their face because you didn’t give them what they wanted.  That is empowerment.

Women’s issues still need to be dealt with in the business world. There are still men who think that women are too emotional and shouldn’t be in leadership positions.  On the other side of the spectrum, there are other women who try to press your buttons because they don’t want to see you successful either.  Prepared to endure both if you want to be successful.  

You may also like Finding Your Self-Esteem After Divorce and How I Deal With Toxic People.

How To Deal With Toxic People

self-confidence, how to deal with toxic people, toxic relationships

For the past few months, I’ve felt a little down.  I’ve felt heavy, fatigued and at times ready to just throw my hands up in dismay.  Why, a toxic relationship. I have learned over the course of the years to pay attention to my body and how I’m feeling. Once I get in touch with how I’m feeling, I step away and assess why.    

I ask myself, what’s new in my life?  How do I feel after an encounter with a family member or friend? Is there something going on at work that’s bothering me?  I ask these questions so I can pinpoint what’s happening. At times I feel this way because of a stressful situation at work, but the majority of time it’s a toxic person who’s spawning poison my way.  Toxic people will affect your health and pull you down.

Over the years, I have learned that I stayed in relationships or friendships way too long.  I never liked giving up on people or things without giving 100% of myself, but I’ve learned that the other party must be willing to give 100% of themselves too. If not the relationship is one sided and I must walk away. Walking away has gotten easier for me, no relationship is worth me suffering or not getting my needs meet.

I come from a toxic family.  My mother is as toxic as you can get. So, I am quite familiar with toxic people. Toxic people usually come from a dysfunctional background.  They’re usually harboring deep envy, anger or jealousy.  If they don’t get their emotions in check, they manifest in a harmful way.     

Here are 5 toxic behaviors that I look for:  

Dishonesty – People who hid the truth or don’t tell the truth.  In my opinion, one is as bad as the other. When you’re not honest about who you are, what you’re doing or what’s happening in your life you’re depriving the other people of the ability to make judgments that are beneficial to them.

Ignoring You – When a person doesn’t return your calls, respond to your text messages or make time for you it can affect your self-esteem.  My motto is if I’m not a priority, you wont’ be one either.  Nobody is so busy that they can’t find the time to respond in some way.

Blaming Other People -Toxic people always blame others for their issues and problem.  They create drama, but try to turn things around and they become the victim.

Sabotage They underhandedly and sometimes overtly try to sabotage your happiness and goals. Deep down they really don’t want you to succeed and always find something wrong with what you’re trying to achieve.

Toxic people will pull you down – They can and will eventually affect your health and your emotional well being. Their behavior causes drama and/or conflict and whatever the situation is the outcome will be negative.

I have learned to run in the opposite direction from toxic people or limit their presence in my life. I see absolutely no benefit to having them around. They’re like quick sand, they pull you down little by little and eventually you find yourself up to your neck in crap.  Who needs it. Learn to recognize and deal with toxic people before they grab hold of you and pull you down.

Finding Your Self-Esteem After Divorce

self-esteem after divorce
First, have you lost your self-esteem after divorce?  I have a little advice for you, “Take yourself off the clearance rack and get behind the glass case”, my friend.  The message being sent is you will treat yourself like a clearance item rather than a diamond behind a glass case if you don’t see yourself as valuable.  Being a divorcee doesn’t mean the end of the world.  I’ve been through one, but I learned to place myself in the glass case years ago. Because I learned that if I don’t see myself as being valuable why should anyone else.

Furthermore, women often loose esteem after divorce.  It’s nothing new. They become single parents, they take on the responsibilities of the children, upkeep of the house and everything in between.  Needs often go on the back burner.  As  a result, we become lonely and often loose our way.

So, when we have low self-esteem we have a tendency to look for love in all the wrong places.  And we settle for less than we deserve because we think we can’t do any better.  I’m here to tell you that you can raise your self-esteem and self-worth.  When you do, things in your life will change for the best.

Now, find your self-esteem and self-respect before it sinks to the bottom of the ocean.  All that you need is inside of you.  We all come from something, but we can’t go through life blaming everyone else for our demise or lack of insight.  Here’s my story, I came from an alcoholic background and I was a teen mother.  I made bad choices, but those things don’t define who I am.  Those things are simply a part of my journey in this thing called life.

These 10 steps will help you discover the new you:

  • Develop some standards and principles – These are the things that define who you are.
  • Learn to distinguish between abuse and constructive criticism – Abuse will tear you down and leave you feeling worthless.  Constructive criticism will help you improve who you are.
  • Become self sufficient – Needy people open themselves up to becoming a doormat.  Become self-sufficient. It helps build confidence and self-worth.
  • Get healthy – When you get healthy physically, it will improve your emotional and mental health as well.
  • Get rid of negativity – This includes negative people and negative thoughts about yourself.
  • Change your circle – Socialize with successful people and those who respect you.
  • Know the difference between respect and confidence – Respect is about what you do, confidence is about how you feel.
  • Show respect for yourself and others – If you want people to respect you, you must respect other people.
  • Learn to remove yourself from destructive situations – If a relationship is not nourishing or helping you to grow, get out and move on.
  • Motivation – Get motivated and stay motivated. Don’t allows others to bring you down.  Read self-help books, attend seminars or get a mentor.  Just stay in your zone and stay on course.
Finally, know that you won’t evolve over night.  However, you can change negative thoughts about yourself and discover your self-worth again.  Raising your self-esteem after divorce will take dedication and hard work, but you can renew you.  Most importantly, underneath the layers you will find a respectful and confident you.  
We hope that you found our tips on how to raise your self-esteem after divorce helpful.  You may also like: How to Empower Yourself Emotionally.


  

10 Steps To Deal With Grief From A Breakup

grief from a breakup

 

Trying to mend a broken heart from a breakup or divorce?  I’ve been there and it can be a rough road.  Grief from a breakup can cause you to want to die or at least feel that you are.  You may try to rekindle the relationship by plotting a scheme on how on you can get him or her back.  Calling, texting, or checking their  Facebook page enters your mind.  You may even drive by their house or have conversations with their friends to get advice on how to work things out.

STOP!   Take a deep breath, regroup and focus on you.  I know it’s hard, but you have to do it so that you can start the healing process.  It’s the only way you can move on with your life.  If you were unable to resolve your differences and you’re in the grieving process, you need to get real.  You had some serious problems that sent you or your partner in the opposite direction.

If you couldn’t resolve them when you where together, it’s doubtful that they will ever be resolved.   Sometimes we just outgrow each other.  I knew, I’ve already walked in your shoes.  Here’s a quote that I want you to absorb:  “God will sometimes end a relationship for your protection.  Don’t chase after the person he’s trying to save you from.” – Trent Shelton.

Sometimes you see it coming and sometimes you don’t.  However, the longer you try to hold on the longer you will endure pain.  Ending a relationship with someone that you vowed to spend the rest of your life with or you have fell deeply in love with is like a death.  I have experienced both and you grieve over both losses.  Just as important, you may become angry or you don’t want to get out of bed.  You may cry until the well runs dry and the list goes on.  I went through this when my ex-husband and I divorced, and when I lost my father to cancer.  Grief from a breakup whether in love or death is painful.

I survived and you can too.  Here’s how:

  1. Know that you life is not over, your lovable and you’re moving on to the next chapter in your life.
  2. You’re not a failure, you were smart enough to know when it was time to get out.
  3. Your children will be fine.  There are millions of children in the world who come from divorced homes and they don’t turn out to be rapists or bank robbers.
  4. Pamper yourself during this time period.  You must treat yourself well and know that you deserve it.  Don’t run your credit cards up, just treat yourself occasionally.
  5. Don’t jump into another relationship.  Rebounds are not wise and they rarely work.
  6. Set small goals for yourself.  This would be a good time to join a gym and work off some stress.  If you can’t afford a gym, find a safe place to walk.  It’s a good way to think and clear your head.
  7. Limit yourself on the number of conversations that you have about him/her.  It will only prolong your healing.
  8. Enhance your job skills, your household income will be less.  Don’t depend on anything other than child support.  Unless you are married to a million, women are rarely awarded alimony. Get a job and in the meantime, enhance your skills so you can get a better one.  There are programs available to assist you.  Reach out.
  9. Find a church, you need to renew your faith to get you through the rough times.
  10. Get focused! You will be heading up your household and leading the way for your children.   

Additionally, remember to start your grieving process slowly.  And make sure you work through all stages.  Otherwise, you will only be placing band-aids on open wounds.  You will experience many emotions.  So, there will be sadness, anger, bitterness, loneliness and why me sessions.  Know that emotions are temporary and it’s okay to experience them.

Furthermore, your ex will move on and begin dating again.  Prepare yourself, and whatever you do, don’t approach the other woman.  She can’t be with him if he doesn’t want to be with her.  You don’t want your children to find out that you handled things in this manner.

Last, give yourself plenty of time to heal.  Check out my post on Divorce Cakes for a laugh.  Laughing is good for the soul.  It’s a wonderful feeling when you’re ready to move on.  You will come out of it stronger, wiser and a better person for your struggle.  It’s unwise to try to hold on to something that no longer exists.  Most importantly, let it go so you can free yourself  for someone who is deserving of you and your love.